Now you can "Draw" on the go!

Yup, FF8 is now available on PSN for download. Now for only the low, low price of $9.99 can you draw endless magic from the same goddamned enemy over and over and over! Thrilling! Don't forget it's exciting ability to amaze with awesome cool weaponry like the GUNBLADE! Yes, now you too can waste a bullet on an enemy up close thereby negating the ENTIRE PURPOSE of using a gun! Don't waste time folks, this is a limited offer so get your Final Fantasy 8 on TODAY!

A small Disney fanboy plea.

If you haven't done so yet, please, please, please for the love of God go watch The Princess and the Frog in theaters sometime. Not necessarily because I think it's such a great movie (it is but that's beside the point), but rather because if this movie grosses well Disney might actually make even more 2D films and that's a good thing. They've been stuck in crappy 3D cartoon hell for several years thanks to the utter failure of Treasure Planet and perhaps they can finally return to prominence and maybe Jeffery Katzenberg will light a fire in his ass and create something quality like The Prince of Egypt instead of this "furry little critters get into madcap hijinx" nonsense we've all been subjected to for nearly a decade and finally leave this pathetic blight on American animation behind. I'm serious. Shrek FOUR is on it's way sometime next year. Be afraid. They'll keep making this horseshit too if you don't show them that 2D movies can still make money.

Dante's Inferno Demo

So the latest demo up on the PSN is Dante's Inferno and I managed to play a little bit of it. Just like most every other game EA makes, it seems okay, but ultimately fails to achieve what made the games it's based on so fun. In short, Dante's Inferno is a knock off of God of War, nearly apeing that game right down to the button configuration. It's not a bad game but with GOW III around the corner there's really no reason to get it. Why settle for a cheap steak when you can have a porterhouse? Know what I mean? Sigh, EA couldn't come up with an original idea to save their ass anymore, which is why I never buy any of their games. Oh well.

Too tired to think up a clever title...

Folks, they've managed to encase the power of Benadryl into DVD form. Trouble sleeping? No problem! Pop this sucker in and get that well deserved nights rest. You've earned it.

Well, it's not a terrible movie, per se, but everyone in the theater I went to to go see it all looked like one of those episodes of Sailor Moon where everyone was getting the energy drained out of them by the end of it.



Maybe fans of the books will enjoy it but I just found it to be fucking boring. I miss the lighthearted Harry Potter personally.

I'm selling a Limited Edition copy of Demon's Souls.

For all parties who are interested, I'm selling off my copy for $40. I figured I'd make a good offer to my friends before going the Ebay/Amazon route. That's half the purchase price brand new and I promise it's in near perfect condition. Primarily because it spent 90% of the two months that I've had it sitting on my shelf. I'm afraid the game is entirely too damned beastly for me to bother to ever continue to play it. Maybe one of you out there will have better luck. In any case, if anyone is interested email me here.....

kenolabar@hotmail.com

And we'll do buisness.


UPDATE (Dec 7): $old!!! Thanks for playing!

Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia Review

After all this talk about vampires, I figured I should post this review that I had already typed up well over a month ago. I planned to post it back during Halloween time, but that nasty little thing called real life got in the way. It's honestly amazing how despite my utter lack of a healthy social life that I harbor, I still have trouble finding free time to work on this blog. It really is.


It's often been said, "You can never have too much of a good thing", but sadly, that doesn't apply when playing Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia. Really though, it's not Order of Ecclesia's fault, either. Unfortunately, we've all been so spoiled by excellent Castlevania games leading up to this point that OOE just seems like a fairly pedestrian retread of the same old concepts we've been accustomed to since Symphony of the Night.

Poor Order of Ecclesia.

Although this game does have enough to make it stand out. For starters, you play as a female, only done once before in a Castlevania game, named Shanoa. Set in the early 1800s, Shanoa's task as a member of Ecclesia, a group dedicated to the eradication of Dracula, is to recover the stolen pieces of Dominus from fellow Ecclesia member Albus, who seeks to use the Dominus to resurrect who else...Dracula. Along the way you'll learn both the purpose behind Albus' plot and the mystery behind Shanoa's dark past as well. The story, while fairly simple, works well enough to keep you entertained, and Shanoa's mysterious behavior and back story are enough to keep the player interested and there's just enough plot twists timed at the proper moment to hold that interest. The story doesn't particularly impress, it's just that many other Castlevania games have plots that follow the same formula. Some evil guy gets something with which to revive Dracula and the main character must stop said bad guy from reviving him, eventually revealing their tie to the whole plot and discovering something about themselves that they either forgot, or didn't realize altogether. Sound familiar? It's the basic outline for every Castlevania game since Symphony of the Night. As a result, most players will feel a grand disconnect despite the game not having any glaring flaws in its narrative.


Poor Order of Ecclesia.

The game itself does absolutely nothing wrong in the gameplay department either. From a design standpoint, the game is arguably the most refined out of any of the Castlevanias on the DS. The weapon leveling system from Portrait of Ruin and the Soul System have been combined into one to form the Glyph system used in OOE. In a change of pace, the need to equip weapons has been completely excised in favor of equipping these glyphs. Glyphs have many different uses and purposes. Some glyphs are swords for stabbing and piercing attacks, some glyphs are hammers for slow, powerful attacks, etc. You can equip one of these glyphs on each hand and by alternating between both the X and Y buttons; you can attack quickly in succession. You can keep this up for as long as your stamina meter allows. Pressing both X and Y at the same time will yield a special attack that consumes hearts. The attack varies depending on which combination of weapons you have equipped. Glyphs purposes don't stop there though. Some Glyphs are also magic glyphs that allow you to perform various magic spells. Some allow you to emit lightning from your fingertips; some recover your health slowly. There's a gamut of possible uses and combinations with the glyphs for you to experiment with. Much like the Soul System, most glyphs can be obtained by defeating enemies. Other, more important ones that the game requires you to obtain can be found in specific areas. You'll definitely need to experiment with all different possible combinations in order to enjoy success with the game, particularly when it comes to the bosses. The game boasts some very interesting and challenging boss encounters that force the player to think rather than swing their weapon over and over until all their health his depleted. Many boss fights will have you stumped in learning the proper strategy on how to defeat them. It may seem frustrating at first, but it's an ultimately rewarding experience when you do figure it out. The game's innovations don't stop with the battle system either; most of the game takes place outside of Castlevania, and similar to Simon's Quest, there's a village that serves as a central hub, where assisting some of the townsfolk will net you various items and information to aid you in your quest. Unlike Simon's Quest however, the game's different areas are connected together via a world map where you just select where you want to go and you're instantly transported there rather than having to trudge through interconnecting areas to progress. Exploring existing locations will eventually open up new areas and getting the proper items or glyphs will allow you to return to an area previously explored and open up a new path that wasn't there before. Sound familiar? That's because it is. Ultimately, the game, despite its little nuances, is exactly the same kind of Castlevania game they've been making for over 10 years now. Koji Igarashi has gone to this particular well many times and Order of Ecclesia may have just drained it of every last drop. The game does everything well. It's a perfect refinement of the formula we've come to expect from Castlevania now. Ayami Kojima returns after being absent for the first two DS games to design some absolutely stunning and gorgeous characters and locations. Michiru Yamane returns to score a fabulous soundtrack. The piece, "An Empty Tome" takes its place among the all time Castlevania themes. However, throughout the entire game experience, right up until the credits roll, in the back of your mind you can't help but feel and overpowering sense of sheer apathy towards the whole thing, despite the fact that you just played a great game. You can't shake the feeling that no matter how great of an experience it is that you've already experienced greatness that is similar or equal to this before. It's the same problem that a franchise such as The Legend of Zelda currently faces. Each subsequent experience is less intriguing or engaging than the last. Not because of any faults within it's design, particularly, but rather because of the company it keeps.


Poor Order of Ecclesia.

Sad, but true. Order of Ecclesia's main problem is that well, it exists. It's not the game's fault that it's simply another Symphony of the Night offspring in a family that has grown too large. Hopefully, the game will be seen as the end of an era. This game will hopefully represent for the SOTN era of Castlevania games that Rondo of Blood did for the originals. Order of Ecclesia could be, and really, should be, the proper send off to the Symphony of the Night style of Castlevania. I'm not saying that the series is dying or that no future Castlevania games need to be made, but rather I'm issuing advice towards its creators. Guys, take heed of the lessons from franchises like Mega Man.; that sometimes, too much of a good thing and lead to just too much of something, period. It's obvious that the series, and indeed Koji Igarashi himself may have burned themselves out by making so many games in such a short time frame. That being said, I still encourage all to check out Order of Ecclesia if they haven't yet done so, as it's a really fantastic game that has a sad, unfortunate fate of being bundled with equally excellent brethren and that’s what keeps it from being classified as simply good, rather than truly great.

Poor Order of Ecclesia.

Um....wow.

Just.....wow. I think it's safe to say that Stephanie Meyer's MTV and hairspray vision of vampire lore is definitely a lucrative gold mine if anything else.

UPDATE: Apparently Sony isn't making the money from Playstation Home or DLC for the PSP Go as they thought they would. Oh well. As long as they keep the ability to play online free we're good I guess.

One Man's Twilight is Another Man's Dawn.

You know, this weekend is one of those times that I'm glad that I don't have a girlfriend.

There's no way in hell I'd be caught anywhere near that thing. I almost feel sorry for all of the poor souls who have their significant other drag them to watch....nay, suffer through this film.

Okay, okay, I know I'm being a bit of a facetious jerk here; it's not going to be nearly as bad as say, Tranformers or G.I. Joe or presumably any other film Hasbro decides to make.

However, will it still be utterly pretentious, moody and annoying as hell?

Yes.

Up Review

Given all of the scathing, opinionated reviews of movies in particular that I often deliver, one may come to the conclusion that I'm some elitist jerk that can't find the slightest bit of entertainment in anything I watch. I'll admit, it's no secret that yes, most movies I end up watching that look like they'll interest me absolutely disgust me, particularly animated movies. I find most animated movies to be among the most annoying of movies often times. They're usually loud, boisterous, generally unfunny piles of trash with furry little animals running around and getting into madcap zany adventures with poorly told pop culture jokes that barely half, if any, of the intended target audience (young children) will even get. They don't serve any particular purpose; they're merely Looney Tunes shorts that run entirely too long and fail to capture even a fraction of the wit contained within those Looney Tunes classics. In summary, they're just damned obnoxious and they need to die a horrible death.

Thank God for Pixar, though.

This company mercifully doesn't fit the mold of what has become a typical 3D animated film these days. Pixar films have become the standard by which all other animated films should be judged over their long history, and rightly so. They continue to churn out excellent film after excellent film and Up is no exception. By touching upon simple themes that everyone can relate to, Up has managed to warm even my often cold, jaded heart. What makes Up such a success is in its simplicity. The film is only 90 minutes long and as such, very little time is wasted. It gets to the point right from the get go in its first 10 minutes.

Are you guys taking notes?

Carl Fredrickson, once a youthful child in the early 50s, enjoys a spirit of adventure as he and his best friend Ellie, who would eventually become his future wife, plan to visit Paradise Falls. Years pass and they grow old, Ellie eventually passes away and Carl grows remorseful that he could never keep their childhood promise and continues to live out a fairly lonely, mundane existence as an old man. The film does this beautifully in a musical motif that lasts only a few minutes, and instantly you get a sense of Carl's entire character without one whit of dialogue being spoken.

Eventually, Carl begins to realize that world is beginning to pass him by and he just doesn't feel the same anymore. He can't stand all of the construction going on around him, he can't understand why anyone would want to buy his house. In his refusal to let go of his house, he strikes a man with his cane and is forced to be sent off to a retirement home. Rather than be sent along, he reveals millions of balloons that uproot his house and he plans to fly away to Paradise Falls. Along the way he accidentally gets a stowaway in the form of Russell, a chubby little boy scout who, like many young children displays goofy eccentricities that otherwise annoy Carl. He talks too much. He asks too many questions. He's clumsy. He's well; he's what most little boys are like, including Carl himself, when he was a child. Most of the middle portion of the film is spent with just the two on their journey to Paradise Falls, with Carl reluctantly taking the boy along with little choice, although deep down inside, he does care for the kid. In order to transport the house to Paradise Falls he needs Russell's help in carrying it over there, by tying a string around both of their waists and literally dragging it over there while the balloons support it in the air.

The film is a treat, visually as well, displaying bright, beautiful colors and looks particularly gorgeous on a Blu-Ray if you have one.

Thus does Up subtly reveal it's moral lesson. Carl is not only literally tied to his house and his possessions, but rather he's tied emotionally to it as well. He can't let go. Of course, there's a token bad guy present as well, who doesn't play a particularly large role in story, however, his role is very important for displaying what Carl will eventually become if he doesn't let go. That's what makes Up such a brilliant story. Rather than beat you over the head with any particular plot points it wants to address, it tugs at the heart strings of all of us by subtle expression of common themes that people of all ages can connect with. Basically, it represents what Disney movies used to be, not to say that this is a serious film and that there's no place for humor at all. Of course the movie has it's fair share of humor; the exchanges between Russell and Carl in particular are hilarious. The reason why I don't mind the humor in Up is because the humor here works. The characters aren't trying to be cute and funny, they just are. Hence the difference between most Dreamworks swill and this.

Thank God for Pixar.

G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra Review

I went into G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra with much trepidation, I have heard many stories about how horrible the film was, and even some stories went so far as to say that it's somehow worse than even the mighty ball of suck that is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Well, I'm happy to report that it's not nearly as bad as that film.

That being said, the film isn't that much better, sadly. Although, at least this film does at least attempt to make some sort of attempt at plot and character development. Of course, it's all horribly wrong and botched beyond belief, but hey, at least they tried. That's more than I can say for Michael Bay.

Even still, how the hell do you screw up G.I. Joe? I mean, they got the basic idea right. A group of terrorists that originated in the early 12th century France have gotten their hands on some super duper secret weaponry and are now seeking to TAKE OVER THE WORLD MUA HA HA HA and only our heroes G.I. Joe can stop it. Yeah, I wasn't exactly looking for a poignant, thought provoking film that makes look at life differently or anything. I was just expecting some good old cheesy fun that pays homage to G.I. Joe.

And of course they screwed it up.

To begin with, there's mucho character assassination present...

Duke/Scarlet: Duke and Scarlet are not an item whatsoever. Although they felt the need to pair Scarlet up with Rip Cord. Uh..what? Duke in fact, is with....

The Baroness: Yup, the Baroness. Huh?.... Apparently Duke and the Baroness were once an item before he became a member of G.I. Joe. Um, no. She's with Destro. And Destro only.

Cobra Commander: They show his face. Yeah....that's probably the biggest cardinal sin of them all. You guys should've taken the lessons from the G.I. Joe animated movie and learned that that was a supremely bad idea. In fact, Destro and Cobra Commander don't reveal themselves until the final moments of the film, in a lame attempt at surprise, I suppose, and the wait is not worth it. I know that a man with a silver face and a guy in a blue suit with a helmet that covers his whole face already look strange, but the movie makes them look even sillier, and not for the better.

For some odd reason Flint and Lady Jaye weren't present either as they were some of the more popular characters also. I guess they're holding out for G.I. Joe II: The Rise of Vomit.

Really, the only character escape this holy jihad against sticking with source material was Snake Eyes. Oh, and Dennis Quaid as Commander Hawk was pretty cool, despite the fact that he was wasted in the role.

It honestly may seem like I'm being a nerd and nitpicking at things here to those who aren't G.I. Joe fans, but my God, when you change up so many simple things like this, it just really detracts from the experience and it doesn't feel like G.I. Joe, but rather a lame knockoff that just uses the brand name to rack in the money, which, of course, is all it is. Seriously guys, you could Google this crap in less than 10 minutes and find out all of the correct character backstories and relationships.

I might could have forgiven all of this if the action sequences weren't so nonsensical. I already expected over the top action given the source material but even this film takes things to a ludicrous extreme, of which the chase scene in Paris is arguably the most silly. Someone in Hollywood needs to learn that bigger and crazier doesn't necessarily equal better action. It's as though this film did everything in its power to try to one up other Hollywood blockbusters as if to say; "There! Beat that! I dare you." In a scene that resembles Bullitt on LSD, supposedly covert operatives, G.I. Joe chases after the Cobra in a madcap effort from destroying the Eiffel Tower, decked out in these Master Chief looking power suits as they literally run at super speed in order to keep up with the Cobras moving vehicle, literally running into other cars and objects on the highway. Some covert operatives they are. I know you're trying to keep with Michael Bay and top his zany over the top action with your own, Mr. Sommers, but also bear in mind that despite creating a action vehicle cash cow, you have to remember that the action, while over the top, has to make some semblance of sense. A supposedly covert team of operatives running into cars like a destruction derby and causing arguably more destruction than the terrorists themselves doesn't make sense. My God, The Incredible Hulk kicked over less cars than G.I. Joe. Somehow these super powered suits (and since when did G.I. Joe need lame power suits?) also keep them from dying or even feeling the slightest of pain, despite having crashed into a vehicle at speeds of 100 MPH. Yes, it's as ridiculous and looks as utterly fake as it sounds.

And somebody seriously should have told somebody that ice doesn't sink in the water.

That's why the action and indeed the movie fails. In their effort to wow the audience, everything just comes off as looking entirely too fake and coupled with the overuse of GGI graphics, the whole thing looks like a videogame that you can't play. It's almost like the movie needed a HUD with life bars and gun/ammuntion displays. Just like any videogame with too many cutscenes and not enough playtime, G.I. Joe isn't very fun to experience either.I guess life bars and arbitrary numbers on the screen make that much of a difference, I suppose.

G.I. Joe is a poorly done action flick that is neither worth your money or your time, even if you are a long time fan, especially if you are a long time fan given that it pretty much takes a nice little whiz on everything you knew and loved about the cartoon series anyway. It's basically like watching your buddy play Killzone 2 while he shits in your mouth for two hours straight.

Sadly, that's still better than Transformers 2.

More Pointlessness: Part Deux

Interesting, this page seems to be getting more hits in past week or two, despite the fact that I haven't done a damn thing on here. Well, fine. Maybe I won't write any more crap for you people. You will get no more reviews from me! Wait, for most, that's a good thing. Oh, fine. You all asked for it. That's it. I'm gonna be a review machine, dammit. You'll have to put up with a constant deluge of reviews from me. Yeah.

That being said, G.I. Joe continues to sit on my desk, taunting me. I need to quit putting it off. Every day I delay watching it, the greater the buildup is. Worse than Tranformers: ROTF? God, how? We shall see.

A pointless post where I just offer random musings about life.......even more so than usual, I mean.

Well, thankfully yesterday's fiasco is over and none of my family members have been seriously hurt. Oh well, maybe now I can focus on writing some reviews. I'll get to work on them straight away as soon as I find some more free time and I'm in the mental capacity to actually focus on writing them. I plan to watch G.I. Joe this weekend, if only for the train wreck factor. According to a few of my peers, they mention that its actually worse than Transformers. I have no idea how this is cosmically possible, but I should hopefully have an answer by at least Monday.

In other non important news, I headed to Walmart to pick up some ink for my printer when I caught a gay man checking me out. Oh boy. Let me clear this for you guys. I have no problem with gays, but I don't swing that way. I'm sorry. I prefer those of the fairer sex, you understand.

Now women, why can't you check me out, huh? Start doing that and maybe we're having a conversation.

Oh wait, I'm a videogame/movie blogger. I just answered my own question. Nevermind that, carry on.

No the sickness hasn't claimed me.

I've just been very busy with school work and what not. I'm sure I'll probably get some reviews up in the future.

In other more important news......Jesus Christ this is hitting a little too close to home.

This guy are sick.

Damned Texas weather. Hot, cold. Hot, cold. Sunny, rainy, sunny, rainy. This constant switching of the extremes lately has put me under the weather, I think. My head is throbbing and my throat is raspy as hell. I was planning on writing some reviews, but I think I'll have to go put that on hold for awhile as it's hard to concentrate on writing when you have to run to the bathroom to puke every 30 minutes.

I "Saw" enough.

Well, it looks like they've reached the point to where Saw freakin' six is in theaters. Well, ladies and gentlemen, like any proper horror franchise, this series has no idea when to quit. In any case, believe it or not, there was one point in which I actually used to like these films. After I caught Saw III in theaters, I wrote this up. From October 31, 2006.....

I lied. I went and saw a horror movie last night. Yeah, yeah, I remember all that crap I went on about how I refused to watch anymore horror movies earlier in the year after viewing the trifecta of suck known as The Fog, When A Stranger Calls and last but not least The Hills Have Eyes; however, bear in mind that I said I refused to watch any shitty horror movies. I didn't say I wouldn't mind taking a trip to the local theater to catch up on the good stuff. Or at least stuff that seemed good anyway. Like Saw III.

Yes, somehow, someway, I've managed to find enjoyment out of not one, not two, but three indulgent gore fests, not only liking them but considering owning the films as well. See, while Saw III went even more over the top with the gore and blood, the film still had the great writing and suspenseful surprises to let me over look that part of the film. Saw III was not only a good movie in its own right, it actually wrapped up everything in the first two films in a nice neat package and choosing to end the film in such a way that seemed to give a hearty "screw you" to anyone who thought about making a Saw "4" and I thank them for that. Saw III even attempted to offer insight into why Jigsaw does what he does, something that was touched upon in the second film, but never fully explained. In this way, they've taken a generic bad guy character who seemed to be completely devoid of personality in the first film and by the end of the third film made him an almost sympathetic character as you understand fully the motiviating factors for his actions.

A lot of people when mentioning the Saw movies just talk about all of the blood and gore of the film. But you see, what separates the Saw films from other violent piles of crap like Hostel or Rest Stop is that rather than be the focal point of the film, the blood and gore is simply a backdrop for a well fleshed out story that slowly reveals itself piece by piece over the course of three films.

But let's not kid ourselves here, Saw III was violent as hell. Way over the top and at many times unnecessarily so, you can almost hear the director in the background saying "we gotta make this more brutal than the other two". I guess I can't fault the movie makers that much, though. I mean, given its target audience. 90% of the people going to see that film see no difference between Saw or any of that other violent horror crap, anyways. If the film didn't have buckets of blood people would hate it. Good writing and paying careful attention to the first two movies be damned, he smushed his foot wit teh ston tablet, HUR HUR HUR. Yeah, dood! I SAW it! LOL.

But whatever, I'll enjoy this as a victory for horror movies. Hooray for the best line of horror films to come out in over a decade. Let us all rejoice.

At least until Hostel 2.

Yeah.......scratch that crap. Some goofballs decided to pen a lame script for a sequel and the original creators couldn't help but say, "Show me the money!" This series has transformed into everything that is utterly wrong with horror films these days. And much like I figured, any possible way to try to continue this plot would only end in disaster, yet somehow they've managed to crank out three more sequels to this thing. The plot hasn't just been stretched thin, it's been ripped to shreds and left for dead. But I'm sure some folks are gonna die in some more ever increasingly asinine of ways. Ways so ridiculous it begins to border on the comical. Yes, the deaths have become so over the top they almost make you laugh as this series wallows gleefully in its excesses, completely and utterly ignorant of the hole it continues to dig for itself. Oh well, as long as somebody's neck gets twisted right? Hell, James Wan, the original director and later producer, doesn't even have anything to do with this nonsense anymore. In fact, I think he's directing the movie adaptation of Castlevania. That'll be....interesting. Anyway, I implore all of you. Don't go see this movie. For my sake. I'm sick of seeing saw.

Transformers Revenge of the Fallen Review

Dude #1: “When do we get to see Megan Fox?”

Dude #2: “I dunno. The movie just started.” “Hey, why are those green and pink robots talking black?”

Dude #1: “I dunno. But more importantly, where is Megan Fox?”

“Oh wait, there she is on a….bike…..humina…..humina….humina.”

Dude #2: “Humina….humina….humina.” *drool*

Dude #1: “Woah, check it out dude. That toaster totally turned into a robot and blew up his house. That was awesome, hur.”

Dude #2: “Why are the robots after him?”

Dude #1: “Because they put some thingy in his brain I guess that makes him smart.”

Dude #2: “Pinky and the Brain? Dude, that cartoon was kewl…hee hee.”

Dude #1: “Not Pinky and the Brain, dumbass. Thingy IN his brain.”

Dude #2: “Megan Foxxx……Wait, he’s leavin’ her. He’s goin’ to college. DOES THAT MEAN SHE’S NOT IN TEH MOVIE ANYMORE?! NOO.”

Dude #1: “Dude, this sucks.”

Dude #2: “Yeah, it sucks balls, dude.”

Dude #1: “Wow, the chicks in this college are pretty hot though.” “Man, I wish my college had chicks this hot.” “Hey look the mom just smoked some pot ‘n’ she didn’t know *snrk*.”

Dude #2: “Hur. Hur. That’s awesome.”

Dude #1: “Where’s Megan?”

Dude #2: “I dunno, but that hot blonde is totally tryin’ to do ‘im.”

Dude #1: “Why?”

Dude #2: “I dunno. HOLY CRAP she’s actually the chick from Terminator 3. I didn’t know that was comin’! AWESOME.”

Dude #1: “Why are those robots fighting? I can’t tell who’s who.”

Dude #2: “Um, the guys with the blue eyes are the good guys and the guys with the red eyes are the bad guys.”

Dude #1: “But why are they fighting?”

Dude #2: “I dunno. Look Megan Fox is back. Yesssss…”

Dude #1: “Check it out, that little robot is humping her leg ‘n’ shit.”

Dude #2: “I wanna be that robot, hee hee.” “That’s awesome.”

Dude #1: “Hee hee, that old robot farted.”

Dude #2: “Hee hee.”

Dude #1: “Hur hur.”

Dude #2: “Look, they’re fighting again.” “Look, its military dudes, they look cool.”

Dude #1: “Here come the JORDANIANS!”

Dude #2: “Hee hee, that big one has a set of balls.”

Dude #1: “That’s AWESOME. OhmygodMeganisrunning.”

Dude #2: “Oh God……I can’t take anymore…….she’s running in SLOW MOTION this is so hot….”

Dude #1: “HAWT…”

Dude #2: “Why are the robots fighting again?”

Dude #1: I dunno. Oh man he got to kiss Megan Fox…..

Dude #1 and 2: AWESOME!!!!!!

For the Wii little children.

Apparently some new style Wii controllers are going to be available soon in Japan.






I guess it's safe to say at this point Nintendo has pretty much abandoned any ideas about trying to hook older gamers and shed their "kiddie" image. Hell, this goes beyond "kiddie" image and into the realm of toddlers. Not to bash the Wii or anything, I'd actually own one if the games weren't absolute poop.

Final Fantasy XII, one more time.....

So, what game have I decided to play now that I've tossed in the towel in Demon's Souls? Actually, I've gone back to Final Fantasy XII. I figured I'd give it one more go around before FF XIII releases. But this time, I'm gonna do everything dammit. I will hunt every last mark, even Yiazmat and unearth every secret the game has to offer. I owe it to this game. And honestly, I have to say, after 10 hrs of play already, the game has aged quite gracefully, unlike well, just about every last Final Fantasy game since the SNES games. I couldn't stand to play FF VII through X-2 for any longer than 5 hrs before just giving up and quitting and lord knows I've tried. Anyway, I'll probably write up a big long article about exactly why FF XII rules, why FF games haven't aged well and why FF XIII looks to be a cosmic disappointment, but right now football is on. Bye!

I am teh weaksauce.

When I stated that I was tossing in the towel on Demon's Souls, I didn't necessarily mean that I didn't like the game. I do. And I likely won't get rid of it, if only because it's an Atlus game and I already paid for the special edition version and if I ever wanted to go back and play it I'd probably have to pay a hefty price online for it. Besides, the game is fantastic. It's just, well, I'm getting too old for this shit.

What I mean is, I just don't have the patience for extremely difficult games that I once had. I remember as a kid going through and actually beating all of the Ninja Gaiden games on NES because I actually had things like time and patience to do those things. Nowadays I get probably like 1 to 2 hours tops of gaming in a day because I attend college and work about 20-30 hrs a week. I don't feel like spending that time going through and doing the same thing over and over until I clear it. Because then it just begins to feel like work. Its time to stop playing when you're loading up the game and just going through the motions. And no, the game isn't perfect by any means at all. The targeting system is a little wonky; sometimes you can't exactly target which specific enemy you want, particularly if there are a lot present and in a game where a split second could mean the difference between life and death that's pretty important. The lack of music starts to get to you after awhile also, especially after you've gone through the same area for 50 times and worst of all, while you can reclaim any lost souls you have when you die, if you die in a boss battle you have to enter the boss arena to reclaim it, but of course you have to beat the boss all over again....which, if you're unprepared for the boss you may as well kiss those hard earned souls goodbye.

Oh well, I'll probably return to it at some point later but for the moment at least I'm done.

In Memoriam: Captain Lou Albano

Ah. Yet another wrestling personality passes away. At least this time it's due to old age rather than drugs/injuries/tragedy as is the norm for wrestler deaths these days.

Besides, anyone awesome enough to dress up in a Mario suit and dance behind a blue screen backdrop and insist that we all "Do the Mario" is more than enough to warrant a mention here.


EDIT: That's it. I'm throwing in the towel. I succumb to your power o' Demon's Souls. I give up. I'm gonna go play something else. It's all fun and games 'till an angry flame monster rapes the shit out of you and you lose over 10,000 soul points you'll never get back.

Katamari Forever Review

Um....you roll a little ball around.































And it picks shit up.
































And then it gets bigger.


































And then you pick even more shit up.


































And it's fun.


































So go buy it. Whee!

YOU DIED

......That's a message I've been seeing a lot lately in the past week, thanks to Demon's Souls. Don't get me wrong, I still keep coming back for more, because like I said, it's perversely fun and truly rewarding when you actually get ahead in the game.

It just takes a lot of deaths and a lot of broken controllers time and effort to get there. That being said, I was planning to review this game, but I don't think that review is coming anytime soon because I like to beat, or at least, you know, get far in any game I plan to review but good God I don't think that this game is going to allow me to progress anytime soon. I've had the game for about a week but only have managed to get as far as Armor Spider. (Which ain't far, no sir.)

Of course, when I'm not embarrassing myself with pathetic attempt after pathetic attempt to clear Demon's Souls, Katamari Forever has been soaking up my time also. It's amazing how fun rolling a stupid ball around and picking up a bunch of shit can be.

I thought Resident Evil was extinct? My hopes and dreams have now been utterly crushed.

Oh my God, imagine my chagrin to wake up in the morning and read this news. Yup, Paul Anderson is out to make more videogamers cry with yet another Resident Evil movie. They only get worse and worse with each subsequent film and make amazingly less sense than the next as they constantly stray further and further away from any type of plot resembling the videogame. The synopsis for this one sounds absolutely horrible and makes the videogame Resident Evil 4 plot seem like Shakespeare by comparison.

Shin Megami Tensei: Persona Review

You know, I’ll be honest. I’m very torn about my feelings when it comes to Persona. On one hand what you have is an excellent redesigned port of an older game that addressed many of the issues that plagued it previously. But on the other hand, the game itself just had a few nagging flaws already to begin with that keep it from being fantastic.

Like many games in the Persona series, this game has an excellent, stylish presentation. Many changes were made to give the game an updated feel and it all works. The new opening video is marvelous and captures the feel of the story perfectly. Other new fully animated FMVs, with voice acting exclusively for the English version as well, and of course, the translation has been completely overhauled, in order to present a more authentic version to the English audience. To continue this update, the music has been entirely redone in the style of some of the more contemporary Persona games. It’s all personal opinion really, but for the most part the new music works and tends to get catchy after awhile, even if you have absolutely no clue what they’re singing. It just gets indoctrinated into your brain after awhile and eventually you start to enjoy it. Of course, this a problem in other Persona games as well, but the biggest problem with the soundtrack is that many of the same tracks often repeat way too many times and your growing affection for the music may quickly turn into seething hatred for the music depending on how long your play session is. 2 to 3 hours nonstop of listening to the battle theme tends to have you reaching for the volume button irregardless of how catchy it becomes. But really that’s a minor issue, even if you hate the music there’s plenty more put into this re-release to enjoy that makes it all worthwhile. But unfortunately, the visuals for the most part have remained largely untouched. It’s initially jarring to see how the graphics have aged to a degree, particularly when witnessing the stiff, wooden, battle animations, but really, the graphics overall haven’t aged that badly and while the graphics have remained largely untouched, the menus have been given a brand new look and are easier to navigate and the absolutely atrocious world map from the original game has been mercifully redesigned. Instead of a hideous 3D map, the developers wisely opted for a panned out 2D map and a simple press of the square button will tell you each location in the immediate area. Game progression is handled much more smoothly this go around. Load times have been shortened. An option to shorten battle animations has been added. Walking speed has been greatly increased and holding down the circle button lets you move even faster. All of this helps create a more enjoyable gameplay experience from the original.

This is a fun game. But it helps to remember that this game is not the same experience you’ll get from playing some of the more recent Persona games. This game settles itself in sort of a limbo between the old school dungeon crawling RPGs of yesterday (dungeons are actually in first person in this one) with the more contemporary story driven RPGs of today. Story is secondary to the actual gameplay and you’ll spend most of your time navigating the many of the labyrinths the game offers. That’s not to say that the story isn’t memorable or doesn’t have memorable characters. In fact, one of Persona’s greatest strengths is in the excellent pacing of the game. The plot is revealed in such a fashion that you get just enough information so that you’re able to figure out what your objective is and move forward with little hassle. Never does the game get sidetracked in its plot, dragging the length of the game to an unnecessary level; in fact the game is only about 20 to 30 hours long depending upon your play style and by the end it doesn’t feel like it was too short or too long, but just right.

However, like I previously stated, you’ll be walking around and navigating dungeons in this game. A lot. That’s not particularly a bad thing though. Because where this game shines more than any other area is in its unique battle system. Similar to a chess board almost, you have to place your characters on a grid and their placement on that grid, coupled with their weapon choice is what determines what enemies they can attack. Characters can choose between both weapon and gun attacks, with guns generally providing better range, but sacrificing power over weapons and of course characters can also summon their Personas in battle as well. Each of your characters can keep a stock of up to 3 Personas at a time, with each character having a different affinity for different Personas. In other words, some Personas work better than others depending on who has it “equipped.” Now a staple of any Persona game, players can create new Personas by visiting Igor in the Velvet Room and fusing them together by obtaining various spell cards from the demons you encounter, which brings up the most unique aspect of the battle system, the negotiations. Yes, in order to be successful in Persona, holding conversations and trying to pick out the right answer to please demons so that they’ll relinquish these cards and other items and money is essential. It seems a little confusing at first but really it’s just a matter of mix and matching, and eventually you’ll figure out what to say to which demon after a few encounters. To help you out a meter that displays the demons’ various emotions is displayed and shows your progress with the negotiation. If you find yourself angering it further and further, try having another character negotiate or try a different approach with the same character. It’s this interaction that keeps battles fun and fresh. They can also save your hide if you’re low on health and suddenly get ambushed from behind.

If you feel put off by things like “dungeon-crawler”, and “negotiation” because it sounds like it’s complicated, don’t be. Actually, arguably this game is perhaps the easiest game in the series, provided you do the main storyline. While the inability to attack every enemy on the screen and only those “in range” force you often times to rely on magic, your magic slowly regenerates as you move outside of battle and no matter what spells that particular Persona has learned, it costs the same amount of MP to use no matter what. In fact, your Personas level up based upon how much you use them in combat so there’s absolutely no reason not to use them frequently in combat. If your main character dies, it’s not an instant game over and while exploiting weaknesses is still a part of the strategy, it’s not as absolutely vital to success as it is in P3 or P4. In fact I progressed through the game and very rarely had to use a healing item. Not to imply that this game is a cakewalk or anything. A cheap death is still very possible. There are a lot of nasty status effects in this game that can disable you if you’re not paying attention and your whole party could be quickly wiped out because they continue to neutralize your members and attempting to flee the battle results in failure more than half of the time. Couple this with a very high encounter rate and you could quickly find yourself loading up your last save if you’re not careful. The game isn’t the hardest RPG out there, but it certainly doesn’t allow you to get lazy. Easily the worst aspect of the game is the ridiculous encounter rate. While negotiation with demons helps somewhat it’s still aggravating to take two steps and immediately be thrust into another battle.

But for all of the game’s flaws there’s still plenty of reasons to give the game at least one play through, but really to get the maximum enjoyment from it, multiple play throughs are recommended. In fact, the alternate side-quest, the Snow Queen Quest has been added to this version of the game which was cut out of the original and offers a completely different storyline from the main game. While this is intriguing, I should give a fair warning and say that this is significantly more difficult than the main storyline, although it’s still do-able provided you have the time and patience to complete it. Each story has both a bad and a good ending and which party members you can take along can vary depending upon your responses and choices as you play which makes each play experience different from others.

It’s a little rough around the edges, but overall I enjoyed this revisit to see where the Persona series began. This game won’t set the world on fire or anything but I encourage all fans of the Shin Megami Tensei series to check it out, especially if you’ve never played the original release on PSX. It’s been given a cool new look and feel and while visually it doesn’t really impress by today’s standards the game mechanics still shine and provide two things that are timeless; an intriguing story and plain good ol’ fun.

Demon's Assholes.

Yup, so pretty much as expected Demon's Souls is a completely punishing and utterly unforgiving bastard of a game. But the crazy part? I keep coming for more. That's right, despite having died like 20 times in 2 hours I still continue to take the punishment and press on. This is due to the simple fact that this game managed to achieve what so many other games attempt to do, yet fail at. This game is very hard, because it's just hard. Not yet have I experienced a cheap death out of the innumerable amount of times that I've died. All deaths were due to my erroneous behavior and I have no one to blame but myself. It's all about learning the layout of the levels and making sure you don't make the same dumb mistakes.

I kind of like the whole online interaction thing where you get to leave messages for other players and leave hints and other various tips. Some of those tips have actually saved my hide. So um, to the guy that left that hint in the first stage to attack the box containing the iron balls that roll down the hill and pretty much eliminate 15 possible enemies at once, um, here's my shout out to you. Thanks! Whoever you are.

I'm off to go let Demon's Souls make a bitch out of me some more.

Jack(ass) Thompson at it again...

This guy is such a clown.

Seriously, go away already you attention starved, bottom feeding, media whore.

Facebook doesn't owe this sumamabitch a dime. I wish I could get millions of dollars for everytime someone called me a name.

Only in a Japanese RPG could a fucking basketball do you in.

So, um....yeah. Snow Queen Quest. Much to my chagrin today I made it all the way up to the top of the first tower only to be bested by a group of basketballs and toilet seats right before the boss room. Yup. 2 to 3 hrs or so completely down the drain. Because you see there are no save points once you do a tower and if you get back attacked by a group of enemies due to a spell of bad luck and die because you weren't probably prepared you get hours of work wiped out just like that. Unfortunately such a fate has befallen me today. I likely won't be going back to Persona PSP anytime soon. That Snow Queen Quest is just plain evil man. I like old school RPGs but man, the era of playing for hours with no save points is one I'm glad we aren't re-living in this day and age......

.....That reminds me, Ashley called me and told me that my copy of Demon's Souls will be available for pick up tomorrow. Oh, well. I've got some extra money in the bank I've been saving up for any possible controllers I may throw out of the window in frustration when the first dragon I come across roasts my ass and I lose all of my equipment and items I worked for hours to obtain. I do love wasting my time with frustratingly hard RPGs. I seem to have some sort of sick, twisted obsession with it.

Hurt me MORE Atlus

Persona 1 Complete!

It's pretty much going to be a rainy weekend for me so I won't have much to do, so what did I do? Get ahead on my schoolwork so I'll be extra prepared for anything?

Shyeah, right.

No, I used this little bit of surprising free time that I had to finally finish Persona. Yay. Now I can finally say that I've played and beaten every single game with the name Persona slapped on the box, well....assuming we're not counting Revelations: Persona, the original. 'Cuz this game is pretty much the same as that one. Except better. You know what I mean. I have to say it was pretty fun overall and thankfully the game lived up to my expectations. I didn't think it was going to blow me away but I still found it to be more entertaining than Devil Survivor which admittedly gets pretty boring after awhile. I'll likely give the game another go around as you can get a completely different storyline (albeit harder) with the whole Snow Queen Quest thing. I'll probably put up a review proper of the game shortly since I know the whole world was awaiting with abated breath to know my opinion of it. :P

P2 IS EP AS DLC?!?

I just picked up my copy of Persona 1 at Gamestop today, it was there as "Ashley" promised and of course I'm the only one that pre-ordered it. How ner.....awesome am I? They were nice enough to even package the original soundtrack in with the game. Great! Unless you're one of those whiners complaining about how "THEY RUINED TEH MUSIC IT WAS SO MUCH BETER IN THE ORIGINL TEH JPOP SUXORS". You're just shit out of luck I guess. Anyway. Hopefully this game does well particularly as DLC on the PSN when it releases on 10/1. Why? Because as I've stated a long time ago, I think Atlus will look at the sales for this game for any possible re-releases of Persona 2, which is an even better game than this one. Seriously, even if you didn't pre-order, pick it up off of the PSN and at least give it a shot. You might be surprised. It's aged surprisingly well since 96. Good sales will hopefully finally = Persona 2 Innocent Sin FINALLY getting a translation and perhaps a remake of Eternal Punishment. At the very least the original Eternal Punishment will be available as DLC.

A Movie That May Make Transformers 2 Look Like A Masterpiece

Please don't bother going to see this piece of shit this weekend. I'm pretty sure it's nothing more than an evil social experiment by Hollywood executives to figure out how much money they can make without having to come up with things like special effects, a plot, etc. I'm serious. This movie is MST3K material if it wasn't for its lead star, Megan Fox. She should just go do porn. She'd probably make a lot more money.