The scariest part about this is the fact that this show has been on going for SEVEN YEARS. Yes, for seven fucking years gamers have continued to watch as this drivel assaults their senses year after year. Honestly after watching the original show, I would never have even dreamed they’d bother with doing another show much less have it carry on for nearly a decade now. Even David Spade, the host of the original show, with his limited knowledge of gaming or the gaming industry, knew barely 30 minutes into the original show’s broadcast that Spike TV and whatever corporate assholes’ dick they sucked to hock their shitty product on their programming were dropping a collective turd in a bowl and serving it to gamers and telling them “Eat hearty!” By the end of the thing he looked worn and like he didn’t want to be there and I really can’t blame him. He got their money and never returned and thank God for that.
And for seven years after this awful show this has been allowed to continue! Have these shows gotten any better since? Of course not! In fact I’d challenge that they’ve become worse. Every year its nothing more than a giant EA/Activision or whatever gaming company that decides to shell out the massive ad dollars circle jerk and wankfest to sell a product to gamers, not to honor gaming oh lord no, but to hard sell a product for the next year. Most of it is crap anyways. Most of it is the same shit you played last year but with another name tacked on the end of it. If Activision isn’t trying to make you buy yet another one of their lame franchise games it’s EA trying to make their own piece of shit carbon copy of a gaming fad that is already growing stale and doesn’t necessarily need yet another title hopping on the bandwagon. (Dante’s Inferno, Medal of Honor) These people come out here and don’t bother offering a fresh product, worthy of unveiling, instead come out here and crow “We’re gonna do it again! Fuck all you people who bought our last game, we’re gonna repackage the same shit and sell it to you again next year!” And people still continue to watch this drivel.
For seven years, Spike TV has used what should be a tribute to gaming as nothing more than a celebrity ass kissing contest, whoring out award presentation spots to only the lowliest of celebrities who are either tethered to appear there contractually (Tony Hawk) or a fucking talent less piece of shit comedian like Jack Black who appears year after year to hard sell whatever crappy movie he’s going to appear in and if he’s not doing that he’s taking a huge crap all over the gaming industry and the hobby of gaming in general with his crackpot skits and crude tasteless jokes. Two years ago the show opened with him rubbing his body on game consoles, molesting them with his naked body before a Wii came in and shot him in the head and you people still return two years after this fucking embarrassment to gaming and watch this crap. Are you insane? Any other celebrity involved with this mess looks like they flat don’t want to be there and who could blame them? Half of them don’t even play videogames, half of them are swimsuit models or hot actresses who are only there for the audience to collectively ogle. They look on as they’re accepted a piece of shit of an award that looks like a 3rd grade art project created by one of the executives son’s in the back hours before the show and are like “My God, what in the fuck am I doing here?”
When Spike is not turning my love of gaming into a venue to shill their shitty television that no one watches by constantly promoting their bad TV shows or carting Dana White out there to sell his UFC which is the only thing that network can put on that anyone gives a damn about, they every once in awhile decide to actually present some awards. The problem is that most of these awards aren’t even presented formally. They simply run down a list of the winners and don’t even bother to have any actual real names in the game industry accept any of these things. Why that would take time away from the pretaped skits and the bad outdated musical acts! Moreover, it’s painfully obvious that these awards are rigged from the start as only the companies that are willing to shell out the mighty dollar ever win anything. Nintendo, realizing that they should stay far away from this farce of an awards ceremony, is constantly snubbed year after year after year because they don’t bother to partake in this industry killing piece of shit. Oh sure Spike says that this stuff is viewers choice, but Spike are the ones who get to pick the nominees, not gamers. Hence the reason Super Mario Galaxy 2 wasn’t even up for NOMINATION to kill off any possibility of Nintendo ever winning anything besides their own “Best Wii Game” category that Spike treats as if it were like winning the Special Olympics. Spike never even bothers to offer any sort of verifiable voting percentages of who won by what margin which makes one question the credibility of the voting to start with. And really even if it was kosher, there are too many stupid fanboys out there who wouldn’t look at the games objectively and simply just vote out of blind Fanboyism anyways. These awards are nothing more than an excuse for some game company who paid Spike good money so they can in turn slap a pretty “Spike VGA Award Winner!” sticker on the same damn game and repackage it as an excuse to keep it at full price months after it’s been released. Hello to a few more months at $59.99 MSRB Red Dead Redemption!
For seven long years this has been allowed to continue and the scariest part is that some gamers accept this as any realistic awards show worthy of discussion or even partake in it. My question to you is why? These people who have proven time and time again that they can’t grab their ass with both hands, present to you not a product worthy of respect or adulation from the gaming industry, not a product that you can be proud to show non gamers exactly what makes gaming such a great art form and medium but instead a bad variety comedy show that literally, and I mean LITERALLY in the case of Jack Black, takes gaming and fondles and rapes it in front of your eyes and you people take it and accept it as some sort of legitimate awards show worthy of your time! It’s not an awards show, it’s a marketing scheme designed to sell you a bunch of shit while these corporate fat cats are laughing themselves silly to the bank as they piss in the viewers collective faces! Fuck Spike and fuck anyone involved in this shit. The only thing that would have made this year’s show any good is if someone took all of the celebrities and people responsible for this crap locked them into a small room and rolled a small hand grenade inside sparing us any future misery! Because they can’t even do what they set out to do properly, market a bunch of shit to 18-35 year old males, which is clearly the target demographic for this show. These group of idiots are completely out of touch with most gamers in this demographic and its proven year after year. When they’re not telling a bunch of stupid toilet jokes that only an 11 year old kid could find somewhat worthy of a chuckle or two, they’re carting out a bunch of 50 year old grey haired musical acts like Motley Crue or Def Leppard to perform for the delight of no one but themselves. Nothing says “Hey, the gaming industry deserves to be respected as a legitimate mainstream product every bit as good as movies or books” like carting out two decade old acts whose last meaningful gig was before the fall of the Berlin Wall. Seriously, fuck you Spike! You’re killing the gaming industry!
My mother years ago witnessed me watching the VGAs and after a few minutes she just shook her head and left the room. Spike, that is what people who are non gamers think of your awards show and that’s what you make them think of gaming in general. It’s seen as a goddamn joke worthy of nothing but scorn and contempt and at best, head shaking sympathy that this is falsely advertised as anything other than a complete and utter mockery of the form of entertainment I have grown up with and cherish. The worst part about is that gamers let them do it! You let them keep putting this crap on by not turning your backs on this garbage. You partake in it, you watch it. You tell them, “Hey, I like what you’re going to the gaming industry. I like the mockery you’re making it out to be.” You let them cart out unfunny celebrities who don’t even want to be there and in the case of Sarah Silverman, take a complete shit on you by continuing to perpetuate the bullshit stereotype that gamers are nothing more than pasty faced geeks who live in their parent’s basement eating pizza and guzzling Mountain Dew. Me personally, I expect more.
So then, to wrap it up, I now issue my challenge to you, the readers of this humble blog of mine. I challenge you to find anything and I mean ANYTHING that you can point to that shows that these awards show are beneficial to the gaming industry in any meaningful way. Point to one thing, just one thing that makes anyone say “Hey, this was beneficial to the gaming industry.” I challenge you. And to people who watch simply for the trailers, you’re a fool. You watch this crap just to see the trailers that 1up has up before the show is even off the air? Why? Who cares if you get to be the “first” to see it! Is it really worth letting Spike know that you’re ok with this industry killing pig shit they force-feed down your throat every year? Is it really worth letting Spike take our industry and flush it down the toilet and continue to let it be seen as the bastard redheaded stepchild but other forms of mainstream media? Is it? Just think about that for a minute or two and you might have your answer. If anyone out there wishes to refute my claims or give me any positive reasons why this crap should continue to air year after year, or be seriously covered or talked about or accepted by anyone in the gaming industry, please offer your comments below and I might even agree with you! But until I’m proven otherwise I demand more from an awards show dedicated to gamers and I refuse to allow a bunch of corporate jackasses to shit on my favorite form of entertainment year after year.
