Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia Review

After all this talk about vampires, I figured I should post this review that I had already typed up well over a month ago. I planned to post it back during Halloween time, but that nasty little thing called real life got in the way. It's honestly amazing how despite my utter lack of a healthy social life that I harbor, I still have trouble finding free time to work on this blog. It really is.


It's often been said, "You can never have too much of a good thing", but sadly, that doesn't apply when playing Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia. Really though, it's not Order of Ecclesia's fault, either. Unfortunately, we've all been so spoiled by excellent Castlevania games leading up to this point that OOE just seems like a fairly pedestrian retread of the same old concepts we've been accustomed to since Symphony of the Night.

Poor Order of Ecclesia.

Although this game does have enough to make it stand out. For starters, you play as a female, only done once before in a Castlevania game, named Shanoa. Set in the early 1800s, Shanoa's task as a member of Ecclesia, a group dedicated to the eradication of Dracula, is to recover the stolen pieces of Dominus from fellow Ecclesia member Albus, who seeks to use the Dominus to resurrect who else...Dracula. Along the way you'll learn both the purpose behind Albus' plot and the mystery behind Shanoa's dark past as well. The story, while fairly simple, works well enough to keep you entertained, and Shanoa's mysterious behavior and back story are enough to keep the player interested and there's just enough plot twists timed at the proper moment to hold that interest. The story doesn't particularly impress, it's just that many other Castlevania games have plots that follow the same formula. Some evil guy gets something with which to revive Dracula and the main character must stop said bad guy from reviving him, eventually revealing their tie to the whole plot and discovering something about themselves that they either forgot, or didn't realize altogether. Sound familiar? It's the basic outline for every Castlevania game since Symphony of the Night. As a result, most players will feel a grand disconnect despite the game not having any glaring flaws in its narrative.


Poor Order of Ecclesia.

The game itself does absolutely nothing wrong in the gameplay department either. From a design standpoint, the game is arguably the most refined out of any of the Castlevanias on the DS. The weapon leveling system from Portrait of Ruin and the Soul System have been combined into one to form the Glyph system used in OOE. In a change of pace, the need to equip weapons has been completely excised in favor of equipping these glyphs. Glyphs have many different uses and purposes. Some glyphs are swords for stabbing and piercing attacks, some glyphs are hammers for slow, powerful attacks, etc. You can equip one of these glyphs on each hand and by alternating between both the X and Y buttons; you can attack quickly in succession. You can keep this up for as long as your stamina meter allows. Pressing both X and Y at the same time will yield a special attack that consumes hearts. The attack varies depending on which combination of weapons you have equipped. Glyphs purposes don't stop there though. Some Glyphs are also magic glyphs that allow you to perform various magic spells. Some allow you to emit lightning from your fingertips; some recover your health slowly. There's a gamut of possible uses and combinations with the glyphs for you to experiment with. Much like the Soul System, most glyphs can be obtained by defeating enemies. Other, more important ones that the game requires you to obtain can be found in specific areas. You'll definitely need to experiment with all different possible combinations in order to enjoy success with the game, particularly when it comes to the bosses. The game boasts some very interesting and challenging boss encounters that force the player to think rather than swing their weapon over and over until all their health his depleted. Many boss fights will have you stumped in learning the proper strategy on how to defeat them. It may seem frustrating at first, but it's an ultimately rewarding experience when you do figure it out. The game's innovations don't stop with the battle system either; most of the game takes place outside of Castlevania, and similar to Simon's Quest, there's a village that serves as a central hub, where assisting some of the townsfolk will net you various items and information to aid you in your quest. Unlike Simon's Quest however, the game's different areas are connected together via a world map where you just select where you want to go and you're instantly transported there rather than having to trudge through interconnecting areas to progress. Exploring existing locations will eventually open up new areas and getting the proper items or glyphs will allow you to return to an area previously explored and open up a new path that wasn't there before. Sound familiar? That's because it is. Ultimately, the game, despite its little nuances, is exactly the same kind of Castlevania game they've been making for over 10 years now. Koji Igarashi has gone to this particular well many times and Order of Ecclesia may have just drained it of every last drop. The game does everything well. It's a perfect refinement of the formula we've come to expect from Castlevania now. Ayami Kojima returns after being absent for the first two DS games to design some absolutely stunning and gorgeous characters and locations. Michiru Yamane returns to score a fabulous soundtrack. The piece, "An Empty Tome" takes its place among the all time Castlevania themes. However, throughout the entire game experience, right up until the credits roll, in the back of your mind you can't help but feel and overpowering sense of sheer apathy towards the whole thing, despite the fact that you just played a great game. You can't shake the feeling that no matter how great of an experience it is that you've already experienced greatness that is similar or equal to this before. It's the same problem that a franchise such as The Legend of Zelda currently faces. Each subsequent experience is less intriguing or engaging than the last. Not because of any faults within it's design, particularly, but rather because of the company it keeps.


Poor Order of Ecclesia.

Sad, but true. Order of Ecclesia's main problem is that well, it exists. It's not the game's fault that it's simply another Symphony of the Night offspring in a family that has grown too large. Hopefully, the game will be seen as the end of an era. This game will hopefully represent for the SOTN era of Castlevania games that Rondo of Blood did for the originals. Order of Ecclesia could be, and really, should be, the proper send off to the Symphony of the Night style of Castlevania. I'm not saying that the series is dying or that no future Castlevania games need to be made, but rather I'm issuing advice towards its creators. Guys, take heed of the lessons from franchises like Mega Man.; that sometimes, too much of a good thing and lead to just too much of something, period. It's obvious that the series, and indeed Koji Igarashi himself may have burned themselves out by making so many games in such a short time frame. That being said, I still encourage all to check out Order of Ecclesia if they haven't yet done so, as it's a really fantastic game that has a sad, unfortunate fate of being bundled with equally excellent brethren and that’s what keeps it from being classified as simply good, rather than truly great.

Poor Order of Ecclesia.

Um....wow.

Just.....wow. I think it's safe to say that Stephanie Meyer's MTV and hairspray vision of vampire lore is definitely a lucrative gold mine if anything else.

UPDATE: Apparently Sony isn't making the money from Playstation Home or DLC for the PSP Go as they thought they would. Oh well. As long as they keep the ability to play online free we're good I guess.

One Man's Twilight is Another Man's Dawn.

You know, this weekend is one of those times that I'm glad that I don't have a girlfriend.

There's no way in hell I'd be caught anywhere near that thing. I almost feel sorry for all of the poor souls who have their significant other drag them to watch....nay, suffer through this film.

Okay, okay, I know I'm being a bit of a facetious jerk here; it's not going to be nearly as bad as say, Tranformers or G.I. Joe or presumably any other film Hasbro decides to make.

However, will it still be utterly pretentious, moody and annoying as hell?

Yes.

Up Review

Given all of the scathing, opinionated reviews of movies in particular that I often deliver, one may come to the conclusion that I'm some elitist jerk that can't find the slightest bit of entertainment in anything I watch. I'll admit, it's no secret that yes, most movies I end up watching that look like they'll interest me absolutely disgust me, particularly animated movies. I find most animated movies to be among the most annoying of movies often times. They're usually loud, boisterous, generally unfunny piles of trash with furry little animals running around and getting into madcap zany adventures with poorly told pop culture jokes that barely half, if any, of the intended target audience (young children) will even get. They don't serve any particular purpose; they're merely Looney Tunes shorts that run entirely too long and fail to capture even a fraction of the wit contained within those Looney Tunes classics. In summary, they're just damned obnoxious and they need to die a horrible death.

Thank God for Pixar, though.

This company mercifully doesn't fit the mold of what has become a typical 3D animated film these days. Pixar films have become the standard by which all other animated films should be judged over their long history, and rightly so. They continue to churn out excellent film after excellent film and Up is no exception. By touching upon simple themes that everyone can relate to, Up has managed to warm even my often cold, jaded heart. What makes Up such a success is in its simplicity. The film is only 90 minutes long and as such, very little time is wasted. It gets to the point right from the get go in its first 10 minutes.

Are you guys taking notes?

Carl Fredrickson, once a youthful child in the early 50s, enjoys a spirit of adventure as he and his best friend Ellie, who would eventually become his future wife, plan to visit Paradise Falls. Years pass and they grow old, Ellie eventually passes away and Carl grows remorseful that he could never keep their childhood promise and continues to live out a fairly lonely, mundane existence as an old man. The film does this beautifully in a musical motif that lasts only a few minutes, and instantly you get a sense of Carl's entire character without one whit of dialogue being spoken.

Eventually, Carl begins to realize that world is beginning to pass him by and he just doesn't feel the same anymore. He can't stand all of the construction going on around him, he can't understand why anyone would want to buy his house. In his refusal to let go of his house, he strikes a man with his cane and is forced to be sent off to a retirement home. Rather than be sent along, he reveals millions of balloons that uproot his house and he plans to fly away to Paradise Falls. Along the way he accidentally gets a stowaway in the form of Russell, a chubby little boy scout who, like many young children displays goofy eccentricities that otherwise annoy Carl. He talks too much. He asks too many questions. He's clumsy. He's well; he's what most little boys are like, including Carl himself, when he was a child. Most of the middle portion of the film is spent with just the two on their journey to Paradise Falls, with Carl reluctantly taking the boy along with little choice, although deep down inside, he does care for the kid. In order to transport the house to Paradise Falls he needs Russell's help in carrying it over there, by tying a string around both of their waists and literally dragging it over there while the balloons support it in the air.

The film is a treat, visually as well, displaying bright, beautiful colors and looks particularly gorgeous on a Blu-Ray if you have one.

Thus does Up subtly reveal it's moral lesson. Carl is not only literally tied to his house and his possessions, but rather he's tied emotionally to it as well. He can't let go. Of course, there's a token bad guy present as well, who doesn't play a particularly large role in story, however, his role is very important for displaying what Carl will eventually become if he doesn't let go. That's what makes Up such a brilliant story. Rather than beat you over the head with any particular plot points it wants to address, it tugs at the heart strings of all of us by subtle expression of common themes that people of all ages can connect with. Basically, it represents what Disney movies used to be, not to say that this is a serious film and that there's no place for humor at all. Of course the movie has it's fair share of humor; the exchanges between Russell and Carl in particular are hilarious. The reason why I don't mind the humor in Up is because the humor here works. The characters aren't trying to be cute and funny, they just are. Hence the difference between most Dreamworks swill and this.

Thank God for Pixar.

G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra Review

I went into G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra with much trepidation, I have heard many stories about how horrible the film was, and even some stories went so far as to say that it's somehow worse than even the mighty ball of suck that is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Well, I'm happy to report that it's not nearly as bad as that film.

That being said, the film isn't that much better, sadly. Although, at least this film does at least attempt to make some sort of attempt at plot and character development. Of course, it's all horribly wrong and botched beyond belief, but hey, at least they tried. That's more than I can say for Michael Bay.

Even still, how the hell do you screw up G.I. Joe? I mean, they got the basic idea right. A group of terrorists that originated in the early 12th century France have gotten their hands on some super duper secret weaponry and are now seeking to TAKE OVER THE WORLD MUA HA HA HA and only our heroes G.I. Joe can stop it. Yeah, I wasn't exactly looking for a poignant, thought provoking film that makes look at life differently or anything. I was just expecting some good old cheesy fun that pays homage to G.I. Joe.

And of course they screwed it up.

To begin with, there's mucho character assassination present...

Duke/Scarlet: Duke and Scarlet are not an item whatsoever. Although they felt the need to pair Scarlet up with Rip Cord. Uh..what? Duke in fact, is with....

The Baroness: Yup, the Baroness. Huh?.... Apparently Duke and the Baroness were once an item before he became a member of G.I. Joe. Um, no. She's with Destro. And Destro only.

Cobra Commander: They show his face. Yeah....that's probably the biggest cardinal sin of them all. You guys should've taken the lessons from the G.I. Joe animated movie and learned that that was a supremely bad idea. In fact, Destro and Cobra Commander don't reveal themselves until the final moments of the film, in a lame attempt at surprise, I suppose, and the wait is not worth it. I know that a man with a silver face and a guy in a blue suit with a helmet that covers his whole face already look strange, but the movie makes them look even sillier, and not for the better.

For some odd reason Flint and Lady Jaye weren't present either as they were some of the more popular characters also. I guess they're holding out for G.I. Joe II: The Rise of Vomit.

Really, the only character escape this holy jihad against sticking with source material was Snake Eyes. Oh, and Dennis Quaid as Commander Hawk was pretty cool, despite the fact that he was wasted in the role.

It honestly may seem like I'm being a nerd and nitpicking at things here to those who aren't G.I. Joe fans, but my God, when you change up so many simple things like this, it just really detracts from the experience and it doesn't feel like G.I. Joe, but rather a lame knockoff that just uses the brand name to rack in the money, which, of course, is all it is. Seriously guys, you could Google this crap in less than 10 minutes and find out all of the correct character backstories and relationships.

I might could have forgiven all of this if the action sequences weren't so nonsensical. I already expected over the top action given the source material but even this film takes things to a ludicrous extreme, of which the chase scene in Paris is arguably the most silly. Someone in Hollywood needs to learn that bigger and crazier doesn't necessarily equal better action. It's as though this film did everything in its power to try to one up other Hollywood blockbusters as if to say; "There! Beat that! I dare you." In a scene that resembles Bullitt on LSD, supposedly covert operatives, G.I. Joe chases after the Cobra in a madcap effort from destroying the Eiffel Tower, decked out in these Master Chief looking power suits as they literally run at super speed in order to keep up with the Cobras moving vehicle, literally running into other cars and objects on the highway. Some covert operatives they are. I know you're trying to keep with Michael Bay and top his zany over the top action with your own, Mr. Sommers, but also bear in mind that despite creating a action vehicle cash cow, you have to remember that the action, while over the top, has to make some semblance of sense. A supposedly covert team of operatives running into cars like a destruction derby and causing arguably more destruction than the terrorists themselves doesn't make sense. My God, The Incredible Hulk kicked over less cars than G.I. Joe. Somehow these super powered suits (and since when did G.I. Joe need lame power suits?) also keep them from dying or even feeling the slightest of pain, despite having crashed into a vehicle at speeds of 100 MPH. Yes, it's as ridiculous and looks as utterly fake as it sounds.

And somebody seriously should have told somebody that ice doesn't sink in the water.

That's why the action and indeed the movie fails. In their effort to wow the audience, everything just comes off as looking entirely too fake and coupled with the overuse of GGI graphics, the whole thing looks like a videogame that you can't play. It's almost like the movie needed a HUD with life bars and gun/ammuntion displays. Just like any videogame with too many cutscenes and not enough playtime, G.I. Joe isn't very fun to experience either.I guess life bars and arbitrary numbers on the screen make that much of a difference, I suppose.

G.I. Joe is a poorly done action flick that is neither worth your money or your time, even if you are a long time fan, especially if you are a long time fan given that it pretty much takes a nice little whiz on everything you knew and loved about the cartoon series anyway. It's basically like watching your buddy play Killzone 2 while he shits in your mouth for two hours straight.

Sadly, that's still better than Transformers 2.

More Pointlessness: Part Deux

Interesting, this page seems to be getting more hits in past week or two, despite the fact that I haven't done a damn thing on here. Well, fine. Maybe I won't write any more crap for you people. You will get no more reviews from me! Wait, for most, that's a good thing. Oh, fine. You all asked for it. That's it. I'm gonna be a review machine, dammit. You'll have to put up with a constant deluge of reviews from me. Yeah.

That being said, G.I. Joe continues to sit on my desk, taunting me. I need to quit putting it off. Every day I delay watching it, the greater the buildup is. Worse than Tranformers: ROTF? God, how? We shall see.

A pointless post where I just offer random musings about life.......even more so than usual, I mean.

Well, thankfully yesterday's fiasco is over and none of my family members have been seriously hurt. Oh well, maybe now I can focus on writing some reviews. I'll get to work on them straight away as soon as I find some more free time and I'm in the mental capacity to actually focus on writing them. I plan to watch G.I. Joe this weekend, if only for the train wreck factor. According to a few of my peers, they mention that its actually worse than Transformers. I have no idea how this is cosmically possible, but I should hopefully have an answer by at least Monday.

In other non important news, I headed to Walmart to pick up some ink for my printer when I caught a gay man checking me out. Oh boy. Let me clear this for you guys. I have no problem with gays, but I don't swing that way. I'm sorry. I prefer those of the fairer sex, you understand.

Now women, why can't you check me out, huh? Start doing that and maybe we're having a conversation.

Oh wait, I'm a videogame/movie blogger. I just answered my own question. Nevermind that, carry on.

No the sickness hasn't claimed me.

I've just been very busy with school work and what not. I'm sure I'll probably get some reviews up in the future.

In other more important news......Jesus Christ this is hitting a little too close to home.