Super Anime Movie Fun Time

Oh Dragonball Evolution, Dragonball Evolution…..how much did I love thee? Let us indeed count the ways.

Oh who am I kidding? Everyone knows this is an absolute turdburger. I mean, just look at it. I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover and all that but it looks plain ridiculous. I had almost contemplated not writing a review of this movie it was so bad. It’s like picking on the smelly kid who eats glue in elementary school. It just feels freaking mean to rag on this obvious abortion of a film, but I’ll go ahead and opt to do it anyway, because it freakin’ deserves it man.

To be fair, it’s not like the source material for this movie was all that great to begin with. I mean, let’s face it, Dragonball kinda sucked. I used to watch it years ago as a kid but now that I’m a little older, and have since seen much more sophisticated anime over the years, I now realize that it’s just not that good. It’s not the bad English dub or anything like that; even the Japanese original isn’t that good. Even still, this franchise deserved much better treatment on the silver screen than what it was given with this pile of nonsense. For starters, let me clarify something. This film is actually based on Dragonball, not Z; as in, the original series. This is a somewhat strange decision as in the US at least, DBZ is immensely more popular than the original series because we were introduced to Z first and Z has much more of a focus on action than its original counterpart. So why in the world did they not just make a DBZ movie? Did they honestly think this movie would sell? Guess what, it didn’t. It did horrible numbers at the box office and apparently the people who made the film realized their mistake a bit too late and tried in vain to slap “Z” edition on the DVD and BRD in an effort to sell more copies I guess. This film is only very loosely based on the original series, however. To say that this movie takes liberties with the canon of the manga is a pretty big understatement. This movie roughly combines Goku’s initial meeting with Bulma and then fast forwards to the very end of Dragonball itself where he takes on King Piccolo. Therein lies one major problem. This one 90 min. film can’t possibly express Dragonball’s long 3 arc manga in such a short time frame. The film barely has anytime to exposit any dialogue explaining what is going on and making any effort for the viewer to care. This leaves virtually no room whatsoever for things like character development as the story rushes from one scene to the next. Piccolo is easily one of the most dull, uninteresting villains I have ever seen. No explanation is given for how the seal that kept him locked away for a millennia was broken. No reason is given whatsoever why he wishes to destroy the world, or whatever his wish will be. The movie doesn’t even explain that to any degree of satisfaction. As a result, the viewer is given little reason to care about the goings on. Not a single character in this film displayed any sort of individual personality.

Seperated at birth?!

So yeah, I mean, look at it. Should I honestly have expected a decent plot? Of course I didn’t. I figured at least the choreography would be sound. Nope. This has got to be some of Stephen Chow’s worst work ever. Combat is slow, boring, and predictable. Everything Dragonball is not. Where was the over the top action? Where was the crashing into mountains and battling at breakneck speeds? That is what Dragonball is about. That is what everyone wants to see in this film and that is why it made little money at the box office when everyone dumb enough to go see it the opening weekend spread the word to others that this is not what the film offers.

Perhaps this is a good thing, however, as many of the special effects were absolutely laughable anyways. Goku’s Kamehameha wave looked like a propane gas leak. The Oozaru transformation looked like it could have been done on an Xbox 360. In short, this film offers nothing visually, nothing choreographically and nothing from a storytelling standpoint.

Overall, it’s exactly what I figured it would be and that’s why I felt almost bad to rag on it. It already embarrasses itself. Perhaps when they decide to do Bleach: Evolution 10 years from now and Tite Kubo sells his properties and his soul for more cash, maybe I’ll be feeling a little more generous and not rip apart a film that just simply doesn’t know any better. But I doubt it.

KOF XII Rant. This may take 772 MB to read.

You know what, it has to be said. King of Fighters XII is simply unacceptable. I’m a huge KOF fan, but I unfortunately must come to this ultimate and final conclusion. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to like this game, but simply can’t. I cannot justify the 60 dollar price tag attached to this title. I knew that the game didn’t have very many features or that many fighters, but I still bought the thing because I love the KOF series and I mostly bought it for the online.

The online. Oh boy where to begin. Yes, yes, they’re working hard or whatever to fix the lag but let’s be honest; there shouldn’t have been this lag to begin with. Again, go back to the $60 price tag. SNK has no business releasing a game at full price that feels unfinished especially when you consider that the online mode was really all it had going for it. This game was supposed to be a reinvigoration of the series. This game is a joke. As much as I didn’t care for SF4, and as much as you can crack on it and say it has a naked Pepsiman for a final boss and you only see Ryu and Ken online players, at least it had workable online functionality right out of the box and I didn’t have to sit here and wait for an hour to d/l some 772MB (!) patch just to get the one barebones feature of this game that I blew $60 on. There is a perfectly viable alternative to this game on the store shelves right now and it’s called BlazBlue Calamity Trigger. That game is sitting in my drawer underneath my TV and I’m starting to miss it. I’m a long time fan and I can’t even be pleased by this game. How in the world anyone who has never played a KOF game before gets into this series by being introduced to this title is beyond me. Because honestly, I’ve got another perfectly viable alternative to this game sitting in my drawer too. It’s called KOF Orochi Saga and it’s got 5 perfectly fine KOF games for a budget price. I should have just stuck with that.

“Oh! But you should wait for the next patch!” some say. I say don’t charge me $60 for a game you still haven’t worked the kinks out of.

“Oh! But there will be more characters in the DLC!” some say. I say don’t charge me more money to play as characters that should have been included in the game in the first place especially when the game features as little backgrounds and as much barebones gameplay modes as possible.

“Oh! But its about the gameplay! They just wanted to focus on the fighting engine!” I say, so did BlazBlue and it got everything else right. No excuses. Especially if they want my $60.

“You just wait until they make the next totally awesome epic KOF game that’ll have 100 characters and 50 stages! This is only the beginning!!!!” some say. I say when they make that game, then I’ll be perfectly happy with my $60 purchase, until then, shame on them for releasing this ridiculous game.


But honestly, why should SNK bother making that totally awesome KOF game? They already got my money because I stupidly bought the game. Some fat cat is probably sitting in his fat cat office laughing at all of us as we struggle in vain to win a ranked match because everything is so slow it looks like a PowerPoint slideshow. Why should they bother when people are willing to accept this crap and defend it, ready and willing to give SNK more money for content that should have and could easily have been included in the first place, ready at the keyboard to defend a junk game while they wait for their massive hours long patch to download all in anticipation of playing as perhaps two more characters, and if we’re lucky, one more stage.

Who watches the Watchmen? Well, if you like good movies, I would.

The Watchmen is an absolutely tremendous comic book adaptation. Set in an alternate 1985, where Richard Nixon is President, the threat of a nuclear holocaust is a very real danger and superheroes exist, the film begins with an unknown assailant tossing an ex superhero out of his window onto the ground below, killing him. Things initially make no sense but slowly and beautifully does the plot unravel. Eventually, the killer is found and the mystery solved, but there is so much more to the story than that. Sure, the suspense of finding out who the killer is, is intriguing, but really that simply serves as an initial attention getter in order to keep you interested for what this story is really trying to tell you. For those that have never read the graphic novel upon which it’s based, this is not a typical tale of good vs. evil where the heroes come together to stop an all powerful villain. In fact, this story is largely a critique of the entire “superhero” concept. This story is both a murder mystery and a morality play that challenges to see the world in shades of grey rather than simple black and white. The “heroes” in this movie all have problems just as any other normal human beings would. Much like actors in a play, once these heroes go home and remove their costumes, they often face many of life’s problems just like anyone else. While those not already familiar with the characters watching the movie and trying to remember all of the characters might seem like a daunting task initially, the movie very skillfully utilizes its lengthy 3 hours of play time to slowly flesh out each of the important characters back stories. That ultimately, is the greatest strength of this film. It does an excellent job of deviating from the main plot just long enough to give you just enough information that you care about the characters on screen without losing focus of the present. It’s a very fine line that this movie walks to perfection. Of course the film has some great stylized action sequences inserted throughout as well. Given the director, Zack Snyder, who also did 300, you would come to expect this level of hard hitting brutality. There’s no fanciness to any of it really. It’s very realistic and serves the underlying purpose of showing that these heroes must do some very violent things in the name of justice. Some even resort to killing, in order to give the bad guys what they deserve. The story makes no commentary against such actions, its just there, for you to make your own interpretation. This is a movie of questions, not answers.

In the end this movie provides one of the most satisfying comic book movie experiences I’ve ever had. It provides a very satisfying ending that makes you question what exactly is good and what exactly is bad in the world. In essence, it uses the idea of comic books and superheroes to tell a story critiquing the basic nature of all human beings, even seemingly infallible superheroes are in the end, just like you and I. Dr. Manhattan said it best when he stated that he still can’t change his reaction to the future, just because he knows about it. Despite having almost God like powers, simple things still affect him emotionally. Watchmen was always my favorite of Alan Moore’s graphic novels, and it’s great to see it get the treatment it deserves on the big screen. I just wish League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was this good.

Bipolar disorders are never funny....usually.

I don't particularly plan to engage in politics or talk about it much particularly on this blog, but this is so outrageously funny it deserves special mention. For anyone not familiar with Glenn Beck, he's pretty much a conservative talk show host with one major problem....he's certifiably insane. Don't believe me? Then watch this video.



Now I know that my particular political leanings are more towards the liberal/progressive side of the spectrum, but honestly, even if you're a conservative, even if you believe that government run healthcare is a bad idea, this has got to be absolutely embarrasing to have this clown as your mouthpiece. I almost feel kind of sorry for you guys. In any case if "GET OFF MY PHONE!" doesn't become the latest internet meme going around that will honestly be a crying shame.

The Wheel of 2D Fighters Fate is Turning.

So, as anticipated, BlazBlue is pretty much as the kids say, “full of win.” The game is pretty much awesome and one of the most balanced fighting games ever. It’s easy to pick up and play for a newbie, yet absolutely difficult to master and a skilled player will cream you if you don’t know what you’re doing. I’m sure I’ll give it the satisfaction of a full review sometime in the near (probably not so near) future. And I mean, a full review; not the usual write a 2 paragraph, hastily thrown together write up with a bad joke or two tossed in review either. Yeah, it’s that good. I’m willing to dedicate that much of my time to it.

But more importantly, BlazBlue is actually way more popular than I imagined it to be. Many gamers are actually curious about the game and want to try it. This is a very good thing. Between this, the soon to come King of Fighters XII, and yes, even the ultimately lame Street Fighter IV, I have to say that the 2D fighter is back. Glad to see you. We missed ya. Yeah, I know there was Guilty Gear to keep us fed for nearly a decade but that was pretty much it. It was so irritating to see game developers feel the need to try out some 3D format on franchises that simply work best in 2D. King of Fighters Maximum Impact for example, was a flat out embarrassment. Maybe with the growing popularity of BlazBlue and the sheer hype surrounding SF4, maybe now developers will start making more 2D fighting games. I think also part of it is the advent of online gaming becoming more and more common on the consoles. Unfortunately, in my area I know of no one that really plays any 2D fighting games so 99% of my Guilty Gear excursions were against the computer. Only on the rare occasion when I was able to visit my brother did I get to play another actual human being. The problem with playing the computer often times is it’s hard to find the right difficulty balance. Set it too low and the game is embarrassingly easy. Set it too high and you get destroyed by an A.I. that pulls off damn near impossible combos to input. But now with online gaming for consoles becoming more and more of a common thing, I’m able to go online and play tons of different players and actually interact with them kind of giving the sense of that old school arcade feel from the early 90s and I absolutely love it. 2D is not dead, we may just see a revival yet. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

The hate craved fools just won't stop.

So I managed to listen to the entire soundtrack for Persona on PSP and I have to say I rather enjoyed it. It's easily one of Shoji Meguro's best work to date. However, I seem share somewhat of a minority opinion regarding the soundtrack as most people actually seem to hate it. I'm not entirely sure what the reason for that is, but it seems to have to do with the fact that its representative of the fact that this series has taken a recent turn for the lighthearted and isn't all dark and moody anymore. Well, actually, I find this to be a good thing as I think the new lighthearted tone that this series has taken has made it more refreshing and sets it apart from the other games in the Megaten franchise. You want dark and moody? Go play DDS. (Don't get me wrong I love DDS, but its nice for a franchise of games to be diverse.) And honestly, the original Persona wasn't all that dark, at least in comparison to the regular Megami Tensei games that came before it. Come on guys, change is good sometimes. Embrace it. Besides, at least now we get a proper translation instead of a bastardized Americanization, so chin up okay? Everything will be alright.

Street Fighter The Legend of Chun-Li Review

So, I finally managed to catch Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li, and yes, as expected it was pretty much junk. However, that being said, it wasn’t quite as bad as the atrocious Jean Claude Van Damme version, but that’s not exactly a compliment or anything. I’d rather have my balls blowtorched than sit through that film again. Well, before I begin focusing on why this movie wasn’t very good, I should at least point out the film’s merits of which there aren’t many. The action sequences were okay, the movie had a fairly simple plot that didn’t seem to waste too much time and while most characters from the game got the shaft; Balrog actually managed to get a decent representation and was played by an actor that actually looked like the character to a degree.

Too bad I can’t say the same for the rest of the cast.

Um.....no.

I don't think so.

Although this guy would have been an awesome Geese Howard, just sayin.

Oh my God, did they even try? One has to wonder, like I said, with the exception of Balrog, and perhaps even Chun Li arguably; absolutely none of these characters even come remotely close to looking like their videogame counterparts. I’m a huge Street Fighter fan and before I watched this film I had absolutely no idea who any of these characters were supposed to be on the front cover excluding Chun Li and Vega, thanks to his obvious mask. I mean, come on, at least give Charlie, excuse me, Nash (and just why does he keep his original Japanese name but Bison, Vega and Balrog retain their American names?) a pair of glasses to wear at least jeez. Gen? Seriously, you mean to tell me that’s supposed to be Gen? Hell, I would’ve picked Fei Long before I went that route. I thought Gen was supposed to be old? Bison? Do I really need to even point that one out? I know I’m sounding like some raving fanboy whose biggest complaint is that the characters don’t look exactly like they do in the games and honestly, I could probably have forgiven this massive oversight if it wasn’t for the insane amount of character assassination that took place in the 90 minutes of film time.

I wanted to like this movie, I really did, I didn’t go into it expecting a Shakespearian tragedy, but I figured that maybe the screen writers would have at least played Street Fighter for at least 10 minutes before deciding to pen the script. And yeah, I know that fighting games don’t exactly have decent plots to go off of, but this movie just strayed way too far from source material. Vega gets absolutely pummeled by Chun Li in less than 5 minutes and I’m supposed to take him seriously as some bad ass assassin? On top of that disgrace you make him ugly!? Talk about totally and utterly destroying the very essence of a character. Sheer, utter blasphemy. Perhaps the worst of all is Bison. Granted in the games he has no real back story and any hint as to his origin is cryptic and vague at best. That being said, why did they feel the need to waste time making up some silly origin for his character in this movie? Apparently, he performed some demonic ritual and poured the goodness of his soul into the spirit of his unborn daughter and now he is a merciless human being with no heart. If that’s the case, why does he bother to spare Chun-Li’s life when she was a child? Again, it’s just pointless nonsense like this that is peppered throughout this movie that could have easily been avoided. Some things just don’t need an explanation. Bison is an asshole just because he is.

All of this culminates into a flat out boring wannabe kung fu flick that will entertain no one and bore everyone. Fans like myself will be turned off from it as the lack of resemblance of the characters both physically and personality wise to the games remove any emotional attachment or interest to the product and non fans will just be bored by the mediocre martial arts action that is done much more stylishly in even the worst of Jet Li’s or Jackie Chan’s films.

Blaz Blue First Impressions

Holy cow I've finally dug my PS3 out to actually play a new game on it for once. I managed to pick up a copy of Blaz Blue today, and I must say from the first 30 minutes of play, it seems pretty awesome. I'm sure a full synopsis is forthcoming as I get to delve into the game a little more, but I would highly recommend this game to anyone who loves good old 2D fighting games. Its made by the same team that designed the Guilty Gear games so anyone familiar with those will love the game and feel at home instantly. Even better the Limited Edition comes with the 42 song, undoubtedly awesome soundtrack by Daisuke Ishiwatari (What, don't know him? Shame on you.) and a Blu-Ray movie that offers strategies and tutorials like a strategy guide. It costs the same as just getting the game by itself so there's absolutely no reason not to get it.

You'll have to excuse the lame picture quality as I used the Playstation Eye to capture this but you get the idea. Anyway, between this and King of Fighters XII that is soon coming out and apparently going to be awesome as well, it would defintely seem that Street Fighter 4 is pretty much already rendered as junk. What a shame.

I really will write something of merit soon. I promise!

Just in case I gain some sort of massive following over the weekend (Spoiler: I won't) I'll finally have a legitimate review of something next week instead of this week as planned. I've been actually busy with real life stuff (Why yes, I do have a life despite creating this silly blog) and editing this page significantly. Have a happy 4th of July.