If there is any real true American patriot out there, it’s Guile ladies and gentlemen. Respect the Guile. Honor the Guile. Guile is more awesome than you could ever possibly imagine. Seriously, the guy has a freakin American flag tattooed on his arm. If that doesn’t scream “patriotic bad ass” I don’t know what does.
Not only that he can rock the camo in just about any color, even pink. Yes, he’s bad ass even in a pink camo uniform because of the way he simply destroys his opponents. Ken, Ryu, Zangief, Chun Li. They all fall victim to the Flash Kick. Flash Kick has priority over all. Shoryuken? Flash Kick. Spinning Bird Kick? Flash Kick. Spinning Pile Driver? Flash Kick. It is the answer to all of life’s problems. Flash Kick can cure cancer and stop world hunger.
But enough about the amazing Flash Kick. Let us not forget the hairdo. The epic hairdo that only the Guile can pull off. Never does he allow it to be molested or tampered with in anyway. The hairdo is always in a constant perpetual state of perfection. Never does Guile allow the hairdo to succumb to any flaws.
I can already feel you laughing. But you fools have no idea. You have no clue as to the power that Guile possesses. You see Guile only unleashes a smidgen of his power because most times that is all he needs. But when he needs to truly unleash his unfettered wrath and fury; he utters two words that make the Gods tremble.
SONIC BOOM.
That’s right. The mighty earth itself is shattered when the Sonic Boom is unleashed, destroying all who dare step into it’s path of destruction. Losers like that naked Pepsiman Seth try to emulate the Sonic Boom; a pretender in a feeble attempt to usurp Guile’s throne. No, you fools have no idea of the true power of Sonic Boom. Only one who is worthy such as Guile can attempt such a maneuver.
But do not worry, for Guile is on America’s side. He fights for truth, justice and the American way. I feel comfortable at night knowing that Guile is ever vigilant, protecting our nation at home and abroad. Evildoers beware when Guile brings his force of Captain America and Ken Masters. Such a trio of jingoistic American awesomeness can barely be contained. When the power of the Shin Shoryuken, Final Justice and Flash Kick mesh into one massive attack of United States patriotism, often times the arcade machines and consoles explode, unable to contain the power within. I’m glad they’re on my side. So for this 4th of July, respect our hero Guile and try your best to even amount to a fraction of his complete awesomeness.
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