Thursday, May 26
A Dragon Quest Anniversary Approaches! Command?
Hopefully this means a U.S. release in the future. Not that I'd have the time to play them or anything. I barely get an hour a day of gameplay time as it is. Still, it would be nice to be able to say I finally own all of the DQ games.
Wednesday, May 25
Raiding some tombs once more.
Started playing a bit of the Tomb Raider Trilogy on PS3, got through the first two stages of Legend and I realized that this game has not aged well at all. Combat is awful, with no way to take cover, no indication of grenade tosses and no melee. Worse yet, there are a number of graphical glitches; tonight I had to restart the entire second level due to Lara getting stuck onto a ledge. On the other hand, the platforming and movement is done very well and it's influence is seen in later games such as Assassins Creed and Uncharted. After the stiflingly restricted and slow movement of Cole Phelps in LA Noire, this felt like a breath of fresh air.
Actually, despite pretty much sucking at well, everything, one good thing LA Noire had going for it was the MotionScan technology. I'd love to see a Tomb Raider game that used Angelina Jolie's voice and likeness. It's pretty much the only movie role I ever liked her in.
Actually, despite pretty much sucking at well, everything, one good thing LA Noire had going for it was the MotionScan technology. I'd love to see a Tomb Raider game that used Angelina Jolie's voice and likeness. It's pretty much the only movie role I ever liked her in.
Monday, May 23
C-c-changes....
Yes, it's an actual honest to God BLOG ENTRY. Now that I've put a lot of stupid personal bullshit that will honestly take more space than this to allow it's once again time to get back into the swing of talking about stupid pointless bullshit to absolutely no one. Ah yes, I definitely know how to prioritize in life. More frequent entries to come soon.
Thursday, January 6
Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy: The Final Chapter
FINAL CHAPTER: A BRIGHT AND COLORFUL FUTURE?
When we last left our heroic hedgehog he was left battered, broken and humiliated after several years of missteps and misfires from the very company that created him. Once the king of the mountain of the videogame industry, all it took was a decade of destruction to ruin him almost beyond repair. Despite a few well meaning handheld titles that in all honestly weren’t too bad it simply wasn’t enough to save the tidal wave of shit stinking up the consoles during the first decade of the millennium. Many people were predicting the end of Sonic as his only decent appearances were shameless plugs for his character appearing in various games with his arch rival Mario in what essentially amounted to a washed up celebrity appearing on Dancing with the Stars in the hopes of retaining whatever shred of credibility they have left. Yet however in 2010, Sega announced both Sonic 4 and Sonic Colors. Most of us fans at this point rolled our eyes and wanted to kick someone at Sega in the nuts. Leave Sonic alone for fuck’s sake. Haven’t you assholes done enough damage? Let him die off in obscurity, in a lesson learned that anyone, no matter how popular, will someday meet their end if you put product quantity over product quality. However, Sonic 4 would be a promise to return to the series roots. Early E3 video seemed to suggest as much. Was Sega finally getting it? I wasn’t firmly convinced but I figured I’d give them a shot this one last time. It was put up or shut up time for Sonic. This game had to deliver. The question is, did it? Yes and no.
On one hand Sonic 4 mercifully ignores just about everything that’s happened with the series over the course of 10 years and really is a reboot of the series of sorts. A proper reboot, unlike that other pile of garbage that shall not ever be mentioned again. This game was an attempt to begin the slow healing process of the damage Sega had done for several years. And for the most part the game did just that. However, the main problem of the game was that Sonic didn’t seem to have any future. Sonic would forever be stuck in the 90s, perhaps a product of its time. There was no fresh new Sonic on the horizon. Everything smacked of a “Here we go again!” feel and no meaningful change was made. The two Mario Galaxy games took everything of the past 20 years of Mario history and expanded on it and created two of the finest videogames ever made. The Mario franchise was evolving and changing while Sonic seemed to be stuck in the past. Sonic 4 was a game that should have been made in 1995 but here in 2010 it just seems dated. While Sonic did manage to finally get his head above water, there was really nothing here to make me feel comfortable that Sonic had indeed made a return. This was hopefully a small step in things to come. Sega still had one more release for Sonic in 2010 and it was going to be a Wii exclusive. What on Earth did Wii owners do to deserve a 3D Sonic game the industry wondered. Finally in November Sega foisted Sonic Colors upon us.
Yes, amazingly enough Sonic Colors wasn’t just good, it was great! I had to slap myself silly several times to remind myself that this actually was a Sonic game. After 15 years, 15 fucking years Sega FINALLY got it. This is the natural progression of Sonic and is the game they should have made back in 1999. Sonic Colors takes all of the bad things about the 3D games prior and throws them out saving the one or two good ideas they had from each of those games and combines them to make easily the best modern Sonic to date. By the time I hit the fourth area of the game I knew that Sonic had finally made his triumphant return legit this time. For the first time like ever water stages in a Sonic game were actually fun and as I happily waded through the water every bad mistimed pitfall, every badly acted cutscene, every unnecessary character, every last bit of aural trash that permeated my ears in the past 10 Sonic games was whisked clean away from my mind and I for the first time in a lifetime felt like a kid again playing Sonic. It was that magic feeling I hadn’t gotten since Sonic 3 and I loved it.
For the first time I felt
that this was the natural progression of Sonic. Colors takes the best of both worlds. It combines the 2D games with the best of the 3D ones while adding fresh new power ups that utilize the Wiimote to enhance the experience. Basically, it’s what these guys should have been doing with Sonic for ages now. This is all we ever wanted Sega! We didn’t want or need all of these stupid, wholly unnecessary characters. We needed change yes, but we needed meaningful change. Not crap piled on top of crap. Don’t bother creating vehicle driving stages or fetch quest stages with your myriad of supporting jackass characters if you can’t even get the basic Sonic stages right. Don’t make your game multiplatform if you can’t even produce a quality game on at least one of them and for the love of God don’t ever...again...try to take Sonic and make him more “mature”. Now that you guys have pretty much chased off every last Sonic fan for the past 10 years with your bullshit save for us diehards who are still crazy enough to actually have given you this last final chance, here’s your opportunity to try and build a new fan base. The key to remember here, mature does not equal dark or complicated. Look at Mario, Mario still maintains a childish light hearted atmosphere yet people of all ages continue to play them. Why is that? Well for starters the games don’t suck, but also and this is equally important, the Mario games don’t patronize it’s audience. When you take anthropomorphic animals and try to present some Final Fantasy plot it only serves to alienate older gamers, confuse younger gamers and generally piss off everyone involved. Now read carefully anytime you guys get a bug up your ass and try to take Sonic in that awful direction again, hell you might even want to take a deep breath and repeat it to yourself several times. Hell, say it everyday before you guys go to work in the morning...whatever. So long as you have this engrained into your fucking skulls….THEY’RE FUCKING CARTOON ANIMALS
Got that? Happy. Lighthearted. Fun. Vibrant. Exciting. This is what Sonic was, and what Sonic should be. This is what Sonic Colors was. Thank you for finally taking the stones you’ve had cast your way to heart and actually addressing the issues we’ve had with Sonic for over a decade now. I don’t ever want to have to come on here again and type Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy ever again. Please I implore you to take these lessons to heart because I’ll probably end up typing Diary of a Former Sonic Fanboy if you don’t.
Sonic your 20th anniversary is coming up. It’s been a rocky road for most of it but it’s ended on a high note. Please, when you finally reach your 25th anniversary I want it to be on a high note. Continue this success and do not falter. I was a Sonic fan before I became a Mario fan. Sonic Colors wasn’t perfect and by no means a Mario Galaxy game, but it was a huge step in the right direction and maybe with time and effort someday you can take that top spot again. I’ll be pullin’ for ya.
THE END
Tuesday, December 14
The Spike VGAs: Seven Years of Taking a Dump on Gamers
There’s this little thing that happens every December. It’s a sad piece of crap and offensive turd burger of a program known simply as the Spike Videogame Awards, or more commonly referred to as “The VGAs.” This show supposedly honors the very best in gaming for that particular year by handing out prestigious “awards” to the winners and honoring the accolades of the gaming industry. Personally, I would have cut through the bullshit and gone with this title to lay out what this show really is…
The scariest part about this is the fact that this show has been on going for SEVEN YEARS. Yes, for seven fucking years gamers have continued to watch as this drivel assaults their senses year after year. Honestly after watching the original show, I would never have even dreamed they’d bother with doing another show much less have it carry on for nearly a decade now. Even David Spade, the host of the original show, with his limited knowledge of gaming or the gaming industry, knew barely 30 minutes into the original show’s broadcast that Spike TV and whatever corporate assholes’ dick they sucked to hock their shitty product on their programming were dropping a collective turd in a bowl and serving it to gamers and telling them “Eat hearty!” By the end of the thing he looked worn and like he didn’t want to be there and I really can’t blame him. He got their money and never returned and thank God for that.
And for seven years after this awful show this has been allowed to continue! Have these shows gotten any better since? Of course not! In fact I’d challenge that they’ve become worse. Every year its nothing more than a giant EA/Activision or whatever gaming company that decides to shell out the massive ad dollars circle jerk and wankfest to sell a product to gamers, not to honor gaming oh lord no, but to hard sell a product for the next year. Most of it is crap anyways. Most of it is the same shit you played last year but with another name tacked on the end of it. If Activision isn’t trying to make you buy yet another one of their lame franchise games it’s EA trying to make their own piece of shit carbon copy of a gaming fad that is already growing stale and doesn’t necessarily need yet another title hopping on the bandwagon. (Dante’s Inferno, Medal of Honor) These people come out here and don’t bother offering a fresh product, worthy of unveiling, instead come out here and crow “We’re gonna do it again! Fuck all you people who bought our last game, we’re gonna repackage the same shit and sell it to you again next year!” And people still continue to watch this drivel.
For seven years, Spike TV has used what should be a tribute to gaming as nothing more than a celebrity ass kissing contest, whoring out award presentation spots to only the lowliest of celebrities who are either tethered to appear there contractually (Tony Hawk) or a fucking talent less piece of shit comedian like Jack Black who appears year after year to hard sell whatever crappy movie he’s going to appear in and if he’s not doing that he’s taking a huge crap all over the gaming industry and the hobby of gaming in general with his crackpot skits and crude tasteless jokes. Two years ago the show opened with him rubbing his body on game consoles, molesting them with his naked body before a Wii came in and shot him in the head and you people still return two years after this fucking embarrassment to gaming and watch this crap. Are you insane? Any other celebrity involved with this mess looks like they flat don’t want to be there and who could blame them? Half of them don’t even play videogames, half of them are swimsuit models or hot actresses who are only there for the audience to collectively ogle. They look on as they’re accepted a piece of shit of an award that looks like a 3rd grade art project created by one of the executives son’s in the back hours before the show and are like “My God, what in the fuck am I doing here?”
When Spike is not turning my love of gaming into a venue to shill their shitty television that no one watches by constantly promoting their bad TV shows or carting Dana White out there to sell his UFC which is the only thing that network can put on that anyone gives a damn about, they every once in awhile decide to actually present some awards. The problem is that most of these awards aren’t even presented formally. They simply run down a list of the winners and don’t even bother to have any actual real names in the game industry accept any of these things. Why that would take time away from the pretaped skits and the bad outdated musical acts! Moreover, it’s painfully obvious that these awards are rigged from the start as only the companies that are willing to shell out the mighty dollar ever win anything. Nintendo, realizing that they should stay far away from this farce of an awards ceremony, is constantly snubbed year after year after year because they don’t bother to partake in this industry killing piece of shit. Oh sure Spike says that this stuff is viewers choice, but Spike are the ones who get to pick the nominees, not gamers. Hence the reason Super Mario Galaxy 2 wasn’t even up for NOMINATION to kill off any possibility of Nintendo ever winning anything besides their own “Best Wii Game” category that Spike treats as if it were like winning the Special Olympics. Spike never even bothers to offer any sort of verifiable voting percentages of who won by what margin which makes one question the credibility of the voting to start with. And really even if it was kosher, there are too many stupid fanboys out there who wouldn’t look at the games objectively and simply just vote out of blind Fanboyism anyways. These awards are nothing more than an excuse for some game company who paid Spike good money so they can in turn slap a pretty “Spike VGA Award Winner!” sticker on the same damn game and repackage it as an excuse to keep it at full price months after it’s been released. Hello to a few more months at $59.99 MSRB Red Dead Redemption!
For seven long years this has been allowed to continue and the scariest part is that some gamers accept this as any realistic awards show worthy of discussion or even partake in it. My question to you is why? These people who have proven time and time again that they can’t grab their ass with both hands, present to you not a product worthy of respect or adulation from the gaming industry, not a product that you can be proud to show non gamers exactly what makes gaming such a great art form and medium but instead a bad variety comedy show that literally, and I mean LITERALLY in the case of Jack Black, takes gaming and fondles and rapes it in front of your eyes and you people take it and accept it as some sort of legitimate awards show worthy of your time! It’s not an awards show, it’s a marketing scheme designed to sell you a bunch of shit while these corporate fat cats are laughing themselves silly to the bank as they piss in the viewers collective faces! Fuck Spike and fuck anyone involved in this shit. The only thing that would have made this year’s show any good is if someone took all of the celebrities and people responsible for this crap locked them into a small room and rolled a small hand grenade inside sparing us any future misery! Because they can’t even do what they set out to do properly, market a bunch of shit to 18-35 year old males, which is clearly the target demographic for this show. These group of idiots are completely out of touch with most gamers in this demographic and its proven year after year. When they’re not telling a bunch of stupid toilet jokes that only an 11 year old kid could find somewhat worthy of a chuckle or two, they’re carting out a bunch of 50 year old grey haired musical acts like Motley Crue or Def Leppard to perform for the delight of no one but themselves. Nothing says “Hey, the gaming industry deserves to be respected as a legitimate mainstream product every bit as good as movies or books” like carting out two decade old acts whose last meaningful gig was before the fall of the Berlin Wall. Seriously, fuck you Spike! You’re killing the gaming industry!
My mother years ago witnessed me watching the VGAs and after a few minutes she just shook her head and left the room. Spike, that is what people who are non gamers think of your awards show and that’s what you make them think of gaming in general. It’s seen as a goddamn joke worthy of nothing but scorn and contempt and at best, head shaking sympathy that this is falsely advertised as anything other than a complete and utter mockery of the form of entertainment I have grown up with and cherish. The worst part about is that gamers let them do it! You let them keep putting this crap on by not turning your backs on this garbage. You partake in it, you watch it. You tell them, “Hey, I like what you’re going to the gaming industry. I like the mockery you’re making it out to be.” You let them cart out unfunny celebrities who don’t even want to be there and in the case of Sarah Silverman, take a complete shit on you by continuing to perpetuate the bullshit stereotype that gamers are nothing more than pasty faced geeks who live in their parent’s basement eating pizza and guzzling Mountain Dew. Me personally, I expect more.
So then, to wrap it up, I now issue my challenge to you, the readers of this humble blog of mine. I challenge you to find anything and I mean ANYTHING that you can point to that shows that these awards show are beneficial to the gaming industry in any meaningful way. Point to one thing, just one thing that makes anyone say “Hey, this was beneficial to the gaming industry.” I challenge you. And to people who watch simply for the trailers, you’re a fool. You watch this crap just to see the trailers that 1up has up before the show is even off the air? Why? Who cares if you get to be the “first” to see it! Is it really worth letting Spike know that you’re ok with this industry killing pig shit they force-feed down your throat every year? Is it really worth letting Spike take our industry and flush it down the toilet and continue to let it be seen as the bastard redheaded stepchild but other forms of mainstream media? Is it? Just think about that for a minute or two and you might have your answer. If anyone out there wishes to refute my claims or give me any positive reasons why this crap should continue to air year after year, or be seriously covered or talked about or accepted by anyone in the gaming industry, please offer your comments below and I might even agree with you! But until I’m proven otherwise I demand more from an awards show dedicated to gamers and I refuse to allow a bunch of corporate jackasses to shit on my favorite form of entertainment year after year.
The scariest part about this is the fact that this show has been on going for SEVEN YEARS. Yes, for seven fucking years gamers have continued to watch as this drivel assaults their senses year after year. Honestly after watching the original show, I would never have even dreamed they’d bother with doing another show much less have it carry on for nearly a decade now. Even David Spade, the host of the original show, with his limited knowledge of gaming or the gaming industry, knew barely 30 minutes into the original show’s broadcast that Spike TV and whatever corporate assholes’ dick they sucked to hock their shitty product on their programming were dropping a collective turd in a bowl and serving it to gamers and telling them “Eat hearty!” By the end of the thing he looked worn and like he didn’t want to be there and I really can’t blame him. He got their money and never returned and thank God for that.
And for seven years after this awful show this has been allowed to continue! Have these shows gotten any better since? Of course not! In fact I’d challenge that they’ve become worse. Every year its nothing more than a giant EA/Activision or whatever gaming company that decides to shell out the massive ad dollars circle jerk and wankfest to sell a product to gamers, not to honor gaming oh lord no, but to hard sell a product for the next year. Most of it is crap anyways. Most of it is the same shit you played last year but with another name tacked on the end of it. If Activision isn’t trying to make you buy yet another one of their lame franchise games it’s EA trying to make their own piece of shit carbon copy of a gaming fad that is already growing stale and doesn’t necessarily need yet another title hopping on the bandwagon. (Dante’s Inferno, Medal of Honor) These people come out here and don’t bother offering a fresh product, worthy of unveiling, instead come out here and crow “We’re gonna do it again! Fuck all you people who bought our last game, we’re gonna repackage the same shit and sell it to you again next year!” And people still continue to watch this drivel.
For seven years, Spike TV has used what should be a tribute to gaming as nothing more than a celebrity ass kissing contest, whoring out award presentation spots to only the lowliest of celebrities who are either tethered to appear there contractually (Tony Hawk) or a fucking talent less piece of shit comedian like Jack Black who appears year after year to hard sell whatever crappy movie he’s going to appear in and if he’s not doing that he’s taking a huge crap all over the gaming industry and the hobby of gaming in general with his crackpot skits and crude tasteless jokes. Two years ago the show opened with him rubbing his body on game consoles, molesting them with his naked body before a Wii came in and shot him in the head and you people still return two years after this fucking embarrassment to gaming and watch this crap. Are you insane? Any other celebrity involved with this mess looks like they flat don’t want to be there and who could blame them? Half of them don’t even play videogames, half of them are swimsuit models or hot actresses who are only there for the audience to collectively ogle. They look on as they’re accepted a piece of shit of an award that looks like a 3rd grade art project created by one of the executives son’s in the back hours before the show and are like “My God, what in the fuck am I doing here?”
When Spike is not turning my love of gaming into a venue to shill their shitty television that no one watches by constantly promoting their bad TV shows or carting Dana White out there to sell his UFC which is the only thing that network can put on that anyone gives a damn about, they every once in awhile decide to actually present some awards. The problem is that most of these awards aren’t even presented formally. They simply run down a list of the winners and don’t even bother to have any actual real names in the game industry accept any of these things. Why that would take time away from the pretaped skits and the bad outdated musical acts! Moreover, it’s painfully obvious that these awards are rigged from the start as only the companies that are willing to shell out the mighty dollar ever win anything. Nintendo, realizing that they should stay far away from this farce of an awards ceremony, is constantly snubbed year after year after year because they don’t bother to partake in this industry killing piece of shit. Oh sure Spike says that this stuff is viewers choice, but Spike are the ones who get to pick the nominees, not gamers. Hence the reason Super Mario Galaxy 2 wasn’t even up for NOMINATION to kill off any possibility of Nintendo ever winning anything besides their own “Best Wii Game” category that Spike treats as if it were like winning the Special Olympics. Spike never even bothers to offer any sort of verifiable voting percentages of who won by what margin which makes one question the credibility of the voting to start with. And really even if it was kosher, there are too many stupid fanboys out there who wouldn’t look at the games objectively and simply just vote out of blind Fanboyism anyways. These awards are nothing more than an excuse for some game company who paid Spike good money so they can in turn slap a pretty “Spike VGA Award Winner!” sticker on the same damn game and repackage it as an excuse to keep it at full price months after it’s been released. Hello to a few more months at $59.99 MSRB Red Dead Redemption!
For seven long years this has been allowed to continue and the scariest part is that some gamers accept this as any realistic awards show worthy of discussion or even partake in it. My question to you is why? These people who have proven time and time again that they can’t grab their ass with both hands, present to you not a product worthy of respect or adulation from the gaming industry, not a product that you can be proud to show non gamers exactly what makes gaming such a great art form and medium but instead a bad variety comedy show that literally, and I mean LITERALLY in the case of Jack Black, takes gaming and fondles and rapes it in front of your eyes and you people take it and accept it as some sort of legitimate awards show worthy of your time! It’s not an awards show, it’s a marketing scheme designed to sell you a bunch of shit while these corporate fat cats are laughing themselves silly to the bank as they piss in the viewers collective faces! Fuck Spike and fuck anyone involved in this shit. The only thing that would have made this year’s show any good is if someone took all of the celebrities and people responsible for this crap locked them into a small room and rolled a small hand grenade inside sparing us any future misery! Because they can’t even do what they set out to do properly, market a bunch of shit to 18-35 year old males, which is clearly the target demographic for this show. These group of idiots are completely out of touch with most gamers in this demographic and its proven year after year. When they’re not telling a bunch of stupid toilet jokes that only an 11 year old kid could find somewhat worthy of a chuckle or two, they’re carting out a bunch of 50 year old grey haired musical acts like Motley Crue or Def Leppard to perform for the delight of no one but themselves. Nothing says “Hey, the gaming industry deserves to be respected as a legitimate mainstream product every bit as good as movies or books” like carting out two decade old acts whose last meaningful gig was before the fall of the Berlin Wall. Seriously, fuck you Spike! You’re killing the gaming industry!
My mother years ago witnessed me watching the VGAs and after a few minutes she just shook her head and left the room. Spike, that is what people who are non gamers think of your awards show and that’s what you make them think of gaming in general. It’s seen as a goddamn joke worthy of nothing but scorn and contempt and at best, head shaking sympathy that this is falsely advertised as anything other than a complete and utter mockery of the form of entertainment I have grown up with and cherish. The worst part about is that gamers let them do it! You let them keep putting this crap on by not turning your backs on this garbage. You partake in it, you watch it. You tell them, “Hey, I like what you’re going to the gaming industry. I like the mockery you’re making it out to be.” You let them cart out unfunny celebrities who don’t even want to be there and in the case of Sarah Silverman, take a complete shit on you by continuing to perpetuate the bullshit stereotype that gamers are nothing more than pasty faced geeks who live in their parent’s basement eating pizza and guzzling Mountain Dew. Me personally, I expect more.
So then, to wrap it up, I now issue my challenge to you, the readers of this humble blog of mine. I challenge you to find anything and I mean ANYTHING that you can point to that shows that these awards show are beneficial to the gaming industry in any meaningful way. Point to one thing, just one thing that makes anyone say “Hey, this was beneficial to the gaming industry.” I challenge you. And to people who watch simply for the trailers, you’re a fool. You watch this crap just to see the trailers that 1up has up before the show is even off the air? Why? Who cares if you get to be the “first” to see it! Is it really worth letting Spike know that you’re ok with this industry killing pig shit they force-feed down your throat every year? Is it really worth letting Spike take our industry and flush it down the toilet and continue to let it be seen as the bastard redheaded stepchild but other forms of mainstream media? Is it? Just think about that for a minute or two and you might have your answer. If anyone out there wishes to refute my claims or give me any positive reasons why this crap should continue to air year after year, or be seriously covered or talked about or accepted by anyone in the gaming industry, please offer your comments below and I might even agree with you! But until I’m proven otherwise I demand more from an awards show dedicated to gamers and I refuse to allow a bunch of corporate jackasses to shit on my favorite form of entertainment year after year.
Saturday, November 20
Diary of a Mad (and I do mean mad) Sonic Fanboy: Chapter Five
So I got this in a private message and I was none too happy about it. I mean, would YOU be?
Tsuzura_Saki: Are you gonna play Sonic ‘06?
KenolaBar: Sadly, yes, I have to. God help me. How can you ask such a thing of your best friend?
Yeah Saki, how could you? You're an ass.
Well, here we are. Up to this point this blog series had been titled, “Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy” although I’ve spent nearly four installments praising the franchise for the most part. Well, it is now time for us to come to the “Mad” portion of our journey, as Sonic the Hedgehog would begin his eventual descent into madness for 7 long years with no end in sight. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the downfall of Sonic.
Lets rewind the clock to 2003. Sega Dreamcast had sadly been nothing more than a footnote in gaming history as it lasted barely even a year in the eyes of the gaming industry. While this was a major blow to Sega fans like myself we still held out optimism because now Sega could produce games for any platform they desired. This in theory is a good thing as now they have the freedom to design games for the platform of their choice and more of their games could be enjoyed and appreciated by a broader audience. In all honesty this should have propelled Sonic to new heights but history has shown that not to be the case. Still, in 2003 we got….
Even though we had gotten ports of Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 for the Gamecube and Sonic Advance on GBA before this, me going to my local store to preorder the game on a Nintendo console just blew my mind. I never ever thought I’d see the day a major Sonic game would ever be released for a Nintendo console. I guess a comparison for today’s standards would be like seeing a new Halo announced for PS3. It was just one of those surreal “it will never happen what if” sort of things. I had no doubt in my mind that Heroes would continue the success of Sonic. Well, I was wrong. Not to say that Heroes is a bad game really. I mean, their intentions were there. Unfortunately this idea of Tag Team Sonic just didn’t work well within the context of traditional platform design that the series was accustomed to. Perhaps a slower paced RPG style of game would have benefited better. Often times this constant need to switch characters mid level slowed the pace of the stages leading to a sort of unevenness. You go from zipping at super speeds to sudden stops to where the game almost slows to a crawl. Couple this with some horrendously bad camera angles and you have a recipe for frustration. This game also marks the point where too many characters were added unnecessarily to the game’s plot. While the plot itself isn’t particularly bad, (It’s a simple story about how Dr. Robotnik is up to his old tricks while Sonic and pals rush off to save the day) but many of the characters were thrown in for the sake of adding characters and didn’t necessarily need to be involved. The game was too bloated for it’s own good and while it was never horrible really, none of the game seemed very polished and everything just had sort of a thrown together “meh” feeling as a result. Sonic felt like an old relic of the 90s who just couldn’t get with the times and be as fun and inventive as Mario. Sonic Heroes was a disappointment and the first real major Sonic game to be negatively received by most in the gaming community. Oh and it also happened to have the worst theme song ever. Thanks, dicks.
Well, Sega took these criticisms to heart and fixed that for their next installment right? With Sonic being in clear need of some fresh ideas he was shelved for awhile to make room for Shadow the Hedgehog who had become a very popular character in his own right since his SA2 debut. It was high time he had his own game and part of me was excited that Sega would give Sonic a rest for awhile until they could create some fresh ideas that didn’t feel rehashed or stupid. And Sega did create fresh new ideas. The problem is, they threw everything great about the franchise away and replaced it with crap! Seriously, a lot of people point to the game that came after this as everything wrong with Sonic in this time period and while they do have a point as that game was pretty lousy to put it nicely, I point to this game as being the first game to show signs that Sonic as a franchise was in some serious danger. This is the first major Sonic game I never bothered to own. My faith in Sonic Team was shaken after Heroes and I approached this one with trepidation simply only opting to rent it and test the waters before dropping my $50 on it. And lord have mercy were my fears justified. I mean just look at the cover. Putting a fucking gun in the hand of Shadow pretty much sealed this games fate before I even put the disc in.
Yeah at first it looks like the usual Sonic fare and a return to series roots with a fresh Shadow coat of paint. And sure while it didn’t reinvent the franchise in the ways it should have I could honestly have lived with that if that was all it was. But oh no. Sega decided the Sonic series needed some reinvigorating the only problem is that they had absolutely zero clue as to where that innovation should begin. Sonic the Hedgehog was all about fun and vibrant colors and displaying a general uplifting positive sense of feeling right? This one….not so much. Areas were dull and uninspired. Everything was dull and gray and unappealing to the eyes. There was entirely too much darkness. The musical style was atrocious. Jun Senoue should be embarrassed he had a hand in composing this musical ensemble of techno vomit. Seriously, one thing that you could always say about Sonic was that it had good music at least. Shadow the Hedgehog ended that tradition with a resounding thud.
Ok so the presentation sucks, how about the story? God, I dare say the plot to this game is worse. Look Sega, no one plays Sonic for plot. I think Adventure 2 kind of got too plot heavy for my own tastes but it was still within the realm of simplicity for the most part. Shadow takes it to a ludicrous level of overdramatic. I’ll attempt to keep this as concise as humanly possible…
Basically…oh fuck it this is what Wikipedia said, let them explain this horseshit.
The G.U.N. (Guardian Units of Nations) is an unnamed country's military federation that is run by the G.U.N. commander. When completing "Hero" missions, Shadow helps them,[10] as well as other characters from the series such as Sonic the Hedgehog, Miles "Tails" Prower, Knuckles the Echidna, Amy Rose, Rouge the Bat, Charmy Bee, Vector the Crocodile,[5] and Espio the Chameleon.[12] Their aim is to protect Earth from Doctor Eggman and the Black Arms. The Black Arms is an alien race headed by Black Doom. Black Doom sends an extension of himself, called Doom's Eye, to spy on Shadow and assist him in his missions. When completing "Dark" missions, Shadow helps them, as well as Doctor Eggman. Their aim is to obtain the Chaos Emeralds for themselves
….God enough. Do I really need to continue? This game drove the franchise so far off the rails it isn’t even funny. The gameplay actually managed to be worse than Heroes with a lousier camera angle and Shadow controlled like a drunk ice skater. They tried to add branching plot paths by making you either good or evil depending on your actions in the stages but most of us didn’t care. The play control was so fucking awful we were just happy to beat the damn things with our asses intact much less how we approached the stage. Shame on you Sega for taking everything about Sonic and pissing on it. No Sonic character should EVER use guns. No Sonic character should EVER drive vehicles. (Yes, despite being able to travel at the speed of light Shadow resorts to driving tanks and stuff) No Sonic game should ever be “dark” or “gritty”......what the fuck is wrong with you people?
I mean, Jesus H. Christ can it possibly get any worse?
OF COURSE
But as time continued and a rushed released date was announced by having the thing release before Christmas of that same year, it became more evident to me that this game was going to be a fucking train wreck in the making. In fact, not only did I ignore this horrible game upon release, I completely ignored it for several years as I hadn’t even played it up until this point. But for the sake of this blog series I ran out and got a copy of the game despite all of the horror stories and tried it.
Oh. My. God.
Honestly I don’t even know where to begin. The problem when discussing Sonic the Failhog ( I refuse to dignify it with that other name) is that there is SO much bad about this game that it’s hard to even know where to begin. Well, providing us with the absolute STUPIDEST moment in Sonic history ever is a great place to start....
I hope someone was fired over that. How can this have gone through so may channels for so many people to say “Wow this was a good idea lets use it!” Does the plot make much more sense outside of that? Let us turn to our friend Wikipedia, who actually cares enough to try and make sense of it…
Princess Elise is the beloved ruler of the peaceful city of Soleanna. During the Festival of the Sun, the city is attacked by Doctor Eggman who is seeking the secret to a powerful weapon, the "Flames of Disaster," that will help him take over the world, which Elise possesses. However, Sonic arrives and helps Elise escape, though Eggman quickly tracks him down, sends more robots to attack them, and successfully captures Elise while Sonic is preoccupied. Before being taken away, Elise gives Sonic her Chaos Emerald. The next morning, Sonic meets up with Tails and sets out to find Elise. Before long, Sonic manages to rescue her, and Tails splits up with Sonic to divert the attention of Eggman's robots. Noticing Sonic got hurt, she blames herself for it. Sonic tells her to smile and that her smile is all he needs. Elise then explains to Sonic that the Flames of Disaster Eggman hopes to unleash is the fury of Solaris, a sun god her people worship, and that she holds the secret to this power. Upon returning to Soleanna, Sonic is attacked by a telekinetic hedgehog named Silver, who calls him the "Iblis Trigger" and tries to kill him, saying that it will protect the future. While Sonic and Silver fight, Elise is once again kidnapped by Eggman. Amy arrives out of nowhere and prevents Silver from finishing off Sonic, allowing Sonic to chase after Elise, thanking her briefly. Sonic reunites with Tails and finds Knuckles at the Warehouse of New City with a message from Eggman, and the three head over to Eggman's base in White Acropolis, where Elise is being held. There Sonic agrees to give him his Chaos Emerald in exchange for Elise but, unsurprisingly, Eggman goes back on his promise and traps the trio in a time machine, which thrusts them into a distant, post-apocalyptic future. Sonic, Tails and Knuckles encounter Shadow and Rouge, who are also trapped in this future. In order to return to the present
Ok I've had enough. You get the idea. It’s absolute HORSESHIT. The amazing part is that this only scratches the surface of this inane plot. I'm serious. This is by far easily the absolutely most atrocious, nonsensical, overdramatic, silly, out of place plot for a Sonic game ever made. The amazing part is that people actually seriously try to defend this crap. What is wrong with you people? I’ve read better Sonic plots from 14 year old fan girls on Fanfiction.net. Someone seriously got paid to write this crap. If you want proof that this is truly a shitty world, there you go. This game encapsulates in every aspect everything absolutely wrong with Sonic the Hedgehog. This was not a reboot or a return to roots. This only added even more useless characters, game design and camera work was even more horrible than before thanks to a rushed release date and if I ever hear the words “Princess Elise” or “Silver” ever again I will fly to Japan and kick some Sega employee in the nuts.
I don’t really even need to get into game design problems but I will attempt to anyway. For starters, again entirely too many characters break up the action. Your guys can’t even do the Sonic stages right, lets focus on that before we even try adding other characters. The stupid city hub between stages is pointless and stupid and there’s a reason they ditched it in Adventure 1. This game is even sillier making the character models look more realistic rather than cartoonish and clash horribly with the cartoony look of Sonic and his pals. The music is dull and bland and totally doesn’t have that high energy uplifting feel that Sonic games are supposed to have and most of it sounds like crap that belongs in an elevator. The voice overs are atrocious as every single voice actor except for maybe Eggman completely phones in their performances here. But given the crap they have to work with I can’t say I particularly blame them. Sonic the Failhog is regarded as the worst Sonic game of all time and I’d be hard pressed to disagree. Nearly every single gaming publication declared it completely awful and an embarrassing insult to Sonic and it’s fans. (Except Dave Halverson, but everyone knows he’s nuts anyway) It’s amazing the franchise survived after this one to make…
Well, our Sonic crap tour finally comes to a close with Sonic Unleashed, which in all actually wasn’t all that bad honestly. The story wasn’t TOO overdone, Sonic gets accidentally zapped with a beam by Eggman that transforms him into a beastly “Werehog” form whenever the moon is full. What follows is a journey for Sonic to try and discover a cure for his affliction and to stop Eggman once more from his mad scheme. Mercifully many of the stupid characters added to Sonic 06 were excised as they had no reason to be there and most stages were centered around Sonic which for the first time were actually decent. The camera was improved drastically and best of all Shun Nakamura, the man responsible for the 06 disaster stayed far the fuck away from it only working on the level design as someone at Sega mercifully booted his ass out of the producer’s seat. Unleashed showed signs that maybe Sega was starting to get it and indeed in some areas Unleashed was a breath of fresh air. However Sega still didn’t truly get what we Sonic fans had been craving all along and felt the need to tack on some silly Werehog gimmick to sell copies. The Werehog stages were boring and dull and felt like a poor man’s God of War. It was again an unnecessary, totally out of place addition to a franchise that didn’t need it. This sort of stuff isn’t why we play Sonic the Hedgehog. Ultimately this game was very much like Sonic Heroes in that while it had good intentions its clear that this isn’t the Sonic game to return the series to former glory and overall not a big enough step in the right direction. Still, at least it stopped the hemorrhaging of the franchise as just when it seemed Sonic couldn’t possibly get any worse this title helps it rise from the depths of hell somewhat.
Next Time: Well, we finally put a merciful close to the first few years of “consoleless” Sonic as Sega FINALLY puts a stop to the bleeding and gets a hint as to where the Sonic franchise should head. Some major and I mean MAJOR reconstruction is going to have to be done over the next few years and in 2010 Sega would be ready to try to reclaim the empire Sonic once had after nearly a decade of misteps. The only question left, can they do it? Find out in the final chapter of Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy.
Tsuzura_Saki: Are you gonna play Sonic ‘06?
KenolaBar: Sadly, yes, I have to. God help me. How can you ask such a thing of your best friend?
Yeah Saki, how could you? You're an ass.
Well, here we are. Up to this point this blog series had been titled, “Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy” although I’ve spent nearly four installments praising the franchise for the most part. Well, it is now time for us to come to the “Mad” portion of our journey, as Sonic the Hedgehog would begin his eventual descent into madness for 7 long years with no end in sight. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the downfall of Sonic.
Lets rewind the clock to 2003. Sega Dreamcast had sadly been nothing more than a footnote in gaming history as it lasted barely even a year in the eyes of the gaming industry. While this was a major blow to Sega fans like myself we still held out optimism because now Sega could produce games for any platform they desired. This in theory is a good thing as now they have the freedom to design games for the platform of their choice and more of their games could be enjoyed and appreciated by a broader audience. In all honesty this should have propelled Sonic to new heights but history has shown that not to be the case. Still, in 2003 we got….
Sonic Heroes
Even though we had gotten ports of Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 for the Gamecube and Sonic Advance on GBA before this, me going to my local store to preorder the game on a Nintendo console just blew my mind. I never ever thought I’d see the day a major Sonic game would ever be released for a Nintendo console. I guess a comparison for today’s standards would be like seeing a new Halo announced for PS3. It was just one of those surreal “it will never happen what if” sort of things. I had no doubt in my mind that Heroes would continue the success of Sonic. Well, I was wrong. Not to say that Heroes is a bad game really. I mean, their intentions were there. Unfortunately this idea of Tag Team Sonic just didn’t work well within the context of traditional platform design that the series was accustomed to. Perhaps a slower paced RPG style of game would have benefited better. Often times this constant need to switch characters mid level slowed the pace of the stages leading to a sort of unevenness. You go from zipping at super speeds to sudden stops to where the game almost slows to a crawl. Couple this with some horrendously bad camera angles and you have a recipe for frustration. This game also marks the point where too many characters were added unnecessarily to the game’s plot. While the plot itself isn’t particularly bad, (It’s a simple story about how Dr. Robotnik is up to his old tricks while Sonic and pals rush off to save the day) but many of the characters were thrown in for the sake of adding characters and didn’t necessarily need to be involved. The game was too bloated for it’s own good and while it was never horrible really, none of the game seemed very polished and everything just had sort of a thrown together “meh” feeling as a result. Sonic felt like an old relic of the 90s who just couldn’t get with the times and be as fun and inventive as Mario. Sonic Heroes was a disappointment and the first real major Sonic game to be negatively received by most in the gaming community. Oh and it also happened to have the worst theme song ever. Thanks, dicks.
Shadow the Hedgehog
Well, Sega took these criticisms to heart and fixed that for their next installment right? With Sonic being in clear need of some fresh ideas he was shelved for awhile to make room for Shadow the Hedgehog who had become a very popular character in his own right since his SA2 debut. It was high time he had his own game and part of me was excited that Sega would give Sonic a rest for awhile until they could create some fresh ideas that didn’t feel rehashed or stupid. And Sega did create fresh new ideas. The problem is, they threw everything great about the franchise away and replaced it with crap! Seriously, a lot of people point to the game that came after this as everything wrong with Sonic in this time period and while they do have a point as that game was pretty lousy to put it nicely, I point to this game as being the first game to show signs that Sonic as a franchise was in some serious danger. This is the first major Sonic game I never bothered to own. My faith in Sonic Team was shaken after Heroes and I approached this one with trepidation simply only opting to rent it and test the waters before dropping my $50 on it. And lord have mercy were my fears justified. I mean just look at the cover. Putting a fucking gun in the hand of Shadow pretty much sealed this games fate before I even put the disc in.
Yeah at first it looks like the usual Sonic fare and a return to series roots with a fresh Shadow coat of paint. And sure while it didn’t reinvent the franchise in the ways it should have I could honestly have lived with that if that was all it was. But oh no. Sega decided the Sonic series needed some reinvigorating the only problem is that they had absolutely zero clue as to where that innovation should begin. Sonic the Hedgehog was all about fun and vibrant colors and displaying a general uplifting positive sense of feeling right? This one….not so much. Areas were dull and uninspired. Everything was dull and gray and unappealing to the eyes. There was entirely too much darkness. The musical style was atrocious. Jun Senoue should be embarrassed he had a hand in composing this musical ensemble of techno vomit. Seriously, one thing that you could always say about Sonic was that it had good music at least. Shadow the Hedgehog ended that tradition with a resounding thud.
Ok so the presentation sucks, how about the story? God, I dare say the plot to this game is worse. Look Sega, no one plays Sonic for plot. I think Adventure 2 kind of got too plot heavy for my own tastes but it was still within the realm of simplicity for the most part. Shadow takes it to a ludicrous level of overdramatic. I’ll attempt to keep this as concise as humanly possible…
Basically…oh fuck it this is what Wikipedia said, let them explain this horseshit.
The G.U.N. (Guardian Units of Nations) is an unnamed country's military federation that is run by the G.U.N. commander. When completing "Hero" missions, Shadow helps them,[10] as well as other characters from the series such as Sonic the Hedgehog, Miles "Tails" Prower, Knuckles the Echidna, Amy Rose, Rouge the Bat, Charmy Bee, Vector the Crocodile,[5] and Espio the Chameleon.[12] Their aim is to protect Earth from Doctor Eggman and the Black Arms. The Black Arms is an alien race headed by Black Doom. Black Doom sends an extension of himself, called Doom's Eye, to spy on Shadow and assist him in his missions. When completing "Dark" missions, Shadow helps them, as well as Doctor Eggman. Their aim is to obtain the Chaos Emeralds for themselves
….God enough. Do I really need to continue? This game drove the franchise so far off the rails it isn’t even funny. The gameplay actually managed to be worse than Heroes with a lousier camera angle and Shadow controlled like a drunk ice skater. They tried to add branching plot paths by making you either good or evil depending on your actions in the stages but most of us didn’t care. The play control was so fucking awful we were just happy to beat the damn things with our asses intact much less how we approached the stage. Shame on you Sega for taking everything about Sonic and pissing on it. No Sonic character should EVER use guns. No Sonic character should EVER drive vehicles. (Yes, despite being able to travel at the speed of light Shadow resorts to driving tanks and stuff) No Sonic game should ever be “dark” or “gritty”......what the fuck is wrong with you people?
I mean, Jesus H. Christ can it possibly get any worse?
OF COURSE
You know, I wont lie. When I first saw E3 2006 and a preview of this new Sonic game titled simply “Sonic the Hedgehog” I was like “Oh, thank you Lord! Sonic the way it should be.” I had figured after the disaster known as Shadow the Hedgehog and to a lesser extent Heroes that maybe Sega would have learned their lesson and finally delivered us a true 3D Sonic game worthy of the franchise’s storied history. And for awhile it did seem that way.
But as time continued and a rushed released date was announced by having the thing release before Christmas of that same year, it became more evident to me that this game was going to be a fucking train wreck in the making. In fact, not only did I ignore this horrible game upon release, I completely ignored it for several years as I hadn’t even played it up until this point. But for the sake of this blog series I ran out and got a copy of the game despite all of the horror stories and tried it.
Oh. My. God.
Honestly I don’t even know where to begin. The problem when discussing Sonic the Failhog ( I refuse to dignify it with that other name) is that there is SO much bad about this game that it’s hard to even know where to begin. Well, providing us with the absolute STUPIDEST moment in Sonic history ever is a great place to start....
I hope someone was fired over that. How can this have gone through so may channels for so many people to say “Wow this was a good idea lets use it!” Does the plot make much more sense outside of that? Let us turn to our friend Wikipedia, who actually cares enough to try and make sense of it…
Princess Elise is the beloved ruler of the peaceful city of Soleanna. During the Festival of the Sun, the city is attacked by Doctor Eggman who is seeking the secret to a powerful weapon, the "Flames of Disaster," that will help him take over the world, which Elise possesses. However, Sonic arrives and helps Elise escape, though Eggman quickly tracks him down, sends more robots to attack them, and successfully captures Elise while Sonic is preoccupied. Before being taken away, Elise gives Sonic her Chaos Emerald. The next morning, Sonic meets up with Tails and sets out to find Elise. Before long, Sonic manages to rescue her, and Tails splits up with Sonic to divert the attention of Eggman's robots. Noticing Sonic got hurt, she blames herself for it. Sonic tells her to smile and that her smile is all he needs. Elise then explains to Sonic that the Flames of Disaster Eggman hopes to unleash is the fury of Solaris, a sun god her people worship, and that she holds the secret to this power. Upon returning to Soleanna, Sonic is attacked by a telekinetic hedgehog named Silver, who calls him the "Iblis Trigger" and tries to kill him, saying that it will protect the future. While Sonic and Silver fight, Elise is once again kidnapped by Eggman. Amy arrives out of nowhere and prevents Silver from finishing off Sonic, allowing Sonic to chase after Elise, thanking her briefly. Sonic reunites with Tails and finds Knuckles at the Warehouse of New City with a message from Eggman, and the three head over to Eggman's base in White Acropolis, where Elise is being held. There Sonic agrees to give him his Chaos Emerald in exchange for Elise but, unsurprisingly, Eggman goes back on his promise and traps the trio in a time machine, which thrusts them into a distant, post-apocalyptic future. Sonic, Tails and Knuckles encounter Shadow and Rouge, who are also trapped in this future. In order to return to the present
Ok I've had enough. You get the idea. It’s absolute HORSESHIT. The amazing part is that this only scratches the surface of this inane plot. I'm serious. This is by far easily the absolutely most atrocious, nonsensical, overdramatic, silly, out of place plot for a Sonic game ever made. The amazing part is that people actually seriously try to defend this crap. What is wrong with you people? I’ve read better Sonic plots from 14 year old fan girls on Fanfiction.net. Someone seriously got paid to write this crap. If you want proof that this is truly a shitty world, there you go. This game encapsulates in every aspect everything absolutely wrong with Sonic the Hedgehog. This was not a reboot or a return to roots. This only added even more useless characters, game design and camera work was even more horrible than before thanks to a rushed release date and if I ever hear the words “Princess Elise” or “Silver” ever again I will fly to Japan and kick some Sega employee in the nuts.
I don’t really even need to get into game design problems but I will attempt to anyway. For starters, again entirely too many characters break up the action. Your guys can’t even do the Sonic stages right, lets focus on that before we even try adding other characters. The stupid city hub between stages is pointless and stupid and there’s a reason they ditched it in Adventure 1. This game is even sillier making the character models look more realistic rather than cartoonish and clash horribly with the cartoony look of Sonic and his pals. The music is dull and bland and totally doesn’t have that high energy uplifting feel that Sonic games are supposed to have and most of it sounds like crap that belongs in an elevator. The voice overs are atrocious as every single voice actor except for maybe Eggman completely phones in their performances here. But given the crap they have to work with I can’t say I particularly blame them. Sonic the Failhog is regarded as the worst Sonic game of all time and I’d be hard pressed to disagree. Nearly every single gaming publication declared it completely awful and an embarrassing insult to Sonic and it’s fans. (Except Dave Halverson, but everyone knows he’s nuts anyway) It’s amazing the franchise survived after this one to make…
Sonic Unleashed
Well, our Sonic crap tour finally comes to a close with Sonic Unleashed, which in all actually wasn’t all that bad honestly. The story wasn’t TOO overdone, Sonic gets accidentally zapped with a beam by Eggman that transforms him into a beastly “Werehog” form whenever the moon is full. What follows is a journey for Sonic to try and discover a cure for his affliction and to stop Eggman once more from his mad scheme. Mercifully many of the stupid characters added to Sonic 06 were excised as they had no reason to be there and most stages were centered around Sonic which for the first time were actually decent. The camera was improved drastically and best of all Shun Nakamura, the man responsible for the 06 disaster stayed far the fuck away from it only working on the level design as someone at Sega mercifully booted his ass out of the producer’s seat. Unleashed showed signs that maybe Sega was starting to get it and indeed in some areas Unleashed was a breath of fresh air. However Sega still didn’t truly get what we Sonic fans had been craving all along and felt the need to tack on some silly Werehog gimmick to sell copies. The Werehog stages were boring and dull and felt like a poor man’s God of War. It was again an unnecessary, totally out of place addition to a franchise that didn’t need it. This sort of stuff isn’t why we play Sonic the Hedgehog. Ultimately this game was very much like Sonic Heroes in that while it had good intentions its clear that this isn’t the Sonic game to return the series to former glory and overall not a big enough step in the right direction. Still, at least it stopped the hemorrhaging of the franchise as just when it seemed Sonic couldn’t possibly get any worse this title helps it rise from the depths of hell somewhat.
Next Time: Well, we finally put a merciful close to the first few years of “consoleless” Sonic as Sega FINALLY puts a stop to the bleeding and gets a hint as to where the Sonic franchise should head. Some major and I mean MAJOR reconstruction is going to have to be done over the next few years and in 2010 Sega would be ready to try to reclaim the empire Sonic once had after nearly a decade of misteps. The only question left, can they do it? Find out in the final chapter of Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy.
Sonic, why did they put us in such a shitty game?
There there, Tails. It's ok that mean ol' Shun Nakamura can't do this to us anymore.
There there, Tails. It's ok that mean ol' Shun Nakamura can't do this to us anymore.
Friday, November 12
Star Wars: Bad Covers Unleashed
It's bad enough this game got lousy reviews. Does it have to have a shitty cover as well? Darth Vader looks utterly embarrassed to even be a part of this debacle behind that helmet of his. It's honestly an insult to take on that dork as an apprentice for the dark side to begin with. The only question that remains is this; was he just kicked in the nuts or is his underwear on too tight? Perhaps he has a nasty crotch rash he desperately needs to itch. Or perhaps he has backed up matter in his stool. Is Exlax available in a galaxy far, far away?
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