National Kenographic: Issue #2: Bobby Kotick Renews Deal With Satan; God Announces HD Remakes

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TOP STORY: ACTIVISION/SATAN REACH AGREEMENT



Earlier this week it was announced that Activision CEO and dickhead entrepreneur, Bobby Kotick and Satan had come to terms on a contract. Both sides had been in long negotiation for quite sometime and were finally able to reach agreement on the length of term for a new demonic pact set to last until the year 2025. Or at least until Bobby runs out of developers to chase off and/or people get sick of Call of Duty and find something actually fun to play. Whichever comes first. This is no doubt good news for Activision as Satan has launched the careers of many talentless hacks completely undeserving of their fame and fortune for many years.




BREAKING NEWS: GOD ANNOUNCES HD COLLECTIONS



In related news, God has announced the Holy Trinity will be upon us. God gave us little detail as to what the specifics of what this will portend, but we at National Kenographic await with baited breath to hear the good tidings.



IN OTHER NEWS: PSN BACK UP, TRUMP OUT OF RACE






Kaz Hirai has finally restored the Playstation Network to full capacity and not a moment too soon as many rioters were still in massive protest.

No word on the care packages promised as of late, but for now, many gamers finally have the sustenance that they so desperately needed.




Donald Trump has announced his exit from the Sony Presidential race citing "I have many engagements at the moment. I still have to renew my contract with The Apprentice at NBC and I'm not sure how things are gonna go. However, I'm glad that Hirai has finally decided to renew the Playstation Store for everyone worldwide. Now he just has to show us the hacker records and we can put this whole mess behind us." National Kenographic asked Trump to release his financial records. We got no comment.

That concludes this week's National Kenographic. Your source for relevant up to date news topics. Often imitated but never duplicated, National Kenographic the leading news source.