The Kenola Bar

The Stagnation of the Videogame Industry

2011-06-16T11:42:00.006-05:00

Is the videogame industry becoming too stagnant and complacent? It’s a question that I often times spin through my mind. Most recently it came up with the whole Duke Nukem Forever debate, as I find that game to be a prime example of the sort of thing I fear is plaguing the game industry at the moment. The game industry currently is experiencing the largest growth since it’s inception in the 1970s, but is this a good thing for the long term health of the industry as a whole? The game industry is facing one major problem it’s never really faced until this past decade; stagnation.

Many people tend to compare gaming ideologies by categorizing them into “East” and “West”. Often times I find one side blaming the industry’s apparent problems upon the other. The simple fact is that both sides of the pond are experiencing similar problems, albeit in different ways. In Japan, much of the same lack of creativity in stagnation is taking place just as it is in the West, it’s just not made as apparent. Over there, JRPGs are stuck in quite a rut creatively, which I already covered in detail sometime ago last year. Here, a similar problem exists primarily with the loveable shooter genre and this was made even more clear recently. While I won’t limit this argument to just Duke Nukem Forever, it is a great current example of a point I’ve been trying to make about the industry for quite some time now. That game in particular represents an extreme case of raising the bar in all of the wrong areas. There are many games that face this problem, this one is just a prime example of it. Sure, it did it’s job…it provided much shock and awe and got people talking. Some people complained about how the game industry has gone too far…others have offered a counterpoint stating that it’s all in good humor, worse things have been done in movies, etc. But the fundamental point is missed here. As the years have gone by since it’s introduction to the world 3 decades ago, videogames have slowly but surely begun to raise the bar with it’s subject material, yet it continues to never address such material with anything other than childish humor.

In the past decade, the videogame industry has torn down many barriers in terms of what's acceptable and what isn't to put into a game. Games definitely aren't just for kids any longer as they've become more risque and more controversial. However, at some point, you'll run out of controversial material with which to shock and awe and at some point, in order to advance, a more mature approach to these themes must be taken. The industry has now stagnated as a result of this new challenge. Sure, the subject material has become more risqué, once taboo subjects are slowly eroding away, but the fact remains that the game industry, particularly in the West, is afraid to grow up. Increasing the level of shock value and debauchery does not equal maturity. When it comes right down to it, when the game industry tackles controversial subjects such as in the case of DNF, rape, it chooses not to address these issues in a serious, open manner, but rather hide behind a shroud of toilet humor. Duke Nukem Forever took a controversial subject and made a crass joke out of it. Instead of Gearbox taking a mature approach in addressing these issues, they instead played it safe and attempted to use" wink, wink, nudge, nudge" jokes instead of simply stating it outright because the industry itself hasn’t matured to a level where it can handle such material because it’s too childish to advance to that stage just yet. As a result the evolution of the industry has grown stagnant and it's coming to a head more and more as the years go by. The industry is like the college fratboy who never grew up. Your schtick was funny and clever maybe ten years ago, but at some point it's time to get serious, graduate and get a damn job. The game industry needs to get serious and begin innovating in the right areas again.

The first thing that needs to be done is increase the variety of appeal. Part of the negative aspects of the current success that the industry is enjoying is an overall fear to cater to only one type of demographic. It's clearly aimed at 18-35 year old males (while ironically possessing a maturity level of a male under 18 most times) , but is afraid to step out of a particular bubble to cater to any other type of interests that demographic may have. No, it's guns, burly dudes and more guns. That's what sells right? Of course it is when that is all that they are given. This narrow minded approach will sell a few copies today, but it can't help but have a negative effect on the long term for the industry as a whole. The game industry needs more variety as this stagnation has spread to not only maturity, but to approach to design as well.

The best eras in videogames have all been when there were games everyone could play. When a variety was available for people of all ages. The best eras in gaming to me were from 1985-1990 and roughly 1994-2001. The reason for this is because that's when the most variety of games were being offered for people of all ages. Don't get me wrong, there's still plenty to love about the industry today, it's just that given the technological advances and capabilities that the current gen has made, it's a shame the mentality and maturity level of the games themselves haven't advanced along with it. You could make a much larger variety of games that cater to different demographics, yet the industry is focused on one particular demographic even worse than in the old NES days when technology was limited and less design approaches were possible. Games made outside of that demographic are made for the girlfriends and children of 18-35 year old males. They too have suffered as the industry often assumes children could only possibly be interested in nursery games or that girl gamers just want to play dance games along with the assumption that 18-35 males only ever want to play games in which you hold a gun or kick a football.

It's a shame really. This industry could innovate and grow in so many ways, yet chooses not to. It's far more interested in making a quick buck rather than thinking of the long term growth of it. When games you can download off of your console are far more intriguing than most of the disc based retail games, there's a problem. Sure, a lot of games this generation have innovated; but for every Heavy Rain, Bioshock and as much as I rag on it, L.A. Noire offer in the way of the right ways in which the industry should innovate, it will never get the respect it deserves so long as 6 other games choose to be "shocking and controversial" while lacking the stones to address anything shocking or controversial in any other manner besides that of a childish, bathroom wall cuss word writing college dropout.

Roger Ebert will never recognize gaming as art at this rate.

Wii U Move that damn Kinect!

2011-06-09T20:07:00.002-05:00

It was around this time a year ago when after watching the three main press conferences that a systematic change had begun with my outlook on the gaming industry. I felt that the future of it looked somewhat bleak and unfulfilling as no company really cared to truly innovate or inspire as they had done in years past. Those feelings were all washed away after I had witnessed Nintendo’s conference and I began to realize that there was at least one company that was starting to get it. I felt as though both Sony and Microsoft had bleak futures ahead in the long term and were simply milking the successes of Nintendo with gimmickry instead of solid games. For the most part, events over the past year have left me feeling vindicated in my remarks and this year’s E3 left me with no surprises.

Often times people cite that I’m a hater of Microsoft or that I bash them unfairly. While I plead guilty to the first charge, I respectfully disagree with the latter citing this years press conference as conclusive proof that Microsoft is indeed, full of complete fail. Now before you begin typing up your frantic rebuttal in nerd rage anger, bear in mind that I don’t think that Microsoft lacks potential or that they can’t be the best game company out there; they most definitely have the tools, but rather that potential is often unrealized or squandered due to a fundamental lack of focus on what makes them different from anyone else as a gaming company. This year’s E3 show at most times felt like I was watching a press conference for a Satellite TV company, not a supposed product that plays videogames. A quarter of the presentation was spent telling me not about their fantastic gaming lineup, but rather about all the wonderful ways I can tell my console how to navigate the various extraneous menus by pure speech alone. It smacked of the same idiotic mentality Sony had last year with its “You can do this and this and this with the console, I mean we have a few games I guess but check out what this does!” Who cares if the Xbox 360 can play games when you can order UFC fights with it and bet with your friends! It really makes me wonder sometimes if they know what kind of people actually watch these E3 shows. Speaking of games, it truly is sad once again Microsoft when the highlight of your presentation focuses on a multiplatform game in Tomb Raider at the start of the show. How dare you tease us into thinking you’re a gaming company before launching into your Direct TV infomercials and subsequent Kinectfest featuring games that typically center around one idea; bounce around like a complete idiot. Speaking of Kinect, I truly hope you can ride this wave for as long as you can Microsoft, given how you’ve poured all of your eggs into this one basket in the hopes of continuing sales. However, I can’t see alienating your core audience by shifting primary focus of your console over to your add-on peripheral by also featuring games designed for not just children, little children. What you have now are your core audience, who purchased a 360 and looking forward to games like Gears of War 3 (for reasons I cannot fathom), while at the same time spending over half of your time devoted to showing off playground Kinect games that the core audience wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. Oh sure you throw a bone in there for the core audience to make them feel as though their $150 wasn’t totally wasted on a Kinect purchase, but for every voice command recognition Mass Effect 3 offers, there were about ten other examples of things like waving your arms around like a Taebo exercise to an ugly, unpolished version of Red Steel with a Star Wars coat of paint. Welcome to your future Xbox gamers, pointing your finger like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino and pretending to shoot. Only, you don’t look nearly as cool doing it. Microsoft is attempting to reach out to the casual fan at the expense of the core audience that brought them to the dance and this year’s abysmal show really makes me wonder what future they have when people realize Kinect was a $150 con job. Oh, but fret not core 360 fan. Microsoft has given you Halo 4. Hear that? It’s the sound of nobody caring.

Sony! Usually my venomous rage is saved for you but this time however, you managed to not completely screw it up and actually left me more optimistic than you did before your E3 show. The Move as expected was a complete and utter joke and even Sony realizes where they’ve been going wrong and this year finally started to focus more on games and less on fluff. Rather than promote all of the amazing things the PS3 can do besides you know, play games, they instead just got down to business and presented a lineup of games that people will want to play. Marcus was mercifully phased out to instead dedicate more time to showing off the NGP, now named PS Vita. (Sounds like a fancy new menu item at Taco Bell. Yes, I’d like the Vita combo with a Grilled Stuft Burrito please, mild sauce.) If anything was shocking about Sony’s conference it’s that they seem to really be promoting the Vita way more than initially expected. This is a good thing. After all, when the Gamecube was finished with its fairly disappointing run, Nintendo focused on handheld gaming with the DS for a little while before returning strong with the Wii. Sony is in a similar rebuilding stage and if they want to climb back to that number 1 spot, conquering the handheld market is a fantastic start. Because well, let’s face it guys, PS3 is pretty much a bust at this point. PS Plus is a joke, the Move is a failure and well, let’s just sweep that nasty elephant in the room, the Playstation Network under the rug as Jack Tretton wisely just addressed it quickly and moved on. I’m not saying that there can’t be any decent titles for the PS3, but Sony can’t place all of their hopes in it becoming the best selling console on the market because it just won’t happen at this point.

Once again Nintendo gives me more hope than the other two. However, I won’t shower you with glowing praise either. Simply being the lesser of three evils doesn’t really equate to good, there is still much work to be done. The Wii U didn’t have the same “oomph” that the 3DS promised last year, but it’s arguably more important. It instantly made the Wii a competitive console again and takes the unique interactive motion controls to a new level. The potential gameplay applications with the device leave much to the imagination, but that’s all it is at this point, potential. Most games presented in the works have a very late 2011 release date at the earliest and of course the Wii U won’t be available until 2012 and not much has been announced in the way of games for it. Still, Nintendo has somewhat undercut the threat of their competitors with the Wii U and of the big three, had the biggest and best variety of games once again. Flashy hardware will cock a few eyebrows, but quality games are what hold that interest and sustain it and I hope Nintendo keeps that in mind.

E3 this year felt like cruise control. None of the major companies saw fit to really make any earth shattering announcements and each side seemingly played it safe. Even still, if anything I felt a little more optimistic towards the direction of the gaming industry as Nintendo has shown that despite a disappointing 3DS launch, they still have plenty up their sleeve and Sony, having tasted a slice of humble pie has wizened up with their own presentation and is now starting to focus on what matters. Microsoft is the true wild card as it will be interesting to see if they can sustain the Kinect’s momentum. E3 left me feeling slightly more excited about the future of games than it did prior and that’s all anyone can really ask for.

Even still, being a default top winner in the E3 race isn’t really a good thing, Nintendo. Just saying.

National Kenographic: Issue #2: Bobby Kotick Renews Deal With Satan; God Announces HD Remakes

2011-06-03T10:33:00.014-05:00

This week's National Kenographic has been brought to you by a generous grant from....

TOP STORY: ACTIVISION/SATAN REACH AGREEMENT

Earlier this week it was announced that Activision CEO and ~~dickhead~~ entrepreneur, Bobby Kotick and Satan had come to terms on a contract. Both sides had been in long negotiation for quite sometime and were finally able to reach agreement on the length of term for a new demonic pact set to last until the year 2025. Or at least until Bobby runs out of developers to chase off and/or people get sick of Call of Duty and find something actually fun to play. Whichever comes first. This is no doubt good news for Activision as Satan has launched the careers of many talentless hacks completely undeserving of their fame and fortune for many years.

BREAKING NEWS: GOD ANNOUNCES HD COLLECTIONS

In related news, God has announced the Holy Trinity will be upon us. God gave us little detail as to what the specifics of what this will portend, but we at National Kenographic await with baited breath to hear the good tidings.

IN OTHER NEWS: PSN BACK UP, TRUMP OUT OF RACE

Kaz Hirai has finally restored the Playstation Network to full capacity and not a moment too soon as many rioters were still in massive protest.

No word on the care packages promised as of late, but for now, many gamers finally have the sustenance that they so desperately needed.

Donald Trump has announced his exit from the Sony Presidential race citing "I have many engagements at the moment. I still have to renew my contract with The Apprentice at NBC and I'm not sure how things are gonna go. However, I'm glad that Hirai has finally decided to renew the Playstation Store for everyone worldwide. Now he just has to show us the hacker records and we can put this whole mess behind us." National Kenographic asked Trump to release his financial records. We got no comment.

That concludes this week's National Kenographic. Your source for relevant up to date news topics. Often imitated but never duplicated, National Kenographic the leading news source.

THQ....Fire Your Cover Designers

2011-06-01T19:55:00.004-05:00

Wow....that's lazy. It makes the Smackdown vs Raw covers look like Rembrandt. And WWE 12? That's it? Seriously? That is unbelievably lazy. You guys have definitely raised the bar for lame sports covers and names. EA needs to get busy with NFL 12 and Golf 12. In fact Final Fantasy XV should just be JRPGXV, or Call of Duty should just be MilitaryShooterWherethePlayerCharacterDoesAlloftheWorkWhileYourTeammatesStandAroundWithTheirThumbsUpTheirAsses 12.

Come to think of it, I wonder if WWE 12 will feature a Gambit System in which you can just input automatic commands to streamline tag matches.

Enemy: Any > Clothesline

Maybe when WWE13 is released with a female on the front cover and they totally remove all elements of backstage storyline people will realize WWE12 wasn't all that bad after all.

....Nah.

The QnD Review for Tomb Raider Trilogy

2011-05-31T16:45:00.009-05:00

Alright, people. It's time for another QnD review, reviews in which I ~~lazily whip up a load of unprofessional rubbish on a game I have yet to finish~~ truncate an otherwise full review into a short, concise, and impersonal retrospective. This time we cover 3 adventures starring Lara Croft. I contemplated giving this a full review but I figured the opportunity to do anything quick and dirty with Lara Croft shouldn't be one someone should pass up.

It’s Tomb Raider Trilogy! A compilation available on PS3 that sports not one, not two, but three amazing Tomb Raider adventures. There have been several HD collections available for the PS3, but this is by far one of the best if not the best. This particular set includes the series of TR games that have been made since Crystal Dynamics took over for Core Design in 2006. The games featured are the PS2 versions of Legend and Anniversary (a remake of the original 1996 game) and the PS3 version of 2008s Underworld. So, you’re already getting a pretty good deal there as you get two games in the set for the price of what you would have paid for Underworld, just three years ago.

Where's L.A. Noire's MotionScan technology when you need it?

Any fan of the Uncharted series of games should definitely check these games out as all three build upon the gameplay concepts presented in the Uncharted series. At the time the platforming design was pretty revolutionary and it’s great to go back and see the Uncharted series roots. The only difference here, besides playing as a character unquestionably hotter than Nathan Drake, is that Tomb Raider tends to focus more on puzzle solving than combat. Uncharted has wave after wave of enemies with guns blazing and frequent explosions; Tomb Raider not so much. Even still, there’s plenty of action and bad guys to kill for action game aficionados who may be having a few reservations about the bigger focus on puzzle solving and platforming.

Tomb Raider Legend is the first game in the bunch and it’s easily the weakest in the set. Unfortunately, the vastly superior looking 360 version wasn’t ported over as it would have been a real treat to have seen it presented on a Sony console for the first time in stunning HD. The PS2 version looked pretty decent in say, 2006 but by 2011 standards it doesn’t fare quite as well. Animations and movements are still decent looking but the backgrounds look somewhat bland. Play control was great at the time, but again it’s shown its age and better play control has been seen in other games.

Tomb Raider Anniversary is in my estimation the best in the set. It takes the classic Tomb Raider formula and remakes the first game using not only the superior engine first presented in Legend, but improves upon it in every way. Control is tighter, Lara moves much more deftly and areas seem more expansive than the somewhat restricting Legend. Best of all, because this is a remake of the original, the plot is pretty much stand alone and you can jump right into it without knowing a thing about Tomb Raider. The version is also amazingly superior to the original PS2 version as the HD treatment looks far better here than it does in Legend for some reason.

Tomb Raider Underworld is the final game in the set and graphically and control wise, it’s probably the best. However, the level design isn’t quite as good as it was in Anniversary’s and the plot is also pretty humdrum compared to some of the other games as well, but TR games never were that big on plot anyways.

If there were any serious complaints about this collection is that nothing is really offered outside of the games themselves. If you already own all three of these games, I wouldn’t recommend it. However, if you’ve never played a Tomb Raider game before, this is a fantastic and fairly inexpensive way to experience what it’s all about before diving into the new Tomb Raider due out later on.

National Kenographic: Issue #1 The Playstation Network Crisis

2011-05-28T17:59:00.021-05:00

This week on National Kenographic, we explore the current Playstation Network crisis. What was once a lovely gathering center and place of thriving commerce has now become a community chock full of an angry, displeased populace. The outrage has caused many to riot and revolt in the streets as Sony President Kaz Hirai makes attempts to quell the uprising.

For the past several months, Sony has made attempts to stymie efforts of revolt, but as time draws near, patience grows ever more short and relief and aid are needed to Network victims.

" I assure you, we have at least three people working on this crisis!" -Kaz Hirai to National Kenographic

“ I tried to log into PSN for a month and now it’s been a month and I can’t even get into the PS Store! Damn you, Kaz Hirai! Damn you SONY!” cried one victim of the famine. Many in the world are providing humanitarian aid to the victims of the PSN crash, including the Walk To End PSN Hunger Organization.

“There are people in the world starving, people dying in wars, but dammit, more importantly, people need their Playstation Store BACK up and running! I feel so horrible for these people. So our organization walks to provide relief to those victims.” said community organizer Connie Artest.

President Kaz Hirai has promised all those victims a care package for continued support during this terrible crisis. UN and Humanitarian organizations are all working feverishly to get these care packages out by the end of May. We hope at National Kenographic, that this can only be true.

Hirai promises a welcome back care package for disaster victims.

In other related news, Donald Trump has decided to run as President of SCEI. “The people have a right to know the status of their Playstation Network. This company has become a joke.” Trump said. “Why doesn’t Kaz Hirai release the hacker records or provide the new security certificate. I don’t understand why he can’t provide that and we can put all of this nonsense behind us and focus on what really matters.”

That's it for this time on National Kenographic. Your news source for 100 percent pertinent information and truth in the world today.

LA Noire and the Case of the Game That Sucks

2011-05-27T18:26:00.010-05:00

What could have been an intriguing story driven tale is marred by terrible narrative pacing and overblown action sequences. L.A. Noire is the latest attempt by Rockstar to distance themselves from the puerile, almost cartoon-ish concepts presented in the Grand Theft Auto series and establish a more mature, serious product. The end result is a mixed bag. While the core of the game revolves around crime solving and case work, it also incorporates a few elements from the sandbox style of gameplay popularized by GTA. In this attempt to bridge two concepts together, neither work out very well and the game results in a disappointment overall.

Initially, the game is impressive. The presentation is easily the game’s greatest asset, providing an authentic depiction of 1940s era Los Angeles, from the cars driven to the clothing worn to the music and radio programs, everything here is faithfully reproduced to give the game a very classic film noir style feel. Careful attention to detail was placed on the graphics from bottles and cigarette butts tossed on the ground to postcards and letters. Objects of interest can be picked up and examined or zoomed in for further inspection. Thanks to MotionScan technology the faces of the actors are able to provide a fantastic level of detail and allow their performances to shine in ways it otherwise couldn’t have. This game boasts some of the best voice work in a videogame to date and really makes each character come alive in the scenes.

Book 'em Cole'o.

Despite the excellent presentation a few cracks in the foundation begin seeping through. Gameplay progression is divided amongst 21 individual cases, each spread out in an episodic nature. The problem that is presented is that the game tries to incorporate a mature, film noir narrative within the confines of “GTA style” and the two concepts don’t work well at all. Any attempts the writers made to try to make anyone care are trivialized by the silly trappings of sandbox style videogames. It’s difficult to take a plot seriously when you run over pedestrians knocking over light posts in pursuit of a fleeing suspect. As the plot grows increasingly more serious, as about the halfway point the game finally gets into the story it wanted to tell all along, the gameplay becomes even more ludicrous, at which point everything comes to a head in it’s final act; the player character literally goes in and takes on an army of mobsters with only his pistol and later a military issue flamethrower. In the end it cheapens and trivializes the drama of the tale. But more importantly, the game wastes too much time on filler material in the beginning that have little or nothing to do with the overall plot. The game attempts to foreshadow events to come via WWII flashbacks and obscure newspaper articles strewn about, but they’re amazingly vague and don’t provide enough clarity for the player to understand what’s going on. Not nearly enough time is spent developing Cole Phelps as a main character as elements of his personality and character traits are only mentioned in passing at best. When the time comes for the game to finally get to the point and tell the story it wanted to tell all along, the player is given little to no reason to care. We can’t have more cases that pertain to the plot or more dialogue sequences that explain the backstory a little more, oh no, because that would take time away from boring street crimes, driving around aimlessly looking for landmarks and making sure you’ve gotten into every hidden car so you can cross it off of your checklist.

Congratulations, Cole. You didn't kill any pedestrians in pursuit of today's suspect

Had the game been given more focus and attention to the things that did matter (case solving detective work) and less time on the stuff that didn’t (boring extracurricular activities that only trophy and achievement hunters would care about) the game would be a lot better off. The worst part is that this aspect of the title isn’t even needed. A grand recreation of Los Angeles means little if there’s hardly anything to do in it. The most interesting things are random dispatch calls the player can respond to which usually result in having to gun down a random group of thugs. Unfortunate that despite playing as a lawman, the player is given no opportunity to subdue a criminal instead of outright gunning them down. Interesting that the ability to take someone in alive is present in Red Dead Redemption, but not here. Unlike that of Heavy Rain, which is what this game should have been, half of the focus is diverted to this frivolity and not enough on the things that do matter. Things like branching or multiple story paths that affect the outcome of the game’s ultimate conclusion. No, L.A. Noire sees fit to cover up the same basic mission based formula present in Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption, only this game uses hand holding clue finding and poorly designed Truth or Dare games with suspect questioning to do it.

"Hold on, ma'am while i sift through these worthless ass clues to get to the one where I call you out on your lie and fail anyways thanks to the way this game annoyingly misdirects questions, gimme just a minute."

And that’s truly the saddest aspect of L.A. Noire. The game’s essential selling point, the clue finding and general detective work is stiflingly linear. All cases generally progress the same: travel to location, find a clue, question suspects and witnesses. Yes, this is how police work is generally done, it’s the sheer hand holding way in which the game achieves this concept that makes it so dull. The game almost never offers a choice between areas to investigate; even when it does, traveling to one location before another has no bearing on the ultimate resolution of the case. Half of the “clues” the player finds are worthless and don’t help in the slightest with interrogations and the rigid plot remains unchanged even in the rare event when the player is given a choice of which suspect to convict. The captain in the next scene speaks of how great of a detective Cole Phelps is, even if he did chew him out for a wrongful conviction the scene prior.

"So what does the police have on me that says I did it?"

"Uh.....nothing, but I found 14 landmarks and got into 10 random cars today so you better spill the beans, pal!"

L.A. Noire was an attempt to recreate a classic film noir tale of mystery, deception and intrigue. The worst part is that most of the mystery and deception comes less from the plot and more from the various ways it attempts to disguise boring linearity with choices made during cases that all lead to the same conclusion. Effective film noir storytelling and freedom of choice was done better in Heavy Rain and sandbox style action and fun was done far better in Red Dead Redemption. L.A. Noire attempts to bridge both concepts together and achieves only a modicum of success on both counts.

A Dragon Quest Anniversary Approaches! Command?

2011-05-26T23:16:00.003-05:00

Hopefully this means a U.S. release in the future. Not that I'd have the time to play them or anything. I barely get an hour a day of gameplay time as it is. Still, it would be nice to be able to say I finally own all of the DQ games.

Raiding some tombs once more.

2011-05-25T22:02:00.006-05:00

Started playing a bit of the Tomb Raider Trilogy on PS3, got through the first two stages of Legend and I realized that this game has not aged well at all. Combat is awful, with no way to take cover, no indication of grenade tosses and no melee. Worse yet, there are a number of graphical glitches; tonight I had to restart the entire second level due to Lara getting stuck onto a ledge. On the other hand, the platforming and movement is done very well and it's influence is seen in later games such as Assassins Creed and Uncharted. After the stiflingly restricted and slow movement of Cole Phelps in LA Noire, this felt like a breath of fresh air.

Actually, despite pretty much sucking at well, everything, one good thing LA Noire had going for it was the MotionScan technology. I'd love to see a Tomb Raider game that used Angelina Jolie's voice and likeness. It's pretty much the only movie role I ever liked her in.

C-c-changes....

2011-05-23T10:37:00.003-05:00

Yes, it's an actual honest to God BLOG ENTRY. Now that I've put a lot of stupid personal bullshit that will honestly take more space than this to allow it's once again time to get back into the swing of talking about stupid pointless bullshit to absolutely no one. Ah yes, I definitely know how to prioritize in life. More frequent entries to come soon.

Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy: The Final Chapter

2011-01-06T20:02:00.007-06:00

FINAL CHAPTER: A BRIGHT AND COLORFUL FUTURE?

When we last left our heroic hedgehog he was left battered, broken and humiliated after several years of missteps and misfires from the very company that created him. Once the king of the mountain of the videogame industry, all it took was a decade of destruction to ruin him almost beyond repair. Despite a few well meaning handheld titles that in all honestly weren’t too bad it simply wasn’t enough to save the tidal wave of shit stinking up the consoles during the first decade of the millennium. Many people were predicting the end of Sonic as his only decent appearances were shameless plugs for his character appearing in various games with his arch rival Mario in what essentially amounted to a washed up celebrity appearing on Dancing with the Stars in the hopes of retaining whatever shred of credibility they have left. Yet however in 2010, Sega announced both Sonic 4 and Sonic Colors. Most of us fans at this point rolled our eyes and wanted to kick someone at Sega in the nuts. Leave Sonic alone for fuck’s sake. Haven’t you assholes done enough damage? Let him die off in obscurity, in a lesson learned that anyone, no matter how popular, will someday meet their end if you put product quantity over product quality. However, Sonic 4 would be a promise to return to the series roots. Early E3 video seemed to suggest as much. Was Sega finally getting it? I wasn’t firmly convinced but I figured I’d give them a shot this one last time. It was put up or shut up time for Sonic. This game had to deliver. The question is, did it? Yes and no.

On one hand Sonic 4 mercifully ignores just about everything that’s happened with the series over the course of 10 years and really is a reboot of the series of sorts. A proper reboot, unlike that other pile of garbage that shall not ever be mentioned again. This game was an attempt to begin the slow healing process of the damage Sega had done for several years. And for the most part the game did just that. However, the main problem of the game was that Sonic didn’t seem to have any future. Sonic would forever be stuck in the 90s, perhaps a product of its time. There was no fresh new Sonic on the horizon. Everything smacked of a “Here we go again!” feel and no meaningful change was made. The two Mario Galaxy games took everything of the past 20 years of Mario history and expanded on it and created two of the finest videogames ever made. The Mario franchise was evolving and changing while Sonic seemed to be stuck in the past. Sonic 4 was a game that should have been made in 1995 but here in 2010 it just seems dated. While Sonic did manage to finally get his head above water, there was really nothing here to make me feel comfortable that Sonic had indeed made a return. This was hopefully a small step in things to come. Sega still had one more release for Sonic in 2010 and it was going to be a Wii exclusive. What on Earth did Wii owners do to deserve a 3D Sonic game the industry wondered. Finally in November Sega foisted Sonic Colors upon us.

I actually went out and bought a copy of it the first week something I hadn’t done since Sonic Heroes. I figured well, this is the final one Sonic. If this game blows I’ll have to consider this relationship severed. That afternoon I put the disc in. “Hmm….orchestral soundtrack…well that’s different.” I thought. I sat and watched the opening sequence. “Hey, its just Sonic and Tails and Dr. Robo…err Eggman. This is easy to follow. No over dramatic plot sequences. The jokes are actually funny. The voice actors actually sound like they want to put some kind of emotion into the story.” Then I started up the first level. “Hey, catchy music….controls are good…..inventive level design…..loving this switching from 3D to 2D….hey wait is this Sonic?!”

Yes, amazingly enough Sonic Colors wasn’t just good, it was great! I had to slap myself silly several times to remind myself that this actually was a Sonic game. After 15 years, 15 fucking years Sega FINALLY got it. This is the natural progression of Sonic and is the game they should have made back in 1999. Sonic Colors takes all of the bad things about the 3D games prior and throws them out saving the one or two good ideas they had from each of those games and combines them to make easily the best modern Sonic to date. By the time I hit the fourth area of the game I knew that Sonic had finally made his triumphant return legit this time. For the first time like ever water stages in a Sonic game were actually fun and as I happily waded through the water every bad mistimed pitfall, every badly acted cutscene, every unnecessary character, every last bit of aural trash that permeated my ears in the past 10 Sonic games was whisked clean away from my mind and I for the first time in a lifetime felt like a kid again playing Sonic. It was that magic feeling I hadn’t gotten since Sonic 3 and I loved it.

For the first time I felt that this was the natural progression of Sonic. Colors takes the best of both worlds. It combines the 2D games with the best of the 3D ones while adding fresh new power ups that utilize the Wiimote to enhance the experience. Basically, it’s what these guys should have been doing with Sonic for ages now. This is all we ever wanted Sega! We didn’t want or need all of these stupid, wholly unnecessary characters. We needed change yes, but we needed meaningful change. Not crap piled on top of crap. Don’t bother creating vehicle driving stages or fetch quest stages with your myriad of supporting jackass characters if you can’t even get the basic Sonic stages right. Don’t make your game multiplatform if you can’t even produce a quality game on at least one of them and for the love of God don’t ever...again...try to take Sonic and make him more “mature”. Now that you guys have pretty much chased off every last Sonic fan for the past 10 years with your bullshit save for us diehards who are still crazy enough to actually have given you this last final chance, here’s your opportunity to try and build a new fan base. The key to remember here, mature does not equal dark or complicated. Look at Mario, Mario still maintains a childish light hearted atmosphere yet people of all ages continue to play them. Why is that? Well for starters the games don’t suck, but also and this is equally important, the Mario games don’t patronize it’s audience. When you take anthropomorphic animals and try to present some Final Fantasy plot it only serves to alienate older gamers, confuse younger gamers and generally piss off everyone involved. Now read carefully anytime you guys get a bug up your ass and try to take Sonic in that awful direction again, hell you might even want to take a deep breath and repeat it to yourself several times. Hell, say it everyday before you guys go to work in the morning...whatever. So long as you have this engrained into your fucking skulls….

THEY’RE FUCKING CARTOON ANIMALS

Got that? Happy. Lighthearted. Fun. Vibrant. Exciting. This is what Sonic was, and what Sonic should be. This is what Sonic Colors was. Thank you for finally taking the stones you’ve had cast your way to heart and actually addressing the issues we’ve had with Sonic for over a decade now. I don’t ever want to have to come on here again and type Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy ever again. Please I implore you to take these lessons to heart because I’ll probably end up typing Diary of a Former Sonic Fanboy if you don’t.

Sonic your 20th anniversary is coming up. It’s been a rocky road for most of it but it’s ended on a high note. Please, when you finally reach your 25th anniversary I want it to be on a high note. Continue this success and do not falter. I was a Sonic fan before I became a Mario fan. Sonic Colors wasn’t perfect and by no means a Mario Galaxy game, but it was a huge step in the right direction and maybe with time and effort someday you can take that top spot again. I’ll be pullin’ for ya.

THE END

The Spike VGAs: Seven Years of Taking a Dump on Gamers

2010-12-14T13:01:00.003-06:00

There’s this little thing that happens every December. It’s a sad piece of crap and offensive turd burger of a program known simply as the Spike Videogame Awards, or more commonly referred to as “The VGAs.” This show supposedly honors the very best in gaming for that particular year by handing out prestigious “awards” to the winners and honoring the accolades of the gaming industry. Personally, I would have cut through the bullshit and gone with this title to lay out what this show really is…

The scariest part about this is the fact that this show has been on going for SEVEN YEARS. Yes, for seven fucking years gamers have continued to watch as this drivel assaults their senses year after year. Honestly after watching the original show, I would never have even dreamed they’d bother with doing another show much less have it carry on for nearly a decade now. Even David Spade, the host of the original show, with his limited knowledge of gaming or the gaming industry, knew barely 30 minutes into the original show’s broadcast that Spike TV and whatever corporate assholes’ dick they sucked to hock their shitty product on their programming were dropping a collective turd in a bowl and serving it to gamers and telling them “Eat hearty!” By the end of the thing he looked worn and like he didn’t want to be there and I really can’t blame him. He got their money and never returned and thank God for that.

And for seven years after this awful show this has been allowed to continue! Have these shows gotten any better since? Of course not! In fact I’d challenge that they’ve become worse. Every year its nothing more than a giant EA/Activision or whatever gaming company that decides to shell out the massive ad dollars circle jerk and wankfest to sell a product to gamers, not to honor gaming oh lord no, but to hard sell a product for the next year. Most of it is crap anyways. Most of it is the same shit you played last year but with another name tacked on the end of it. If Activision isn’t trying to make you buy yet another one of their lame franchise games it’s EA trying to make their own piece of shit carbon copy of a gaming fad that is already growing stale and doesn’t necessarily need yet another title hopping on the bandwagon. (Dante’s Inferno, Medal of Honor) These people come out here and don’t bother offering a fresh product, worthy of unveiling, instead come out here and crow “We’re gonna do it again! Fuck all you people who bought our last game, we’re gonna repackage the same shit and sell it to you again next year!” And people still continue to watch this drivel.

For seven years, Spike TV has used what should be a tribute to gaming as nothing more than a celebrity ass kissing contest, whoring out award presentation spots to only the lowliest of celebrities who are either tethered to appear there contractually (Tony Hawk) or a fucking talent less piece of shit comedian like Jack Black who appears year after year to hard sell whatever crappy movie he’s going to appear in and if he’s not doing that he’s taking a huge crap all over the gaming industry and the hobby of gaming in general with his crackpot skits and crude tasteless jokes. Two years ago the show opened with him rubbing his body on game consoles, molesting them with his naked body before a Wii came in and shot him in the head and you people still return two years after this fucking embarrassment to gaming and watch this crap. Are you insane? Any other celebrity involved with this mess looks like they flat don’t want to be there and who could blame them? Half of them don’t even play videogames, half of them are swimsuit models or hot actresses who are only there for the audience to collectively ogle. They look on as they’re accepted a piece of shit of an award that looks like a 3rd grade art project created by one of the executives son’s in the back hours before the show and are like “My God, what in the fuck am I doing here?”

When Spike is not turning my love of gaming into a venue to shill their shitty television that no one watches by constantly promoting their bad TV shows or carting Dana White out there to sell his UFC which is the only thing that network can put on that anyone gives a damn about, they every once in awhile decide to actually present some awards. The problem is that most of these awards aren’t even presented formally. They simply run down a list of the winners and don’t even bother to have any actual real names in the game industry accept any of these things. Why that would take time away from the pretaped skits and the bad outdated musical acts! Moreover, it’s painfully obvious that these awards are rigged from the start as only the companies that are willing to shell out the mighty dollar ever win anything. Nintendo, realizing that they should stay far away from this farce of an awards ceremony, is constantly snubbed year after year after year because they don’t bother to partake in this industry killing piece of shit. Oh sure Spike says that this stuff is viewers choice, but Spike are the ones who get to pick the nominees, not gamers. Hence the reason Super Mario Galaxy 2 wasn’t even up for NOMINATION to kill off any possibility of Nintendo ever winning anything besides their own “Best Wii Game” category that Spike treats as if it were like winning the Special Olympics. Spike never even bothers to offer any sort of verifiable voting percentages of who won by what margin which makes one question the credibility of the voting to start with. And really even if it was kosher, there are too many stupid fanboys out there who wouldn’t look at the games objectively and simply just vote out of blind Fanboyism anyways. These awards are nothing more than an excuse for some game company who paid Spike good money so they can in turn slap a pretty “Spike VGA Award Winner!” sticker on the same damn game and repackage it as an excuse to keep it at full price months after it’s been released. Hello to a few more months at $59.99 MSRB Red Dead Redemption!

For seven long years this has been allowed to continue and the scariest part is that some gamers accept this as any realistic awards show worthy of discussion or even partake in it. My question to you is why? These people who have proven time and time again that they can’t grab their ass with both hands, present to you not a product worthy of respect or adulation from the gaming industry, not a product that you can be proud to show non gamers exactly what makes gaming such a great art form and medium but instead a bad variety comedy show that literally, and I mean LITERALLY in the case of Jack Black, takes gaming and fondles and rapes it in front of your eyes and you people take it and accept it as some sort of legitimate awards show worthy of your time! It’s not an awards show, it’s a marketing scheme designed to sell you a bunch of shit while these corporate fat cats are laughing themselves silly to the bank as they piss in the viewers collective faces! Fuck Spike and fuck anyone involved in this shit. The only thing that would have made this year’s show any good is if someone took all of the celebrities and people responsible for this crap locked them into a small room and rolled a small hand grenade inside sparing us any future misery! Because they can’t even do what they set out to do properly, market a bunch of shit to 18-35 year old males, which is clearly the target demographic for this show. These group of idiots are completely out of touch with most gamers in this demographic and its proven year after year. When they’re not telling a bunch of stupid toilet jokes that only an 11 year old kid could find somewhat worthy of a chuckle or two, they’re carting out a bunch of 50 year old grey haired musical acts like Motley Crue or Def Leppard to perform for the delight of no one but themselves. Nothing says “Hey, the gaming industry deserves to be respected as a legitimate mainstream product every bit as good as movies or books” like carting out two decade old acts whose last meaningful gig was before the fall of the Berlin Wall. Seriously, fuck you Spike! You’re killing the gaming industry!

My mother years ago witnessed me watching the VGAs and after a few minutes she just shook her head and left the room. Spike, that is what people who are non gamers think of your awards show and that’s what you make them think of gaming in general. It’s seen as a goddamn joke worthy of nothing but scorn and contempt and at best, head shaking sympathy that this is falsely advertised as anything other than a complete and utter mockery of the form of entertainment I have grown up with and cherish. The worst part about is that gamers let them do it! You let them keep putting this crap on by not turning your backs on this garbage. You partake in it, you watch it. You tell them, “Hey, I like what you’re going to the gaming industry. I like the mockery you’re making it out to be.” You let them cart out unfunny celebrities who don’t even want to be there and in the case of Sarah Silverman, take a complete shit on you by continuing to perpetuate the bullshit stereotype that gamers are nothing more than pasty faced geeks who live in their parent’s basement eating pizza and guzzling Mountain Dew. Me personally, I expect more.

So then, to wrap it up, I now issue my challenge to you, the readers of this humble blog of mine. I challenge you to find anything and I mean ANYTHING that you can point to that shows that these awards show are beneficial to the gaming industry in any meaningful way. Point to one thing, just one thing that makes anyone say “Hey, this was beneficial to the gaming industry.” I challenge you. And to people who watch simply for the trailers, you’re a fool. You watch this crap just to see the trailers that 1up has up before the show is even off the air? Why? Who cares if you get to be the “first” to see it! Is it really worth letting Spike know that you’re ok with this industry killing pig shit they force-feed down your throat every year? Is it really worth letting Spike take our industry and flush it down the toilet and continue to let it be seen as the bastard redheaded stepchild but other forms of mainstream media? Is it? Just think about that for a minute or two and you might have your answer. If anyone out there wishes to refute my claims or give me any positive reasons why this crap should continue to air year after year, or be seriously covered or talked about or accepted by anyone in the gaming industry, please offer your comments below and I might even agree with you! But until I’m proven otherwise I demand more from an awards show dedicated to gamers and I refuse to allow a bunch of corporate jackasses to shit on my favorite form of entertainment year after year.

Diary of a Mad (and I do mean mad) Sonic Fanboy: Chapter Five

2010-11-20T20:38:00.010-06:00

So I got this in a private message and I was none too happy about it. I mean, would YOU be?

Tsuzura_Saki: Are you gonna play Sonic ‘06?

KenolaBar: Sadly, yes, I have to. God help me. How can you ask such a thing of your best friend?

Yeah Saki, how could you? You're an ass.

Well, here we are. Up to this point this blog series had been titled, “Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy” although I’ve spent nearly four installments praising the franchise for the most part. Well, it is now time for us to come to the “Mad” portion of our journey, as Sonic the Hedgehog would begin his eventual descent into madness for 7 long years with no end in sight. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the downfall of Sonic.

Lets rewind the clock to 2003. Sega Dreamcast had sadly been nothing more than a footnote in gaming history as it lasted barely even a year in the eyes of the gaming industry. While this was a major blow to Sega fans like myself we still held out optimism because now Sega could produce games for any platform they desired. This in theory is a good thing as now they have the freedom to design games for the platform of their choice and more of their games could be enjoyed and appreciated by a broader audience. In all honesty this should have propelled Sonic to new heights but history has shown that not to be the case. Still, in 2003 we got….

Sonic Heroes

Even though we had gotten ports of Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 for the Gamecube and Sonic Advance on GBA before this, me going to my local store to preorder the game on a Nintendo console just blew my mind. I never ever thought I’d see the day a major Sonic game would ever be released for a Nintendo console. I guess a comparison for today’s standards would be like seeing a new Halo announced for PS3. It was just one of those surreal “it will never happen what if” sort of things. I had no doubt in my mind that Heroes would continue the success of Sonic. Well, I was wrong. Not to say that Heroes is a bad game really. I mean, their intentions were there. Unfortunately this idea of Tag Team Sonic just didn’t work well within the context of traditional platform design that the series was accustomed to. Perhaps a slower paced RPG style of game would have benefited better. Often times this constant need to switch characters mid level slowed the pace of the stages leading to a sort of unevenness. You go from zipping at super speeds to sudden stops to where the game almost slows to a crawl. Couple this with some horrendously bad camera angles and you have a recipe for frustration. This game also marks the point where too many characters were added unnecessarily to the game’s plot. While the plot itself isn’t particularly bad, (It’s a simple story about how Dr. Robotnik is up to his old tricks while Sonic and pals rush off to save the day) but many of the characters were thrown in for the sake of adding characters and didn’t necessarily need to be involved. The game was too bloated for it’s own good and while it was never horrible really, none of the game seemed very polished and everything just had sort of a thrown together “meh” feeling as a result. Sonic felt like an old relic of the 90s who just couldn’t get with the times and be as fun and inventive as Mario. Sonic Heroes was a disappointment and the first real major Sonic game to be negatively received by most in the gaming community. Oh and it also happened to have the worst theme song ever. Thanks, dicks.

Shadow the Hedgehog

Well, Sega took these criticisms to heart and fixed that for their next installment right? With Sonic being in clear need of some fresh ideas he was shelved for awhile to make room for Shadow the Hedgehog who had become a very popular character in his own right since his SA2 debut. It was high time he had his own game and part of me was excited that Sega would give Sonic a rest for awhile until they could create some fresh ideas that didn’t feel rehashed or stupid. And Sega did create fresh new ideas. The problem is, they threw everything great about the franchise away and replaced it with crap! Seriously, a lot of people point to the game that came after this as everything wrong with Sonic in this time period and while they do have a point as that game was pretty lousy to put it nicely, I point to this game as being the first game to show signs that Sonic as a franchise was in some serious danger. This is the first major Sonic game I never bothered to own. My faith in Sonic Team was shaken after Heroes and I approached this one with trepidation simply only opting to rent it and test the waters before dropping my $50 on it. And lord have mercy were my fears justified. I mean just look at the cover. Putting a fucking gun in the hand of Shadow pretty much sealed this games fate before I even put the disc in.

Yeah at first it looks like the usual Sonic fare and a return to series roots with a fresh Shadow coat of paint. And sure while it didn’t reinvent the franchise in the ways it should have I could honestly have lived with that if that was all it was. But oh no. Sega decided the Sonic series needed some reinvigorating the only problem is that they had absolutely zero clue as to where that innovation should begin. Sonic the Hedgehog was all about fun and vibrant colors and displaying a general uplifting positive sense of feeling right? This one….not so much. Areas were dull and uninspired. Everything was dull and gray and unappealing to the eyes. There was entirely too much darkness. The musical style was atrocious. Jun Senoue should be embarrassed he had a hand in composing this musical ensemble of techno vomit. Seriously, one thing that you could always say about Sonic was that it had good music at least. Shadow the Hedgehog ended that tradition with a resounding thud.

Ok so the presentation sucks, how about the story? God, I dare say the plot to this game is worse. Look Sega, no one plays Sonic for plot. I think Adventure 2 kind of got too plot heavy for my own tastes but it was still within the realm of simplicity for the most part. Shadow takes it to a ludicrous level of overdramatic. I’ll attempt to keep this as concise as humanly possible…

Basically…oh fuck it this is what Wikipedia said, let them explain this horseshit.

The G.U.N. (Guardian Units of Nations) is an unnamed country's military federation that is run by the G.U.N. commander. When completing "Hero" missions, Shadow helps them,[10] as well as other characters from the series such as Sonic the Hedgehog, Miles "Tails" Prower, Knuckles the Echidna, Amy Rose, Rouge the Bat, Charmy Bee, Vector the Crocodile,[5] and Espio the Chameleon.[12] Their aim is to protect Earth from Doctor Eggman and the Black Arms. The Black Arms is an alien race headed by Black Doom. Black Doom sends an extension of himself, called Doom's Eye, to spy on Shadow and assist him in his missions. When completing "Dark" missions, Shadow helps them, as well as Doctor Eggman. Their aim is to obtain the Chaos Emeralds for themselves

….God enough. Do I really need to continue? This game drove the franchise so far off the rails it isn’t even funny. The gameplay actually managed to be worse than Heroes with a lousier camera angle and Shadow controlled like a drunk ice skater. They tried to add branching plot paths by making you either good or evil depending on your actions in the stages but most of us didn’t care. The play control was so fucking awful we were just happy to beat the damn things with our asses intact much less how we approached the stage. Shame on you Sega for taking everything about Sonic and pissing on it. No Sonic character should EVER use guns. No Sonic character should EVER drive vehicles. (Yes, despite being able to travel at the speed of light Shadow resorts to driving tanks and stuff) No Sonic game should ever be “dark” or “gritty”......what the fuck is wrong with you people?

I mean, Jesus H. Christ can it possibly get any worse?

OF COURSE

You know, I wont lie. When I first saw E3 2006 and a preview of this new Sonic game titled simply “Sonic the Hedgehog” I was like “Oh, thank you Lord! Sonic the way it should be.” I had figured after the disaster known as Shadow the Hedgehog and to a lesser extent Heroes that maybe Sega would have learned their lesson and finally delivered us a true 3D Sonic game worthy of the franchise’s storied history. And for awhile it did seem that way.

But as time continued and a rushed released date was announced by having the thing release before Christmas of that same year, it became more evident to me that this game was going to be a fucking train wreck in the making. In fact, not only did I ignore this horrible game upon release, I completely ignored it for several years as I hadn’t even played it up until this point. But for the sake of this blog series I ran out and got a copy of the game despite all of the horror stories and tried it.

Oh. My. God.

Honestly I don’t even know where to begin. The problem when discussing Sonic the Failhog ( I refuse to dignify it with that other name) is that there is SO much bad about this game that it’s hard to even know where to begin. Well, providing us with the absolute STUPIDEST moment in Sonic history ever is a great place to start....

I hope someone was fired over that. How can this have gone through so may channels for so many people to say “Wow this was a good idea lets use it!” Does the plot make much more sense outside of that? Let us turn to our friend Wikipedia, who actually cares enough to try and make sense of it…

Princess Elise is the beloved ruler of the peaceful city of Soleanna. During the Festival of the Sun, the city is attacked by Doctor Eggman who is seeking the secret to a powerful weapon, the "Flames of Disaster," that will help him take over the world, which Elise possesses. However, Sonic arrives and helps Elise escape, though Eggman quickly tracks him down, sends more robots to attack them, and successfully captures Elise while Sonic is preoccupied. Before being taken away, Elise gives Sonic her Chaos Emerald. The next morning, Sonic meets up with Tails and sets out to find Elise. Before long, Sonic manages to rescue her, and Tails splits up with Sonic to divert the attention of Eggman's robots. Noticing Sonic got hurt, she blames herself for it. Sonic tells her to smile and that her smile is all he needs. Elise then explains to Sonic that the Flames of Disaster Eggman hopes to unleash is the fury of Solaris, a sun god her people worship, and that she holds the secret to this power. Upon returning to Soleanna, Sonic is attacked by a telekinetic hedgehog named Silver, who calls him the "Iblis Trigger" and tries to kill him, saying that it will protect the future. While Sonic and Silver fight, Elise is once again kidnapped by Eggman. Amy arrives out of nowhere and prevents Silver from finishing off Sonic, allowing Sonic to chase after Elise, thanking her briefly. Sonic reunites with Tails and finds Knuckles at the Warehouse of New City with a message from Eggman, and the three head over to Eggman's base in White Acropolis, where Elise is being held. There Sonic agrees to give him his Chaos Emerald in exchange for Elise but, unsurprisingly, Eggman goes back on his promise and traps the trio in a time machine, which thrusts them into a distant, post-apocalyptic future. Sonic, Tails and Knuckles encounter Shadow and Rouge, who are also trapped in this future. In order to return to the present

Ok I've had enough. You get the idea. It’s absolute HORSESHIT. The amazing part is that this only scratches the surface of this inane plot. I'm serious. This is by far easily the absolutely most atrocious, nonsensical, overdramatic, silly, out of place plot for a Sonic game ever made. The amazing part is that people actually seriously try to defend this crap. What is wrong with you people? I’ve read better Sonic plots from 14 year old fan girls on Fanfiction.net. Someone seriously got paid to write this crap. If you want proof that this is truly a shitty world, there you go. This game encapsulates in every aspect everything absolutely wrong with Sonic the Hedgehog. This was not a reboot or a return to roots. This only added even more useless characters, game design and camera work was even more horrible than before thanks to a rushed release date and if I ever hear the words “Princess Elise” or “Silver” ever again I will fly to Japan and kick some Sega employee in the nuts.

I don’t really even need to get into game design problems but I will attempt to anyway. For starters, again entirely too many characters break up the action. Your guys can’t even do the Sonic stages right, lets focus on that before we even try adding other characters. The stupid city hub between stages is pointless and stupid and there’s a reason they ditched it in Adventure 1. This game is even sillier making the character models look more realistic rather than cartoonish and clash horribly with the cartoony look of Sonic and his pals. The music is dull and bland and totally doesn’t have that high energy uplifting feel that Sonic games are supposed to have and most of it sounds like crap that belongs in an elevator. The voice overs are atrocious as every single voice actor except for maybe Eggman completely phones in their performances here. But given the crap they have to work with I can’t say I particularly blame them. Sonic the Failhog is regarded as the worst Sonic game of all time and I’d be hard pressed to disagree. Nearly every single gaming publication declared it completely awful and an embarrassing insult to Sonic and it’s fans. (Except Dave Halverson, but everyone knows he’s nuts anyway) It’s amazing the franchise survived after this one to make…

Sonic Unleashed

Well, our Sonic crap tour finally comes to a close with Sonic Unleashed, which in all actually wasn’t all that bad honestly. The story wasn’t TOO overdone, Sonic gets accidentally zapped with a beam by Eggman that transforms him into a beastly “Werehog” form whenever the moon is full. What follows is a journey for Sonic to try and discover a cure for his affliction and to stop Eggman once more from his mad scheme. Mercifully many of the stupid characters added to Sonic 06 were excised as they had no reason to be there and most stages were centered around Sonic which for the first time were actually decent. The camera was improved drastically and best of all Shun Nakamura, the man responsible for the 06 disaster stayed far the fuck away from it only working on the level design as someone at Sega mercifully booted his ass out of the producer’s seat. Unleashed showed signs that maybe Sega was starting to get it and indeed in some areas Unleashed was a breath of fresh air. However Sega still didn’t truly get what we Sonic fans had been craving all along and felt the need to tack on some silly Werehog gimmick to sell copies. The Werehog stages were boring and dull and felt like a poor man’s God of War. It was again an unnecessary, totally out of place addition to a franchise that didn’t need it. This sort of stuff isn’t why we play Sonic the Hedgehog. Ultimately this game was very much like Sonic Heroes in that while it had good intentions its clear that this isn’t the Sonic game to return the series to former glory and overall not a big enough step in the right direction. Still, at least it stopped the hemorrhaging of the franchise as just when it seemed Sonic couldn’t possibly get any worse this title helps it rise from the depths of hell somewhat.

Next Time: Well, we finally put a merciful close to the first few years of “consoleless” Sonic as Sega FINALLY puts a stop to the bleeding and gets a hint as to where the Sonic franchise should head. Some major and I mean MAJOR reconstruction is going to have to be done over the next few years and in 2010 Sega would be ready to try to reclaim the empire Sonic once had after nearly a decade of misteps. The only question left, can they do it? Find out in the final chapter of Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy.

Sonic, why did they put us in such a shitty game?

There there, Tails. It's ok that mean ol' Shun Nakamura can't do this to us anymore.

Star Wars: Bad Covers Unleashed

2010-11-12T22:55:00.003-06:00

It's bad enough this game got lousy reviews. Does it have to have a shitty cover as well? Darth Vader looks utterly embarrassed to even be a part of this debacle behind that helmet of his. It's honestly an insult to take on that dork as an apprentice for the dark side to begin with. The only question that remains is this; was he just kicked in the nuts or is his underwear on too tight? Perhaps he has a nasty crotch rash he desperately needs to itch. Or perhaps he has backed up matter in his stool. Is Exlax available in a galaxy far, far away?

The Future of JRPGs Lies in Handheld Games

2010-11-04T15:44:00.005-05:00

I had written a blog a few months ago in which I had expressed my general discontent towards JRPGs over the past decade or so and it was met with pretty good feedback and praise and I want to thank you all for what turned into a really good discussion. Now then, this blog is sort of a companion piece or a rebuttal to my own work if you will. While my general feelings of JRPGs needing to advance still exist somewhat, here in 2010 there seems to have been a revival of sorts that might show good signs for the genre. Good signs provided you have a handheld at least.

You see, this year I’ve spent more time playing my PSP and my DS more than my Wii or PS3 simply because this is the greatest time ever to be a handheld gaming fan. If you’re a gamer who loved the 90s and the SNES/PS1/Saturn era of gaming then you have to be estatic with the amount of games that have been being released for handhelds over the past few years. This year in 2010, was simply the greatest year for handheld RPGs ever and there’s still more to come. This then is my rebuttal as I said. I shall now direct you to some great fantastic RPGs that have come out in just this year alone and encourage any fan to try these games as examples that hey, maybe there is a future for JRPGs at least on the small screen. I will be employing a new game rating system, one that is flawless and you simply cannot argue with. The Dragon Quest slime rating system! 5 slimes equals awesomeness and if you don't buy it I will come to your house and beat you and greedily grab the gold you leave behind.

1. Glory of Heracles

The Story: While it begins with the usual cliché of the main character having amnesia, this is offset by the unique atmosphere of ancient Greece. Believing himself to be the legendary Heracles, he is believed to be immortal and descended from the Gods themselves and along the way meets several characters who also have amnesia. Once again they get embroiled in the epic clash between Zeus and the Gods vs the Titans and the plot is driven from there. Think Clash of the Titans mixed with Final Fantasy and a little God of War sprinkled for good measure and you’ve got it.

Why Should I Play It, Kenola?: Glory of Heracles is like a nice mix of traditional turn based combat and strategy RPG. After placing your characters on a grid, you can select various commands that have you utilize the DS stylus to get maximum performance for attacks and magic spells. This can vary from touching circles in order or drawing the magic incantations yourself. While it does slow combat somewhat it does present a fresh take on what could have been a very boring battle system.

The Verdict: Not the greatest RPG ever, but definitely worth a look see.

2. Lunar-Silver Star Harmony

The Story: Well, being a remake of the original game on Sega CD and Playstation 1, most gamers are familiar with the plot of this game already, but if you don’t know, the main character Alex has dreams of becoming a Dragonmaster to protect the Goddess Althena. After venturing to the cave of the White Dragon and getting his quest he discovers that members of the Vile Tribe who hate Althena have been capturing girls for whatever reason, his girlfriend Luna being among them.

Why Should I Play It, Kenola?: Lunar was my very first RPG ever on the Sega CD and it holds a special place in my heart to this very day. While this version isn’t quite as good as those other ones, it’s got a entirely new prologue that lets you play as the Four Heroes and updated graphics and sound to make it look even better than before. If you’ve never experienced Lunar, now is the time.

The Verdict: If you’ve never experienced Lunar, now is the time. If you’ve already played through it once, you won’t find this one better, but still, it will be a nice trip down memory lane for you.

3. Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey

The Story: Set in a unique science fiction setting, you and a team of UN Inspectors are sent to investigate the Schwarzwelt, a gigantic portal deep in the Antarctic. Once inside you’ll discover a portal full of demons at which point you’ll eventually have to come to a decision. Save mankind or destroy it?

Why Should I Play It, Kenola?: Hell, it says “Shin Megami Tensei” on the box, that’s why. Ok, what sets this one apart from the others is the unique setting and characters. For the first time ever for this series, this game doesn’t take place in Japan and uses mostly American characters. The plot is more akin to a sci-fi action movie and feels like something James Cameron would have come up with to accompany the usual classic Shin Megami Tensei gameplay of negotitating with demons and recruiting them to make them for your own. If you’ve never played an SMT game, think of it as Pokemon with a bit more challenge and mature storyline.

The Verdict: SMT fans, you owe it to yourself to play this one. It’s every bit as great as Nocturne in my opinion and will keep you busy for quite some time. New fans to the series, don’t fret, this is a great introduction to the series and prior knowledge of past SMT games is not required. Check it out!

4. Persona 3 Portable

The Story: You are a high school student who recently moved into town with a very special ability. With a gun called an “Evoker” you can bring out our power known as Persona. You and others like you will combat what’s known as the Shadows that prey upon human souls during the Dark Hour, a hidden hour at midnight between one day and the next. Of course during the day you still have to go to school and carry on a social life. Time rests for no one.

Why Should I Play It, Kenola?: Well, anyone who’s played any of the PS2 versions of this game will give you plenty of reason. Fantastic story, great gameplay and a great challenge for one of the best games in the SMT franchise. Anyone who already has played the PS2 games should still check this one out as an all new female storyline complete with new social links to develop as well as many of the improved play mechanics from P4 such as the ability to control all party members show up here.

The Verdict: The best version of Persona 3 there is. Check it out!

5. Valkyria Chronicles 2

The Story: Set 3 years after the original game (or something like that, I dunno), you play as Avan of a Gallian Military Academy who leads a squadron known as Class G. Class G is called to defend Gallia against rebels who do not like this current era of peace, nor the idea that their country has fallen under Darcsen rule. Calling themselves rebels and declaring their intent to take back Gallia, they seek to rekindle the flames of war.

Why Should I Play It, Kenola?: Well, anyone who’s played the original game can see why you should play this one. The same gameplay that made the original so great returns, mixing action game elements with RPG strategy. The ability to command multiple vehicles as well as assign different classes to your troops is a natural expansion upon the original game. Everything is generally improved here and the game boasts some of the best graphics the PSP has to offer.

The Verdict: Even if you’ve never played Valkyria Chronicles 1, this game is still worth checking out as it has a plot that not only caters to fans of the original but is structured in such a way that it’s a standalone story as well. Those looking for an SRPG fix need look no further.

6. Lufia Curse of the Sinstrals ( Oh what, I just reviewed the damn thing don’t judge me! Okay fine I’ll tell you how many slimes it gets!)

7. Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies (Yes, you must type the subtitle as well.)

The Story: You are a Celestrian, a guardian angel of sorts who performs good deeds from upon high in the Observatory overlooking the world. The fyggs of the Yggdrasil Tree must come to full bloom before all Celestrians can ascend to the realm of the almighty. In order to accomplish this task, you must venture toward the world below and collect benevolescence or the crystallized gratitude of the humans below.

Why Should I Play It, Kenola?: It’s very simple. This is in my opinion the best Dragon Quest in the series. Your entire party can be created from scratch, from their appearance to their name to what class they areto how many. You can choose to go it solo if for some reason you desire. The options in DQIX are unlimited. Random encounters have mercifully been abolished and enemies can now be seen on the adventure map. New quests and items are available through the online shop and there’s never any real dull moment in the game. It’s the perfect blend of Western and JRPG concepts and not just one of the best RPGs you can play this year, its one of the best JRPGs period.

The Verdict: Buy it if you haven’t done it yet. I told you so and that’s why, don’t argue with me.

So there you have it. There’s 7 great RPGs I’ve played for handhelds this year alone. The future looks bleak on consoles but I’m glad developers are still committed to providing a fun JRPG experience on the go and there's more to come with a new Golden Sun being released for the DS as well. Don’t miss out on this stuff!

Curse of the Expectations (Lufia DS review)

2010-11-01T17:11:00.009-05:00

Often times when something is remade it feels like a cheap cash in; simply nothing more than a way to make a quick buck and be done with it. Using a popular brand name to sell an otherwise inferior product. Then there are times such as when Neverland remakes Lufia II for the DS in the form of Lufia: Curse of the Sinistrals. While not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, Curse of the Sinistrals at least feels as though some love and effort was put into the project to present a brand new product that keeps the spirit of the original intact.

While they simply could have given the game 3D graphics and slapped the name “Lufia” on the box and been done with it, Neverland instead attempted to present the original story of the game in a new fashion. In fact, “inspired by” Lufia II would be a more apt description of the title. The plot for the most part has been largely left untouched, a few noteworthy tracks from the original game including the beautiful world map music have been retained and the same familiar characters return as well, despite each of them receiving a more updated, contemporary design. Evil beings known as the Sinistrals, hell bent on destroying the world are challenged by a lone hunter named Maxim, who quickly gets destroyed but is later saved by a mysterious woman named Iris who announces him as a chosen one to defeat Gades and save the world. While not the most complicated story ever, the plot is driven by likeable characters such as Lexis the eccentric scientist, Tia the kind, somewhat jealous close friend of Maxim and Selan, a somewhat silent female warrior. There are other characters and personalities you’ll meet along the way and the game interjects enough light heartedness and humor which breathes enough personality and life into what could have been a very stale, clichéd story.

Characters have been given a fresh, new look to supplement the game.

For starters, whereas the original was a traditional turn based RPG, this one is more of an Action game with RPG elements and puzzle solving. Think a cross between Kingdom Hearts and Legend of Zelda and you’ve just about got it. Many of the areas have been trimmed down and the world map has been wiped from existence; instead you just select each area from a menu (The old world map music mercifully was thankfully kept however.) and travel between areas that way. While areas have been condensed in this title new puzzles are made available for you to solve and they are every bit as challenging as the ones from the original game. Like the original game your party will grow to up to six playable characters who not only have a unique combat style, but each has a special ability they must use to solve the various puzzles. Using each character in conjunction with one another, playing to strengths and weaknesses is the key to advancement.

No world map this time. Just press a button and you're there. But the music is still there.

Great Scott, Marty! That guy looks just like me!

But like in an RPG, characters gain levels and experience and can be strengthened through the use of Mystic Stones. Mystic Stones work much like the license board in Final Fantasy XII, placing different shaped blocks on a certain portion of a large grid with space for each character to occupy that will unlock various stat boosts and elemental resistances. While stones can be placed from just about anywhere as long as they connect to one another, it would be more beneficial to actually pay attention to the different type of stones being used to upgrade characters. Upon first glance character differences may seem simply cosmetic or personal preference, but after a few hours you’ll quickly start to realize how each character differs and play as them accordingly, as some characters are better suited for particular enemies than most others. While this game could have easily fell into the trap of “mash the Y button” all day; and for awhile, it does, by the time you get to your first battle with Gades you’ll quickly realize how to utilize knock downs and air combos to attack the opponent and get free hits unopposed. You’ll learn the merits of rolling out of the way and dodging and when to move in for the kill and unleash your special moves, carefully managing your IP meter so you don’t run out. Well, unless you like the Game Over screen that is.

Boss battles are fun and challenging and make use of both screens.

Then again if all of that sounds too challenging for you, the game does show mercy. If you don’t feel like spending the time to properly place your Mystic Stones or do the dreaded “grind for money and equipment” that takes place in most RPGs, the game allows you to restart 5 levels higher than you were when you died. While there is no real penalty for this, it does significantly remove most of the challenge of the game and simple button mashing will be all that is required to see it to the end. Still, not a bad option for casual players and those wanting to enjoy the story.

All in all Curse of the Sinistrals is a fairly competent reboot of the game despite it’s shortcomings. No, it isn’t perfect. The voice-overs are spotty. Many areas are too small, some expansion would have been preferred. Some animations are a bit lousy, particularly ones where you’re knocked off of your feet; camera angles cannot be adjusted making for a few hard to place jumps and while you can dodge, you cannot block, which can lead to some truly frustrating battles as dodging doesn’t seem to work quite as well as it should. All the same, with an open mind any fan of the original will have plenty to like about this updated version as well as anyone who is new to the series and just wants to play a fun Action RPG on the go. This game is best suited for those who enjoy fast paced combat and puzzle solving. If a more traditional RPG game with exploration and hours of character building is more what you’re looking for from your DS, seek it elsewhere. Stick with Dragon Quest IX or Shin Megami Tensei Strange Journey for your fix.

Thumbs in the middle.

Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy: Chapter Four

2010-10-26T16:00:00.023-05:00

Chapter Four: Dreams of a Sonic Adventure are Cast Act 1

Then Sega President Bernie Stolar remarked at 1997’s E3 show, “Sega Saturn is not our future.” By 1998 this was more prevalent than ever as both Nintendo and especially Sony had left them in the dust and with no viable attention getting game being released on the Saturn, both Sega and Sonic were fast becoming ancient relics of the past as far as the North American market was concerned. That remark was either a concession of Sega’s eventual retirement from the video game industry to come, or perhaps a slight hint of something major to come. Now that the Sega Saturn was essentially abandoned and everyone jumped ship, where did Sega turn? Behind the scenes Sega was working furiously on a new console that would put all others to shame. Sega had finally learned their lessons with three failed consoles underneath their belt. With the Saturn being the largest failure of them all, it was put up or shut up time for Sega. This was their final chance. Sega was determined that this time, things would be different. The first item of business to create this successful console was to finally give people what they had been wanting for several years now, a true successor to the Genesis Sonic games, headed up by the Sonic Team themselves, and so once again, they turned to Yuji Naka.

Naka had expressed a discontent for the slew of bad Sonic spin-offs that had resulted after Sonic and Knuckles and had begun to lose interest in the franchise he himself had created. In 1995 he worked on Ristar and later in 96 and 97 spent most of his time developing the NiGHTS games. However, when word came down that Sega expressed interest in developing a new Sonic title Naka had renewed interest. Upon hearing of the creation of a 128 bit console that Sega was working on Naka decided to take Sonic in a new direction and finally create that 3D game he had been thinking of doing years ago. This time he would expand the Sonic Universe and create an almost RPG like atmosphere. No doubt having been inspired by what Nintendo did with Mario in Mario 64 Naka no doubt had aspirations to take Sonic on his own 3D romp. This was Sonic the Hedgehog and a whole lot more. This was Sonic Adventure.

Fast forward to 1999. The Sega Dreamcast had been making waves in Japan despite some serious problems during the console launch and most of the gaming industry had declared this as Sega’s return to form. By the time September rolled around it was time for Sega to unveil the Dreamcast to the United States market. Now the big question would be answered. Was the US ready to give Sega one more chance? For me, who had been jaded by several years of lousy Sonic games and three failed systems and was ready to swear off Sega forever; just two minutes of playing Sonic Adventure at the store kiosk made me instantly bury my growing loathing and hatred for a company I once loved and I felt the same as I did when I first played Sonic on the Genesis nearly a decade prior. The next evolution of Sonic the Hedgehog was here. On my birthday a month later that year I finally received a Sega Dreamcast and Sonic Adventure.

Sonic Adventure was like no other game that came before it. This wasn’t just a new Sonic game, it was a series reboot. Many changes were made besides the obvious shift from 2D to 3D. For starters, Sonic himself had been given his now familiar modern look. He was more lean, has buckles on his shoes and green irises were added to his eyes. This game wasn’t simply a romp between stages collecting rings. This game had a fully developed story, complete with a voice cast and cutscenes with dialogue. This was the Sonic cartoons from the early 90s come to life in videogame form. This story picked up right where the Genesis Sonic games left off. Sonic was given a new move, the homing attack which allowed the player to automatically target enemies and made the problem of striking enemies that occurred in Sonic 3D Blast a thing of the past. The music was vastly different. This time the music was more rock based instead of the usual pop/techno from the previous games. Each character had their own vocal theme. While most I didn’t particularly care for, I felt that “It Doesn’t Matter” was a great theme for Sonic and one that he honestly should still have to this day. I think it fit the Sonic franchise as a whole very well and it’s a song they should revisit. Also, this marked the first Sonic game where not only were different characters selectable, they had different play styles and objectives as well. Tails had to keep up with Sonic in stages, Knuckles had to search for missing pieces of the Master Emerald. Amy Rose returned this time as a playable character. This time two new characters were introduced as well….

Gamma was certainly an interesting concept. The ability to play as one of Robotnik’s goons this time around was a nice little spin on the series and certainly felt interesting to battle Sonic instead of play as him. However the other new character marked the first time in the series that I felt they had created an absolutely lousy character, Big the Cat. Big the Cat was an abject failure. I found no fun in this whatsoever. He was slow, boring and stupid; three things that Sonic the Hedgehog was never meant to be about. If I wanted to play a boring fishing game I would have put in River King. Couple that with an absolutely idiotic story about his lame quest to find his pet “FWOGGEEEEE” and you have a recipe for disaster. Seriously, this was the first but certainly not the last of many missteps made by the Sonic Team for years to come.

But don’t get me wrong, there’s still plenty to like about this game and for as many changes as were made to the game the spirit of the old Sonic games was still intact. Dr. Robotnik, who had begun to start being referred to as his Japanese name of “Eggman” was up to his usual tricks. Knuckles was still as dumb as ever falling for his schemes. Tails was sending Sonic flying on the tornado, and Amy still had a crush on Mr. Hedgehog. Many Easter eggs and jokes were present, old versions of Metal Sonic could be seen in Eggman’s lab, and some stages had variations of past stage themes from previous Sonic games. Overall I had fun right up until the very end when Super Sonic destroyed the game’s true Final Boss, Chaos.

Sonic Adventure had an incredible amount of replay value. Stages could be replayed to get a higher rank at any time and should you get bored of that, little creatures named Chaos could be raised.

Feeling the need to jump on the monster raising bandwagon that was all the rage in the late 90s, Sega too decided to craft their own version of that by creating the little critters known as Chao. While I feel that this was an unnecessary addition to the Sonic franchise many disagree with me and had fun raising the little buggers. I always thought it was a waste of disc space myself.

Sonic Adventure was the first foray into the realm of 3D and in my humble opinion, was a fantastic success. Here’s to Sonic Adventure, a groundbreaking game and a revival for Sonic the Hedgehog. But the question still remains, did it revive Sega?

Thanks to a vastly superior marketing campaign and of course a flagship Sonic game at the helm, the Sega Dreamcast was a commercial success for Sega. Finally after years of flops and bad decisions Sega made all the right moves and had a console that outperformed everything else at the time. Sega was once again the industry pioneers by allowing Dreamcast to be the first console with online capability. It had every reason to be a successful console for years to come…..but it wasn’t. Sony was well at work on it’s next big console that would release a year later.

Yup, it finally arrived and the Dreamcast had no chance. Unlike Sega Sony made all the right marketing decisions in the 90s and promised to continue those successes into the next decade. No one was willing to give Sega a chance. Too many failed missteps and bad ideas in the early 90s finally took their toll. They could not escape the trauma of their past and not many were willing to forgive them for their bad mistakes and eventually just two short years after Sonic and Sega looked ready to take the gaming world by storm once again, they were right back to where they were in 1997, a fledgling company with a franchise hanging on by a thread. But that didn’t mean they didn’t give it the old college try. Sega still had Sonic Adventure 2 up their sleeve.

Dreams of a Sonic Adventure are Cast Act 2

Well, at this point its summer of 2001 and Sega had pretty much abandoned the Sega Dreamcast. It was a commercial failure despite a few months of early success. But this time I wasn’t angry or upset with them. They made all the right moves with the Dreamcast and it’s not their fault no one could see what I saw in a great console that sadly never got the chance it deserved. Still, I clung on to my Dreamcast for the follow up to the first Adventure game, Sonic Adventure 2.

This game was probably the last of the decent Sonic storylines before it’s eventual descent into madness and gave us probably the last decent new character of the bunch as well, Shadow the Hedgehog and his companion Rouge the Bat. While many old school Sonic fans weren’t very receptive to Shadow I didn’t mind him so much. Mario has Wario and now Sonic has Shadow. Of course, I do get some of the criticisms. Shadow’s background is somewhat overdone and a tad too dark for a Sonic game, and Sonic already had two rivals previous in Metal Sonic and later Knuckles. Still after ten years I think resentment towards Shadow has died somewhat and he’s slowly been accepted into the Sonic universe by even a few of the older fans now. Looking back on it given the characters they’d come up with after Shadow, his really wasn’t all that bad in retrospect. Oh and Rouge? She can take a long walk off of a short pier.

At least you aren't Big the Cat I guess...

While Sonic Adventure 2 was a marked improvement over the first game, refining the gameplay in areas where the original was a little rough, this was also the first major Sonic game Yuji Naka wasn’t a major part of and the game feels like a disconnect from the past Sonic games as a result. My feelings on it are a mixed bag. It’s both the swan song to the respectable era of credibility that Sonic and in fact Sega once had as well as the game that ushered in this loathsome new era we’ve been subjected to for the past 10 years. Still overall, this is still to this day my favorite of the 3D Sonic games and while none of the Adventure games can compare to the Genesis originals I still felt that Sonic was overall my favorite videogame franchise and I was excited to see where Sega would continue to take it.

Well, despite a short history the Sega Dreamcast produced two new outings for Sonic the Hedgehog and created a successful reboot for the series as it garnered a whole new generation of Sonic fans. Just when times seemed at their most bleak, Sonic pulled through and closed out the decade that he made his own and ended it in spectacular fashion. The Sega Dreamcast had every reason to rule the world and Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 were classic games. Give yourselves a pat on the back Sega you did right by me and re-instilled my faith and hope in you for at least two years. Fast forward ten years later and the Dreamcast is often on many peoples favorite consoles lists and for good reason. It paved the way for the next decade to come as they were simply ahead of their time, but their own reputation wasn’t enough to save them and they were eventually done in by the juggernaut known as Sony. Sega announced that they would no longer create consoles but would now focus on just software for existing platforms. Well, at least this is good news for Sonic fans right? Now we can continue to get our Sonic fix on multiple platforms. Sonic will live forever! Glory be to Sonic!

……Right?

Next Time: The dark ages begin. Sonic becomes the laughing stock of the gaming industry and the butt of several jokes as many wonder what in the hell has become of our famous Hedgehog, culminating in their biggest disaster ever. Yup, I’m talking about that game. And boy do I have a rant for that one you won’t wanna miss.

Sonic and Shadow argue over who is responsible for Sonic 06.

Fourth Time's a Charm (Sonic 4 Review)

2010-10-14T15:07:00.007-05:00

If I were to think of one word that could sum up Sonic 4 it would be simplicity. Sonic 4 is in many ways back to basics. Its in my humble opinion a welcome return to form that this series has been needing for a very long time. While Mario has improved and benefited from a 3D format, I think Sonic is perhaps best in his 2D incarnation. Sonic 4 is back to old school basics and gameplay. It’s simple. You travel generally from left to right picking up rings as you go between various Zones and Acts. It’s the basic Sonic formula many old school fans have come to know and love. Bearing a graphical style similar to that of Sonic Adventure, this is perhaps the game that should have been on the Dreamcast to start with. Many of the things cluttering and plaguing the series over the past decade have been stripped away to make things less muddled or confusing. Gone are the unnecessary abundance of characters. Gone are the zany, melodramatic plots. Gone are silly gimmicks designed to make the formula seem more fresh or new than it is. Sonic 4 focuses on what matters; dashing through hoops collecting rings and smashing into things curled into a ball. It’s the reason we all fell in love with Sonic to start with and Sonic 4 mercifully focuses on that and nothing else.

That’s not to say that the 3D Sonics have nothing to bring to the table. Included is the homing attack present from the 3D games as well as the ability to pick and choose any stage to replay at any time. Anyone familiar with the Sonic Rush titles developed by Dimps should already feel at home here. The controls feel somewhat sluggish at first but it just takes getting used to and you’ll come to find that the controls are actually pretty tight and responsive. Level design has improved from the Rush games as well, placing more emphasis on platforming and timing than making Sonic zip at insane levels of speed, although there are plenty of moments that have that as well. In addition to retro level design the game boasts a retro soundtrack as well with musical selections that are highly reminiscent of the Genesis classics. This is just personal opinion but this style of music just fits Sonic the Hedgehog better. It’s timeless and adventurous and just encapsulates the feeling of just having fun, which is what the series initial intention was.

If Sonic 4 has any failing it’s that it doesn’t feel like Sonic 4. A more apropos title would have been “This is Your Life Sonic the Hedgehog” as the game feels more like a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Many stages were clearly inspired and in the case of the Casino Zone, outright ripped straight out of Sonics 1 and 2. Every boss battle with Robotnik, excuse me Eggman is generally a rehash of boss battles you’ve had before in those games as well and even the level designs often employ the same tricks as the Genesis games. Veterans should easily be able to spot many of the level design tricks employed here and as a result it makes the game seem somewhat too easy as a result. While tugging at nostalgic heart strings is never really a bad thing per se, it helps to bear in mind that this is supposed to be a sequel. While the spirit of the originals should be kept in mind with the design it’s important to make us feel that this in fact Sonic 4, a brand new adventure with the spirit of the originals intact. Nothing in Sonic 4 makes it seem vastly original or different than the ones that came before it and it has no identity as a result. The developers of Mega Man 9 understood this concept perfectly, it’s one that Sega and Dimps should have kept in mind.

Haven't I seen this somewhere before?

Yep.

Even still despite it’s short length at only 4 Zones each with 3 Acts Sonic 4 doesn’t feel like a terrible game at all and is a welcome game that is at least 10 years overdue. Most average players can beat the game in about a day, but the real fun and challenge of Sonic 4 is replaying the levels trying to get that high score or beat that level just a bit faster. It’s an old school philosophy of gaming in mind, one that seeks to challenge and test you rather than tell a grand epic story. Some games work better that way. I would love to see a grand sweeping tale from Red Dead Redemption. When it comes to Sonic I just want a fun, vibrant platformer with catchy tunes and colorful backgrounds. This is only Episode I of Sonic 4, so here’s hoping that Sega continues it with an Episode II and maybe adds Tails or Knuckles or even Shadow as playable characters and gives us some more original stages and boss battles. All the same Sega, allow Dimps to design your Sonic games from now on. They’ve done more for this series with one simple downloadable game than you have with 6.

Thumbs up for Sonic 4.

Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy: Chapter Three

2010-10-12T15:35:00.020-05:00

Chapter 3 Act 1: The End of an Era

The years of 1992 and 93 were ones of lucrative successes for Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic was at the height of his popularity. There were not one, but two Sonic cartoons in circulation. There were Sonic T-shirts, coloring books…freakin’ Pez dispensers of Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic was one of the most popular videogame series at the time, if not the most popular. Naturally a Sonic 3 was being prepared behind the scenes and Sega would attempt to make it their biggest Sonic game yet, even employing Michael Jackson to lend his talents to the soundtrack. While this collaboration was never finished, his influence on the game’s music is still very apparent. The game and the project was so ambitious that it had to be split into two parts, with the second half of the story to come at some later date. However, in early 1994, we finally got Sonic 3.

Unfortunately for Sonic 3, its release date came at an awkward time. Nintendo was beginning to regain its footing by 1994, having one of the best years that console ever had and following the commercial disaster that was the Sega CD, Sega now had to scramble to try to regain its strong lead and thus do I think Sonic 3 was hastily rushed to store shelves. To add further fuel to the fire Sega failed to outright state that this was a part of a two part series and reaching the end of the game forced a lot of gamers, including myself to scratch their heads thinking “That was it?” The game was pretty short with a cliff hanger ending this side of Halo 2. As a result this game was not as critically well received as previous games.

But that doesn’t mean that Sonic 3 was a terrible game by any means. The original idea the team had for the game was to design a 3D sonic game but that idea was ultimately scrapped in favor of another traditional side scrolling adventure. In order to avoid rehashing the same game as the 3 that came before it, Sonic 3 attempted to create a little more back-story for the game than previous ones. Picking up immediately where Sonic 2 left off Dr. Robotnik’s Death Egg crash-lands on the Angel Island where a legendary Master Emerald is being held. Sonic and Tails fly off towards him in pursuit. Sonic transforms into Super Sonic in a strange bit of continuity for a side scroller before he is stopped dead in his tracks by a new character, Knuckles the Echidna who quickly nabs your Chaos Emeralds you worked so hard to get in part 2. (Or at least I worked hard to get, most other gamers likely had a life and didn’t bother collecting them all or they used a Game Genie to get Super Sonic in which case you suck.) Anyway, putting the fact that Knuckles somehow stopping Sonic in his tracks with one blow makes no sense at all, this was still a really memorable way to introduce a new character and Knuckles quickly became accepted into the Sonic universe and was an instant success.

Knuckles pre Sonic Adventure. Bad rap song not included.

Sonic 3 was fun right from the start. As soon as I began zipping through Angel Island I could see that this game was easily on par with past Sonic games and the graphics were jaw dropping for a Genesis game at the time and still is one of the most gorgeous 2D plat formers today. Every sprite got an updated look that looked even better than Sonic CD in some ways. A lot of gameplay additions were made as well. Sonic now had several shields in addition to the usual one and that protected you from different elements. A fire one that allowed you to walk over lava, a lightning shield that allowed protection from thunder or shocks and had an added benefit of attracting any nearby rings to you and a water bubble that offered unlimited breathing underwater. The bonus stages were redesigned in what I felt were my most favorite style and even Tails got an upgrade as now you can fly anytime you want to add a different dynamic to gameplay when playing as Sonic. Acts were still limited to 2, but this time each act had a different look to it and even a remix of the act’s music played to accompany it. Sonic 3 had the best soundtrack of any Sonic game in my opinion up to that point and still does. It was a fantastic game that sadly had the major flaw of being too short. That would be fixed with the release of….

Later that same year, Sega would finally release Sonic and Knuckles and the conclusion to Sonic 3. This game came out just in time for my birthday and I rushed to my room instantly to start it up. If Sonic and Knuckles had any failing is that it was essentially more of the same since technically it is part of the same game that Sonic 3 was supposed to be. However this addition did have a few added benefits. For one thing the popular character of Knuckles was now playable. Knuckles had become an instant fan favorite and being able to play as him was a nice boost to the game. He could also access areas that Sonic could not by climbing or punching his way through areas and making new pathways. Of course the true strength of Sonic and Knuckles came in the form of Lock-On Technology.

In what could be considered one of the coolest things like, ever at the time putting a copy of Sonic 3 on top of a specially designed cartridge for S&K gave you Sonic 3 and Knuckles which allows you to play Sonic 3 and go straight into S&K without interruption. This also unlocked Tails as a playable character for the game and gave you access to the true ending for S&K. Even more odd was sticking a copy of Sonic 2 would mod the game and allow you play as Knuckles in that game for even more awesomeness. Sadly, this is only possible by actually playing a Genesis cart of the game or downloading a ROM as any subsequent Sonic 2 or Sonic and Knuckles re-releases do not allow you to play this.

Well, for the fifth time I took down Dr. Robotnik (or Metal Sonic if you were Knuckles) and had a blast, only this time it just didn’t seem quite as fun. Sonic 3 and Knuckles didn’t feel quite as good as the other games to me. Stages seemed designed to trap the player and based more on speed and memorization than exploring. But most of all the stages were too long. Some stages could run anywhere from 6-7 minutes and by the second act of a lot of them I was ready for it to end already. It was clear that while Sonic was still fun, the series was starting to lose some of it’s magic and by the end of 1994 I was more into my Super Nintendo than my Sega Genesis. The Golden Age of Sonic had finally come to a close.

Chapter 3 Act 2: Where In the World Is Sonic the Hedgehog?

Sonic the Hedgehog had 5 main titles as well as a slew of spin offs and Game Gear ports. Even the character of Knuckles got a game for the much maligned 32X another awful add on idea that Sega had apparently learning nothing of the lessons of the Sega CD. Even less people bought that and it remained on the market for barely a year if that even. Not even Sonic could save a console anymore and people were just starting to get sick of Sega while on the Nintendo front they had one of their biggest years ever in 1994, ending with the release of Donkey Kong Country which blew anything the Genesis had graphically out of the water. By 1995 the Sega Genesis had seemed like an old dog that was desperately needing to be put out to pasture. Sega would give disc based gaming another try as it was obviously the direction gaming was headed but this time they had to do it right. The Sega CD flopped because they failed to make a game that really showcased the power of the hardware with a fun likeable character in an eye catching game. Their Sega Saturn would launch later that same year and did they manage to do that? Well….sorta.

Sega had to really rush the Saturn out there before they were really ready to do so. They were quickly falling behind and they had to get their system out first before the Sony Playstation. As a result the Sega Saturn released months before it was supposed to and it was the Sega CD all over again. While at least they didn’t have bad FMV games, the US Saturn was filled with nothing anyone wanted to play or games that were also available on other platforms. As a result the Sega Saturn was fast becoming another Sega CD or 32X in the long line of failed consoles. Sega just couldn’t find a way to duplicate the success that the Genesis did. However, the Saturn was flying off of the shelves in Japan. Great classic original games were selling like hotcakes but the US Saturn still sat collecting dust on store shelves. So did Sega finally address this issue and start importing some of these original titles?

Well, what do you think?

Sega president Tom Kalinske at the time felt that 3D gaming was the way to go and that 2D was a thing of the past. Unfortunately, the Saturn’s greatest strength was in processing 2D graphics and couldn’t handle 3D as well as its rival the Playstation or later the Nintendo 64. As a result a lot of really lousy slow loading poop was released for the thing instead of what everyone really wanted, a 32 Bit 2D Sonic game in all of its glory.

Well, we didn’t get that. We got Nights.

To be fair, Nights wasn’t a terrible game by any means, but unfortunately Sega was an enemy of its own successes as many shunned it because well, it wasn’t Sonic. And that’s what we all really wanted to see. Sega had really been banking on Nights being the commercial success that Sonic was and tried to get us to buy into a new mascot for the Saturn and repeat the success of the Genesis. That never happened. By the time Sega finally came crawling back to Sonic in late 96 with Sonic 3D Blast an awful game that wasn’t even designed by the Sonic Team themselves (they were too busy with Nights) it was too late. Nintendo had unveiled their Nintendo 64 and Mario’s long silence was ended and he came back with a vengeance in the form of Mario 64. Sonic was for all intents and purposes, finished. There wouldn’t be another Sonic game proper for almost four years. Even my interest in Sonic the Hedgehog was over. I watched as I played lousy racing games like Sonic R and just laughed at Sega’s ineptitude and stupidity. 1991 seemed like such a long time ago. Both Sonic and Sega needed some time to bounce back and recover and for once do things right.

Yes, just what Sonic needed in response to Mario 64; a slugglish, ugly slow moving fighting game.

Next Time: Sonic awakens from his long slumber and takes us for not one but two great adventures as a new generation of Sonic fans are born.

Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy: Chapter Two

2010-10-05T15:25:00.016-05:00

The success of Sonic the Hedgehog propelled Sega to heights the company had never seen before and it was now time to take control of the console game market in 1992. The original Sonic was a smash success and many fans including myself were definitely wanting more. Sega was already hard at work producing a sequel that looked to be even better than the original. At the time I couldn’t really see how you could top the original game but pretty soon Sega would give me my answer in the form of Sonic 2.

Chapter Two: The Sonic Boom

Sonic the Hedgehog was an amazing financial success for Sega and for the first time they had momentum going into 1992. They would have to deliver a final crushing blow to Nintendo and their SNES if they hoped to continue to their success. While this never happened, they did become the market leaders when Sonic 2 was released. Sonic 2 was an even bigger success than the original and to this day it is still the best selling Sonic game to date selling over 6 million copies worldwide. The original game was amazing, but Sonic 2 could only be met with silent awe and admiration. Sonic 2 absolutely demolished the original in every possible way and gave us a new character, Miles “Tails” Prower.

Sonic now has a Robin to his Batman

The best just got better. Everything in Sonic 2 was better. Better music, better graphics, better level design. That nasty spike glitch was mercifully addressed. (You know that one where if you jump on the spikes you keep hitting it until you die with no way to recover…ugh.) Sonic was given a new ability, the Spin Dash which helped immensely. No longer did you have to run backwards and pick up speed just charge in place and plow through the enemies. Although Zones were reduced from 3 to 2 levels per Zone, more Zones were added to increase variety. Dr. Robotnik was back to challenge you in every level but this time his contraptions were more varied and challenging. Special stages were altered from that awful headache inducing rotating pinball machine thing from the original in favor of a much more fun “rollercoaster” style run in which you simply collect enough rings and avoid taking damage from bombs to collect the Chaos Emeralds. Speaking of Chaos Emeralds….

Nabbing all of the Chaos Emeralds didn’t really do much in the original game. It just slightly altered the ending somewhat. Not in Sonic 2. If you were skilled enough to grab them all in Sonic 2, a really nifty reward happened when you were able to grab 50 rings in a stage. Sonic transformed into a super fast yellow form and became Super Sonic. All your hard work paid off. Any level as Super Sonic was a joke as long as you could keep collecting enough rings before the effect diminishes. Needless to say I thought this was the coolest thing ever and felt like I didn’t waste my time trying to collect them all. In fact I played Sonic 2 to the death. Me and my brother would have hours of fun playing this game. If there was any game I mastered in life, this was definitely one of them. Everything led to the game’s epic conclusion with Sonic and Tails flying into space to face Robotnik one last time. But not before he forced you to fight one of his creations, Metal Sonic. I remember as a kid seeing this nice little surprise and thinking, oh crap when it prepared to charge. I miraculously survived the battle only to discover that Robotnik was a far greater challenge. To this day I still say this game has the hardest final boss out of any of the Sonic games and when it was finally said and done my palms were sweaty and I just kicked back and watched the credits. Epic finish to an epic game.

Sadly, the game wasn’t exactly perfect either. A two player mode was added to the game but sadly it was utterly awful with its split screen and slowdown. This felt like a last minute tacked on addition to the game as an excuse to delete some of the unused stages from the game. Actually this game had a lot of things in it that were unused. This game was a very ambitious project and multiple ideas including time travel even were excised. In fact, Sonic 2 was originally being developed for a new game console Sega was working on that used a compact disc format instead of cartridges but much of those ideas were scrapped. So what did happen to a lot of those ideas? Well, they took them and applied them to what in my opinion is the greatest Sonic game of all time.

It’s now 1993. Sega has taken a firm hold over the home console market and just recently unveiled their Sega CD add on the public. This was made to compete with the success of the Neo Geo and Turbo Duo disc based consoles which were a huge success in Japan. They hadn’t really taken off in North America and with the Sega brand a big name in NA, they would practically run unopposed in that market. The decision was a pretty smart one for Sega in theory. They had a leg up on Nintendo and there shouldn’t be any reason the public wouldn’t buy this new technology right? Sega had marketed the Genesis brilliantly. They banked on the success of Sonic the Hedgehog and it paid off in spades. Sonic was bundled with every console and it sold an impressive amount of units and put them on even footing with Nintendo. So now that Sega had this new disc based hardware it was time to send them packing right? A new Sonic game for the CD was in development and released for the console but instead of showing off that game which truly used the power of the hardware they opted instead to advertise stuff like this…

Yeah, Sega stupidly instead chose to focus on grainy FMV games that looked ugly back then and most certainly haven’t aged well today. As a result the Sega CD became the first real major blunder in the companies history as it was forgotten almost a year after it released. It didn’t take long for people like me to realize most of it’s games were shit and instead of doing the intelligent thing and bundling Sonic CD with the console, most bundles came with a horrible FMV game called Sewer Shark. Needless to say, I wasn’t too happy with the Sega CD and realized it was going to be a failure after a few months. But hey, at least I had Sonic CD.

Oh what a game Sonic CD was. To this day, still the best Sonic game ever. The best parts of Sonic 1 and 2 were meshed to create this one. Tails wouldn’t be around for this one but instead we did get introduced to a new character, Amy Rose and Sonic’s nemesis Metal Sonic would return in his most recognized incarnation and wouldn’t you know it he’d capture Amy for whatever reason and now you have to save her. Robotnik is back to his old tricks of course and this time he’s not after the Chaos Emeralds, but instead the Time Stones which allows a person to travel in time to any moment he wishes. Why on earth this hasn’t been used in future Sonic stories is beyond me. It’s a neat idea and Sega should revisit it. Lord knows they could use some good ideas, but let’s save that rant for future chapters of this blog series shall we?

The debut of Amy Rose. A moment of celebration for some, dismay for others.

While she wasn’t a playable character and this game regressed back to a 1 player game with just Sonic, this game more than made up with that shortcoming. This game could do things that the other Sonic game could only dream of doing with the new disc based technology. I remember putting in the disc and being treated to the opening movie and heard a really cool song and realized this game was going to blow the other two out of the water.

Sonic now had more animations than ever before. In addition to the Speed Dash Sonic now had the ability to run in place and build momentum. A feature to this day still unique to Sonic CD. This made Sonic even faster than he was in Sonic 2. Thanks to CD technology, Sonic now had a voice for the first time ever. Sonic CD has some of the most interesting level designs in the series. Challenging, yet fun this is also the most replayable Sonic game out of the originals thanks to the time feature. Certain gates marked with Past or Future signs would send Sonic into those respective eras if he built up enough speed. Going into the past and destroying Robotniks machines would allow for a good future in Zone 3 which altered the stage and even the stage music. Speaking of the music, this game had a great soundtrack thanks to the CD quality of the music and oddly enough the music for the American version was very different than that of the original. But who cares! While the Japanese music was good, the music of the American version has aged much better overall and was simply outdone. This is one of those rare times where we did something better than the Japanese in my opinion. The music in this game was a bit different than what you would normally hear out of a Sonic game at that time but nowadays it would fit perfectly. It was just a bit ahead of its time. The special stages were in Mode 7 style and offered the first glimpse into what a 3D Sonic game would be like. Everything about Sonic CD was ahead of its time.

As such Sonic CD was the best selling Sega CD game well, ever and was still enjoyed a fair amount of success and is hailed as a cult classic today. Sadly due to Sega’s mismanagement they took what could have been future success with this disc based add on and future Sonic games could have thrived on this format. Sega was clearly out of touch with what the consumers wanted and had to end the Sega CD experiment shortly thereafter and a true Sonic sequel would be relegated to the Genesis again. Well there’s always the old lovable Genesis I guess, right?

Sonic's reaction to Sega's marketing decisions in the mid 90s

Next Time: The Golden Age of Sonic finally comes to a close and Sonic takes a strange hiatus from the gaming world when Sega gives disc based gaming another go.

Every Girl Crazy Bout A Sharp Dressed Man

2010-10-03T21:42:00.003-05:00

Seriously EA, fire your cover designers already.

Diary of a Mad Sonic Fanboy: Chapter One

2010-09-29T15:36:00.013-05:00

I’ll never forget Christmas of 1991. I was an impressionable 8 year old child opening all of my gifts that I had received. While I had loved them all, one clearly stood out amongst the rest. I had received my first game console that my parents had bought for me. Up until that point I had to share the NES with my older brother, but now I finally had something I could call my own. My parents bought me a Sega Genesis. I was happy. I knew when I saw that shiny black box with silver lettering I had something special. I was gonna find out what Genesis does that Nintendon’t. While the Sega Genesis is not exactly my favorite game console, it’s my most treasured and one I find most nostalgic. One of the major reasons for this is because the system came packaged with one of my personal favorite game franchises of all time, Sonic the Hedgehog. However, over the years this love has waned. It has transformed from love, to apathy to loathing hate. This then, is the reflection. This is my life experience with Sonic the Hedgehog. National Kenographic presents.....

Chapter 1: The Genesis of Fanboyism

Truth be told, I hadn’t always wanted a Sega Genesis. I was perfectly happy in the 80s with the NES era and I didn’t really think videogames could become much greater than Super Mario Bros. 3. I played that game to the death. I had seen in various gaming publications of a new gaming console, called the Sega Genesis. They ran various ad campaigns on TV and magazines crowing about how great it was and how NES was a joke in comparison and this and that, and while it looked neat, it failed to really capture me as a gamer. Not that as a kid I didn’t go “Wow those graphics are purty!” but any of the games just failed to make a lasting impression with me as I wasn’t much of a sports gamer and I never could get into Alex Kidd. It just seemed like a poor Mario clone to me. All of that changed when I saw this….

Yes, the original ad for Sonic the Hedgehog. Now Sega gets laughed at for poor marketing strategy and rightly so, however during the early 90s Sega had made absolutely brilliant marketing decisions and strategy. Alex Kidd simply was not pushing Sega consoles and they needed a serious viable contender to the Super Nintendo onslaught. In steps this man...

The face of a man that realizes he is indeed all that and a bag of chips

The Sega Corporation should be sending a good 5 percent of their paycheck to this man every week for literally putting them on the map in videogame history. Many characters were submitted by Naka’s team to replace Alex Kidd, interestingly enough a lot of those scrapped designs would be used in later titles, such as Vector the Crocodile, who finally would make an appearance years later. Eventually the team settled on one design, a small hedgehog with an ability to run extremely fast. Dubbed Sonic due to his super speed, he was the obvious choice for the new mascot and was given the color blue to coincide with the trademark Sega logo. Sega wanted it so that when you think of Sega, you think of Sonic the Hedgehog, just like Mario with Nintendo. It was an instant overnight success. Sega had created an amazing attention getter. Sonic was the true alternative to Mario. The character was a perfect representation of the 1990s attitude. Outrageous, wild, out of control, in your face, fast paced and colorful, it made Mario look like an ancient relic of the past in my impressionable elementary mind. The choice was clear. I had to get Sonic the Hedgehog. For the first time ever, Mario and Nintendo had a true viable contender to his throne. That Christmas, Sega Genesis sold 65% more units than Nintendo. It was official. Sonic had knocked Mario off of his throne he held for nearly 10 years. A new sheriff was in town and his name was Sonic. It will easily go down as the greatest marketing strategy in the companies history. Of course, the game was fun too.

As soon as I hooked up my Genesis and booted it up I was instantly blown away. The first thing you recognize is that Sonic has a personality. He isn’t just some sprite. I could see his facial expressions as he nearly falls off of a cliff, the determination he has when charging at full speed and his sense of humor as he gets angry at you for not getting a move on already and his surprise when he gets struck by an enemy. I got a sense of accomplishment and thrill at besting Dr. Robotnik on the first stage and watching him race away in fear. I felt like I was playing as a bad ass and could instantly get a sense of their characters without one word of dialogue or background story being spoken. I only made it to the second Zone on my first play through, but I still remember it vividly to this day. I played the game all day for hours on end. Everything in the game just came together. Green Hill Zone was a fun romp to introduce you to the world of Sonic. The lush backgrounds, the beautiful music and gorgeous backdrop were placed to give you a sense that “Yes, this is what you are fighting for.” Marble Zone the music gets a bit more dramatic, the stages a bit more challenging before changing gears with Spring Yard Zone and the dreaded Labyrinth Zone, a perfectly named stage that many gamers finally get stuck on thanks to it’s difficulty and somewhat confusing layout. If you can manage to clear that the game brings you Star Light Zone. A peaceful calm setting with beautiful relaxing music to reward you for getting this far. This was also the game’s way of relaxing you before the final stretch, the Scrap Yard with another music track that invokes the feeling of “Hey, this is the end, don’t give up!” Every aspect of game design came together beautifully and after much practice I was finally able to best Dr. Robotnik and he was finally mine. …..Or so I thought and he just flew off again and I was sad and disappointed. But hey, Sonic saved the world for his little forest friends and everything would be ok, at least for now. Sadly, I never could get all of the Chaos Emeralds in that game. The images of Dr. Robotnik taunting me at the end with the remaining ones he had irritated me to this day. I would spend the next year or so beating the game and trying my damnedest to destroy that damn Robotnik at the end and prevent him from getting away but to no avail.

The first of many, many and I do mean many battles with the Doc

Suffice to say, this was my introduction to Sonic the Hedgehog and I became an instant fan. I finally had found a game that made me realize I really did love to play videogames and this was up to that point my clear favorite and still remains a game I play off and on regularly throughout the years. I became a Sonic fan boy.

Next Time: In Chapter 2 we revisit 1992 where the best just got better and I determined that all I needed in life were 3 things. God, family and Sonic the Hedgehog.

And thus did many used game retailers clutch their stomachs and laugh heartily at Sega's empty threats.

Every Fall Sony Has a Dumb Idea.

2010-09-17T20:45:00.006-05:00

2008

2009

2010

JRPGs are a slave to anime and I want no moe.

2010-09-16T15:50:00.012-05:00

JRPGs and Prince have something in common. They both party like it’s 1999. For the past 10 years now JRPGs have grown into a period of stagnation where no new fresh ideas are flowing down the pipes and creativity and originality are simply a stalwart of the 1990s and were promptly left behind along with flannel shirts. Their popularity and influence in the industry continue to wane further and further. The reason for this is quite simple. JRPGs have become a slave to anime, they have no idea where to innovate and most important of all, they no longer let the player assume a role, which is the core idea behind an RPG to begin with. JRPGs are instead excessively lengthy films with a pointless minigame or two tossed in.

Now JRPGs have always had a somewhat close relationship with anime, but never before in the history of the genre have the two just been so closely connected. Its also not that I have some seething hatred with anime in particular either. It’s just that ever since Final Fantasy VII literally took the world by storm which was obviously the most anime inspired FF game to date, JRPGs have been stuck within a bubble of Japanese pop culture from which it can’t escape. Nearly every main character of a JRPG today is some effeminate moe zippers and hairspray pretty boy who looks like he just came off the set of a music video. He is often accompanied by other anime archetypes as well. Cute traditional Japanese looking Mary Sue? Check. Pretty boy hot guy with glasses? Check. Cute lolicon/catgirl? Check. Emo pretty boy warrior who is the strongest in the land? Check. “Sexy” older and more mature mysterious girl with a large rack? Check. Cute animal thing with a squeaky voice? Double check. Nearly every JRPG in the last 10 years now have had those sort of silly redundant stereotypes. Mixing and matching the settings and locales won’t alter this fact. Be it Tales of Whatever in a medieval setting or Xenobabble in space, or even Wild Arms in what I guess is supposed to be some warped vision of what the Wild West is supposed to be, all of these games mix and match all of these stereotypical archetypes we’ve been seeing in anime since the early 90s. While RPGs have been known to have clichés in the past, it’s abundantly clear that nearly every single RPG these days contain cookie cutter one dimensional characters you’ve seen before.

Can’t sell plushies on J-List without one of these things in your game.

That’s not to say that JRPGs haven’t tried to innovate….the problem is that they have no clue as to where the innovation should be begin. Giving a car with a bad fuel pump a fresh coat of paint doesn’t help it run any better. The real areas JRPGs need innovation in aren’t being addressed. Instead we are constantly bombarded with crazy nonsense battle systems and confusing menus and dumb mini games. Nowhere is this more evident than in Resonance of Fate. It takes the average player nearly five hours just to grasp the basics of that game’s combat system. Meanwhile the plot literally goes nowhere as the character’s names aren’t even given any introduction much less any back story as to who they are or where they came from. Placing the game in a steam punk setting doesn’t cover up the inherent clichéd mess of a plot and boring characters and overly complex battle systems doesn’t give the game any more originality than other JRPGs. Final Fantasy for all of it’s attempts at trying to innovate has made progress in some areas but not enough in the key areas. Sure, Final Fantasy 8, 10 and 13 have all made attempts at innovation, however FF12 was the most innovative FF game in the past ten years simply because it knew where to innovate. It took key lessons from western RPGs and incorporated them into traditional Final Fantasy, but even that game had an identity crisis. That ugly anime influence crept into the game as a main character in Vaan was hastily inserted into a plot that really had little to do with him. It was clear Square-Enix was afraid to lose sales if an effeminate male didn’t play the lead. They were afraid to leave from their protective bubble. They are a slave to anime.

The by-products of focus tested schlock.

The only real JRPG series that has managed to thrive and retain it’s credibility over the years and stay fresh and interesting is Shin Megami Tensei. Now, of course this would seem instantly contradictory given the heavy Japanese influence of these games, namely the Persona games, but there is a bit of a difference. SMT has anime influences, but just like older JRPGs of the past, they aren’t a slave to it. They aren’t bound by familiar stereotypes or appearances. The characters are usually multifaceted in Persona and have realistic personalities. They learn and grow through life experience. SMT overall has managed to stay fresh by not being afraid to try something different. Even the latest in the franchise Strange Journey has deviated from its Japanese cultural roots and taken a nod to American Sci-Fi films and nearly all of the cast is American.

However the one thing that sets those apart and this is the biggest reason JRPGs simply aren’t as fun anymore; no longer do you play a role. Essentially role playing games are supposed to be that. You assume a role and from there the story around you unfolds, you are a part of the story and your choices directly influence it. Developers went through painstaking lengths to try to create this illusion with the limited technology they had in the old days, but fundamentally JRPGs have actually regressed somewhat regarding this. Far too often in JRPGs (and this is my biggest complaint with FF13), is that the player does not assume the role of that character and instead simply moving that character from one plot point to the next. No choices can be made that actually affect the outcome of the plot, they’re simply there along for the ride. At best the player is a fight choreographer for a movie. Shin Megami Tensei sets itself apart by still giving the player control of not just how they build their player, but the choices that character makes. In some games major choices can even effect who will become your allies, or your enemies. It’s this feeling of being in control, feeling as if you yourself take an active role in the events unfolding that helps you better connect with the plot and retain interest.

JRPGs are stuck in a rut, creatively. However, that doesn’t have to be the case. If they wouldn’t be afraid to step out of the anime cliché bubble for once and focus on the basics of what an RPG is designed to do, rather than focus on silly overbearing combat systems that serve no real purpose in extending the vested interest of the player, this genre would be a lot better off. And no, no amount of online or social networking will change that Square-Enix. Atlus seems to be on a lone boat sailing away from the trappings of what is expected out of an RPG in the land of the rising sun. I oblige other companies over there to do the same.

Is the world...

2010-09-04T22:35:00.000-05:00

....not utterly sick of this Chitlin Circuit bullshit yet?

More like, why did Tyler Perry make another fucking movie? Seriously, go away. I wish I could write the same bullshit year after year and get paid millions to do it.

Guitar Zero

2010-08-23T18:42:00.012-05:00

Activision sucks. There, now that I've gotten the thesis for this blog out of the way I can get down to brass tacks because I don't particularly feel I have to really do a historical run down of all the asinine money grubbing, industry killing decisions they've made over the past year to add validity to my statement. The proof is in the pudding. However, their latest game is clearly yet another in the long line of stupid ideas that only Activision can produce.

Yes, this is yet another musically inclined game in a long list of them stemming from a franchise that has been milked to death so badly over the past few years that has even Megaman green with envy. Due to this fact, Activision has noticed poor sales of the franchise and has addressed the issue by ~~giving this franchise a rest until some new fresh ideas can be made~~ creating yet another tacked on silly gimmick in a sad, pathetic attempt to disguise the fact that this is essentially the same game you bought last year, and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that even, which was at least at a point when you still gave a shit....but I digress.

No, in this game you're pretty much doing the exact same thing as before, except this time there's a Quest Mode. Yes, hosted by Gene Simmons (who I'm sure they shelled out a ton of cash for in lieu of using it for something constructive, like appeasing Infinity Ward), your task is to use the power of music to where the band members are attempting to release the "Demi God of Rock from control from an evil force which culminates in a Rush concert that finally destroys the evil beast or something of that nature. Yes, someone was paid to drum up this nonsense. Basically its the same game you've played before, with lesser known songs, no actual musicians and plot that Tim Schaefer left off the cutting room floor when Activision dropped the idea for Brutal Legend. But you can transform into Final Fantasy summons with bad haircuts, so it's fair trade off really.

This guy is like the Avenged Sevenfold to L.Raptor's Iron Maiden

But let's be real here, this yet another egregious example of Activision's clueless corporate mentality and greed. Instead of looking at the poor sales of past games and deciding that perhaps poor sales are a result of the oversaturation of the product over the past few years, they instead dissolve the development teams that made the franchise what it is in the first place, effectively chopping the nuts off of the series and feeding it to the consumer. It's what essentially happened with Tony Hawk, Call of Duty and now it looks like the same thing will happen to Guitar Hero. Quite frankly, I'm glad. Activision needs to die a horrible death. Their tacky business model stifles creativity, rips off the consumer and is a healthy contributor to everything bad about the gaming industry.

Have ya got what it takes, Pilgrim?

2010-08-18T20:25:00.006-05:00

It’s Scott Pilgrim vs.…..The World. Well, maybe not the world exactly, but pretty much the entire town of Toronto is looking to kick your ass for whatever reason including the love of your life Ramona’s seven evil ex boyfriends and you must defeat them all to win her heart. Based on the comic book series of the same name, Scott Pilgrim won’t win any awards for original plotline or story, but it isn’t meant to. It’s a brilliant send up of old arcade style beat ‘em ups and it oozes with style.
The developers did an amazing job with making the game look old school, yet retain a fresh contemporary graphical look. It’s presented in glorious 2D and does a fantastic job of recreating the images from the comic. Character animations are fluid and varied, each has a distinct style and flair and levels are all varied with different locales or introducing new enemies to fight. The game never feels dull or repetitive, constantly providing something new in each area and the music is done in a very fun retro style that is extremely catchy and noticeable. It’s honestly a shame videogames don’t really do these kinds of fun upbeat soundtracks anymore. And of course, part of the fun is noticing all of the humorous references to old videogames from the 80s and early 90s. Some are obvious like the Super Mario Bros. style world map, others are a bit more obscure, such as the guys who wear Tom Guycot masks from The Clash at Demonhead. No doubt anyone who grew up in this era playing these styles of games will no doubt have a fun chuckle or two at some of these references.

While it would be easy to call this game “River City Ransom HD” and leave the gameplay portion of this review at that, it would do the game itself a bit of a disservice. While indeed heavily inspired by beat ‘em up games like RCR, Scott Pilgrim forges an identity all on its own. Play control is tight and responsive and the almost RPG like statistics and level building should keep things from getting too uninteresting as you play. Levels themselves don’t really do much besides giving you new moves to perform in combat; the real way to strengthen characters is to earn money from enemies and spend them on food or items at various shops to increase your statistics. Given the difficulty of the game this is something that is essentially mandatory. Even veterans of the beat ‘em up style of game will find this one to be fairly challenging otherwise. While the game is a bit on the difficult side, the game at least plays pretty fair. At anytime from the city map levels can be replayed over and over as many times as necessary to earn enough money to increase statistics or extra lives to make a run at some of the later stages. This game was designed very much with multiplayer in mind and anyone seeking to complete a solo run of the game will find it somewhat difficult.

But therein lies the one huge problem of the game. While there is multiplayer, there’s no online multiplayer. Sadly, this is an old school quirk of the game that could and should have been left in the 90s. The biggest joy to be had from these styles of games is to have 3 other friends to help you kick butt all about town and unless you have some buddies to call up and come over your house that’s simply not going to happen.

That’s not to say Scott Pilgrim isn’t worth a purchase. While the game can be beaten in a relatively short time frame, it’s game that not only should be played more than once, it demands it. Each of four selectable characters has their own stats and levels and each plays slightly different than the other. While it’s true there isn’t much post game stuff to get excited about the game itself provides more than enough fun to warrant at least a second play through. At a mere 10 dollars any old school gamer worth his salt would find more than enough reasons to get the game despite the lack of online.

PS (N)One.

2010-08-03T19:00:00.002-05:00

Unlike all of the thoughtful, poignant stuff I usually have been writing about....or trying to write about at least, this time I'm just gonna complain. Yup, its just time for me to gripe. And the direction from which I spew forth my venomous rage comes straight towards Sony. That's right, you guys and your utterly sorry collection of crap games for download off of the Playstation Network. Thank God Virtual Console isn't the embarrassing joke PS One Classics are. But you know, the Japanese PSN store has a bigger selection and much better games. Here's a few of the highlights we have yet to receive...

Alundra

Ape Escape

Arc the Lad

Baroque

Bomberman Land

Brave Fencer Musashi

Brigandine

Bushido Blade 1 and 2

Dead or Alive

Ehrgeiz

Einhander

Final Fantasy Origins

Front Mission 3

Guilty Gear

Intelligent Qube

Jade Cocoon

King of Fighters

Last Blade

Metal Slug X

Real Bout Fatal Fury

Samurai Showdown

Threads of Fate

Vagrant Story

Xenogears

You have no excuse Sony. They have a grudge and a bone to pick with the rest of the world, and it is clear. If the masters at Sony DO happen to toss a scrap or two to us dogs it'll be in some cases two whole years after the Japanese already got it. Like with the Wild Arms games and I think there's a rumor going around that they're going to release Xenogears in America....maybe.

I only listed games that were already released in English, much less the awesome games Japan has on their store that sadly never came to our shores because of Sony's idiotic policy regarding 2D games years ago. But come on guys, these were already in English! Someone really hates us. What’s worse is that when we do get something, for example, Grandia, like I said it literally takes years for it to reach us than it does Japan. If Japan gets something we get first, it most likely takes barely a month. One of the most ridiculous examples of this is how it took the original Metal Gear Solid over a year to reach our shores when Metal Gear is more popular in US than in Japan. This is very frustrating stuff. Now an important thing to bear in mind is to remember is that I only listed games that were Japanese exclusives which also got initial US releases. I have not included all of the Japanese games that never made it to our shores, which I don’t fault Sony for, but in terms of volume and quality they have us beat hands down. Most of the few “exclusives” we get in America was shovelware crap that wasn’t very good even when it first released much less now. In any case, there are still tons of great games that haven’t gotten releases at all, from either side of the Pacific. This then is my call to Sony to get these games on PSN now! This is my top 5 games that aren’t on PSN but should be.

5. Tomba: One of the best and most inventive 2D platformers like, ever. Definitely a rare gem that didn’t get the respect it deserved and a game I would love to play on the go.

4. Chrono Cross: The fantastic sequel to Chrono Trigger with an incredibly unique battle system and one of the best musical scores of all time. Yeah, the ending sucked but the rest of the game was gold.

3. Klonoa: See Tomba.

2. Persona 2: Okay, this is one of the greatest RPGs of its era. Now that the Shin Megami Tensei games have gained a bit of a following it’s time to at least give this a PSN rerelease. Unlike P1, this game actually has aged very well and displays many of the concepts that carried over to other great RPGs like P3 and P4.

And my number one game that isn’t on PSN but should be is….

Suikoden II: Seriously, guys. People are waiting. If you ask people what the greatest Playstation game of all time is, this game almost always shows up somewhere high on that list and for good reason. Sadly, not many gamers know about it as it got a very, very limited release and goes for upwards of 200 dollars on Ebay. So do the gaming world a favor and put this on PSN already! Many gamers got the chance to experience the first Suikoden for the first time now let them carry over their data into the vastly superior sequel. Suikoden II isn’t just one of the greatest PSX RPGs of all time it’s one of the greatest RPGs of all time, period.

You now have work to do Sony. Get busy.

Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker Review

2010-07-16T15:23:00.008-05:00

Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker is like a delicious casserole crafted from the finest ingredients every game in the series up to this point has to offer while at the same time trimming the excess, unhealthy fat from the product. The end result is arguably the most polished Metal Gear game to date.

While the Metal Gear series was never particularly bad, there were always a few nagging issues that kept each game from being as good as they could be, particularly in the area of control schematic. Metal Gear Solid 4 completely revamped the play control style to reflect contemporary action games and the game play felt far more natural as a result. Unfortunately for Metal Gear Solid 4, the game still had that “interactive movie” feel that most of its critics site as a reason for why they don’t like it. The first PSP outing, Portable Ops had the right mindset in theory; less talk, more action, however it failed to execute as most of the gameplay concepts just didn’t work as intended. Peace Walker manages to mend the problem plaguing both games. The camera is much more user friendly. Enemy recruitment is much less cumbersome. Instead of dragging them to the truck, simply attach a Fulton balloon and they're on their way. Gone are the lengthy cutscenes. Instead of one long mission, Peace Walker is instead broken up into short, mini missions, while radio conversations and cutscenes are mercifully kept to a minimum during the mission so the player can focus on the gameplay. For those who don’t mind hearing a lot of backstory and enjoy the rich world of Metal Gear, there are briefing files before each mission that discuss the plot in detail, or reveal a bit more backstory regarding the characters and events taking place. Like Portable Ops, cutscenes are handled via comic book style visuals by Ashley Wood and they look much like the Digital Graphic Novels of the series. Most of them have interactive moments that involve the player to press the right button or make the right decision at the proper time. Such interactivity is not only welcomed, but adds a bit to replayability as sometimes failing at a juncture can produce slightly different changes in the storyline. Metal Gear Solid as a series has often been praised for well developed and intriguing plots and Peace Walker is no exception. The game further serves to bridge the gap between the original Metal Gear and its prequel, Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater. For all intents and purposes, the game is a direct sequel set ten years after the events of Snake Eater, ignoring most of what took place in the first sequel starring Big Boss, Portable Ops. As with most games in the franchise, playing the previous Metal Gear installments are not particularly required for enjoyment of the plot, but it is much preferred as it helps to have a background on some of what has happened prior to the events of the game. Peace Walker makes no effort to catch new players up to speed on what’s taken place in the Metal Gear universe. This game was written with already established fans in mind.

The gameplay was designed with already established fans in mind as well. Players new to the series, or even players who played the previous games on easier modes will be in for a rude awakening with Peace Walker. There are no difficulty settings and this game features some of the toughest boss battles in the series history. While this may seem a bit off putting, this game provides more options and tactical approaches than any game that has come before it. Literally every weapon and item from past games makes an appearance here, plus a few more. Different camouflage designs and set ups can be utilized. Choose camo that has an all around percentage of blending in, or one that is well suited to a specific area? Choose an indoor suit designed for optimum stealth or one designed for battle and protection? Literally the levels are designed in such a way that players who favor run and gun tactics over traditional stealth can enjoy equals amount of success. That’s not to say emphasis is not placed on stealth. Peace Walker is brilliant in that while it doesn’t punish run and gun tactics and being discovered as much as previous games, it does however reward stealth much more than previous games. Given all of the new stealth options at the player's disposal, it's honestly more fun to use non lethal ways to dispatch. CQC has been improved to allow players to take out multiple enemies at once provided they are in proximity. Attacks can be stringed together to take out at least three at once and soldiers can now be thrown into objects or against other enemies. Many times taking out a group of enemies with CQC is faster than simply gunning them down. Not being seen and dispatching enemies non lethally not only raises your score at the end of each mission but enemy recruitment is a vital part of success. Dispatching enemies using lethal means not only runs you the risk of killing them, but most captures will display hostility towards your crew and not join automatically. So be a nice guy, it helps.

Capturing soldiers is not only fun, but vital to the management of your home base. Snake is not the only one who is available to take on missions. Often times, the soldiers recruited will have to take up the call to arms and in many missions Snake isn’t even available. Almost RPG like in it’s management; your home base has a variety of areas to which your recruits can be assigned. Each soldier has a variety of statistics that show which areas he/she excels. They can be assigned to a duty they must perform to help the base grow. Helping the base grow in turn increases productivity and your base can provide items and new forms of weaponry for use in the field. Other soldiers can be deployed to various regions around the world to gain battle experience in strategic engagements. How many soldiers that are captured and how well they are utilized can make the game significantly easier to complete. New to the Metal Gear franchise, missions can now be played with a buddy at your side. While most boss battles when played solo represent an enormous challenge, most of them can be played with up to 3 other players. Should an ally fall in battle simply charging over to the body and spending a few seconds to revive them basically ensures that no one will fail at any juncture and almost makes boss battles too easy. Most missions can be played with at least one other person, but they aren’t all that particularly challenging to begin with, and most veteran Metal Gear players might get more challenge out of simply just going it solo. While fun, Co-op gameplay is wholly unnecessary and it’s just as well; the game doesn’t support infrastructure and instead utilizes Ad-Hoc. So unless you own a PS3 and Ad-Hoc Party you may not be getting a whole lot of multiplayer in at all.

Multiplayer issues aside, this represents not just arguably the best Metal Gear game to date, but one of the best PSP games to date, if not the best. This is definitely a must have for any Metal Gear fan or fan of action games in general. If this is the final Metal Gear Hideo Kojima plans to personally produce, this then is quite the swan song.

What did Xbox 360 owners do to deserve this?

2010-07-16T11:46:00.004-05:00

Seriously, what in the hell EA? It's not like you guys design the most original covers in the world anyway, the least you could do is put up a picture of Tim Tebow that doesn't look like he has to go to the bathroom/having a fit of roid rage with some winshield wiper fluid and confetti splashing on him in the background. I'm not sure where this ranks in the pantheon of bad game covers but it definitely is up there.

This 4th of July, Respect the Guile.

2010-07-03T19:41:00.007-05:00

If there is any real true American patriot out there, it’s Guile ladies and gentlemen. Respect the Guile. Honor the Guile. Guile is more awesome than you could ever possibly imagine. Seriously, the guy has a freakin American flag tattooed on his arm. If that doesn’t scream “patriotic bad ass” I don’t know what does.

Not only that he can rock the camo in just about any color, even pink. Yes, he’s bad ass even in a pink camo uniform because of the way he simply destroys his opponents. Ken, Ryu, Zangief, Chun Li. They all fall victim to the Flash Kick. Flash Kick has priority over all. Shoryuken? Flash Kick. Spinning Bird Kick? Flash Kick. Spinning Pile Driver? Flash Kick. It is the answer to all of life’s problems. Flash Kick can cure cancer and stop world hunger.

But enough about the amazing Flash Kick. Let us not forget the hairdo. The epic hairdo that only the Guile can pull off. Never does he allow it to be molested or tampered with in anyway. The hairdo is always in a constant perpetual state of perfection. Never does Guile allow the hairdo to succumb to any flaws.
I can already feel you laughing. But you fools have no idea. You have no clue as to the power that Guile possesses. You see Guile only unleashes a smidgen of his power because most times that is all he needs. But when he needs to truly unleash his unfettered wrath and fury; he utters two words that make the Gods tremble.

SONIC BOOM.

That’s right. The mighty earth itself is shattered when the Sonic Boom is unleashed, destroying all who dare step into it’s path of destruction. Losers like that naked Pepsiman Seth try to emulate the Sonic Boom; a pretender in a feeble attempt to usurp Guile’s throne. No, you fools have no idea of the true power of Sonic Boom. Only one who is worthy such as Guile can attempt such a maneuver.
But do not worry, for Guile is on America’s side. He fights for truth, justice and the American way. I feel comfortable at night knowing that Guile is ever vigilant, protecting our nation at home and abroad. Evildoers beware when Guile brings his force of Captain America and Ken Masters. Such a trio of jingoistic American awesomeness can barely be contained. When the power of the Shin Shoryuken, Final Justice and Flash Kick mesh into one massive attack of United States patriotism, often times the arcade machines and consoles explode, unable to contain the power within. I’m glad they’re on my side. So for this 4th of July, respect our hero Guile and try your best to even amount to a fraction of his complete awesomeness.

Videogames are art and have always been.

2010-07-02T12:47:00.003-05:00

So Roger Ebert has finally confessed that games may be considered art, eh? That’s not surprising at all. Game design itself, is a form of art and expression. The definition of art is thus according to Encyclopedia Brittanica: "the use of skill and imagination in the creation of aesthetic objects, environments, or experiences that can be shared with others." This can be achieved in many forms whether it be in writing, sculpting, painting, movie making, game design. Creating games is no more different of a form of expression than any other medium. Instead of canvases, they have consoles. Art is anything that is created by an individual, regardless of the medium used. Art does not have to conform to a particular idea or even have to tell any sort of traditional story with characters and a plot. Many paintings don’t tell any story in any traditional sense, yet they are conveying the painters feelings and those feelings emerge from the painting and are expressed to the viewer. Game design often achieves the same effect when a game is played.

Game design is like a fingerprint. Most of the prominent game designers have a stamp on their games where the player can say “this game was made by this person.“ Because game designers, just like anything that is created, often draw upon things they enjoy in real life and transfer that feeling and emotion into their games. It’s very easy to tell a Sakaguchi designed Final Fantasy from that of the contemporary ones designed by Nomura/Kitase. Even guys like Tomonobu Itagaki leave some sort of a fingerprint so to speak. For as much as we roll our eyes and say things like, “Oh God, Team Ninja and their boobs”, there’s an element there where we recognize his stamp on his games. Shigeru Miyamoto has stated on several occasions that many of his inspiration for videogames comes from his childhood. He mentions growing up in Japan and playing in the fields, wondering what was underneath a large rock or inside a large cave. Thorough his game design he transfers those feelings he has a child onto his games. In his game creation he tries to convey that same feeling he had as a child, the sense of wonder and exploration and discovery into his games. Hideo Kojima always has a commentary on philosophy and how he views human interactions and relationships in the world. Joke about Metal Gear Solid 2’s plot all you want, (and honestly, it was pretty out there) but the game had some very interesting commentaries on society as a whole. All of his games attempt to convey this emotion he tries to express, only his other works achieve this in a much more subtle and graceful fashion, not resorting to a proverbial swift kick to the nads to make sure you got the point. David Jaffe’s fingerprint is all over God of War. He has stated on many numerous occasions that game design for him is a way to lash out and vent his frustrations. God of War is likely the ultimate expression of that. His anger, his hate and frustrations with life’s issues all live vicariously in the form of Kratos. For all the God of War bashing I do and as much as I simply do not like those games very much, I will concede that with every eyeball gouged, every harpy wing ripped and every minotaur throat skewered, Jaffe achieves his idea of venting frustration and transferring that visceral emotion of simply just wanting to kick the crap out of everyone that we sometimes get perfectly. Koji Igarashi’s Castlevania games all find that artistic way of finding beauty within chaos. Sure you’re maiming and killing hideous monsters within a queer and grotesque castle, but it’s always done with a Phantom of the Opera-esque sense of beauty and style. The game looks and sounds beautiful while you’re doing it.

Ever since the days of Pong, game design has always represented a form of expression. Games have always been a form of art. Just like any other medium, those ideas can be better expressed with the improvements of technology. No one contests that the early silent films of at the turn of the century have no less artistic merit than say, American Beauty. No one would dare be foolish enough to argue that Casablanca is any less artistic of a film than No Country for Old Men. High value production stage plays on Broadway hold the same artistic value as anything Shakespeare wrote in the Globe Theater. The poetry of John Updike typed on a typewriter is taught in schools alongside poetry written by Robert Browning likely written with ink and paper underneath a candle light. No one contests that it isn’t art. Ever since Miyamoto created Super Mario Bros. he has tried to capture his vision of childlike innocence and wonder. Kojima has always tried to make some sort of social commentary; the very idea of Metal Gear, use your brain and only use violence as a last resort is often expressed in most of his games. David Jaffe has had a bone to pick with life ever since he decided shooting rockets with a mad clown truck was awesome and a great way to vent after a bad day. Castlevania has always had a sense of making normally grotesque things have a sense of beauty and refinement and of course Itagaki has left his….off beat style in his games ever since the first boob bounced in the original Dead or Alive.

Games are art. It’s often a debated subject that apparently still rages to this day, but honestly, this discussion should never even had taken place to begin with. Games have always been art. From the day Ralph Baer created his “Brown Box” he was creating art. Gaming has been and will continue to be a form of art and expression and deserves as much respect as any other form of media.

What's the story?

2010-06-29T22:07:00.011-05:00

I will contend that videogame writing is probably as difficult as other mediums to write for. In some ways moreso. Now I’m not saying that videogame writers are on any level of writing skill such as those of William Shakespeare or other classic literary writers, no, however I think that writing a story, well a good story for a videogame requires more skill and knowledge than one would think. It’s very simple and easy to craft a scenario for a videogame; but it is vastly more difficult to successfully execute that scenario and evoke the intended emotions and responses than books or film would. Videogames have an element that those other forms of media simply do not have. It is from that where it becomes more difficult. Videogames have an element of interaction that is simply not present in other forms of storytelling. In videogames, the player becomes the character. We assume the role of that person. We are not simply onlookers of the events unfolding, we allow the events to unfold itself. That is why it’s difficult for story writers to craft good videogame stories that stick with us. The ever present challenge is finding the balance. Allow the player to dictate the story so that we feel as if the world is alive and that we can mold and shape it and feel part of it and not realize we are simply moving along a set path that an invisible puppeteer is subtly leading us, yet at the same time not throwing us out there into a vast, soulless world completely devoid of any structure so much to the point that plot is nearly nonexistent, giving the player little reason to care.

"Oh God, why couldn't I just work at Team Ninja? They don't bother with this story business.

More than ever, technology has allowed for more interaction and larger, more complex tales. After all, it’s hard to find any game that has little reliance on story, even simple platformers such as Super Mario. Yet a lot of these stories don’t resonate as well with people as some of the games that many fans consider classics. A good example is the often debated JRPG genre. Many contend that the reason JRPGs aren’t fun anymore is because they have become stagnant; that they lack fresh ideas. However, fans continue to flock to The Legend of Zelda every time despite knowing how the story will unfold. Technology has allowed for larger stories, with voice acting to convey emotion on the screen yet the Final Fantasy debate rages on to this day about which one is better; many debate the old 16 bit games are the best ever and swear by them despite new technology allowing for more advanced forms of story. The answer for this contrast is that all great game writers know how to best evoke emotion or a response out of a player within the context of game design irregardless of the technology available.

Want to know why many fans staunchly stand by the Final Fantasies of old? It’s the simple fact that they knew how to best evoke an emotion from the player. For all it’s simplicity, FF4 garners more respect among most gamers than say, FF13 because of this fact. Cecil didn’t simply become a Paladin via a cutscene, that task was delineated unto the player. The player had to discover for themselves the way to become a Paladin through brilliant game design. As a result, the emotion that Cecil elicits mirrors that of the player and we are able to connect with him more as a result. Its why many fans still jerk a tear at seeing Celes hurl herself off of a cliff despite being a pixilated sprite and not a detailed 3D model. Because the player worked to keep Cid alive. We had to actually fetch the fish ourselves. What served as a seemingly pointless minigame was actually used as an effective tool for storytelling that simply adding a cutscene wouldn’t have achieved. The Legend of Zelda continues to resonate with gamers despite recurring themes in every game; despite the fact that Link is a mute and none of the characters are able to deliver voice over’s to help convey the emotion. The game evokes the proper emotion of making you, the player feel like a legendary hero. The reason why people flock to games like Ocarina of Time and call it the greatest Zelda ever is in its realization that the best and most endearing videogame moments are the ones you do yourself. Link simply doesn’t just open the treasure chest, a sense of wonder and amazement is created as the music beautifully mimics the actions on screen and the glow of the chest and the gaze upon Link’s face as he slowly opens it up to reveal the contents inside before finally holding the item on high makes us feel as though we discovered something truly special. It’s why we feel more like a legendary hero when we get to the final area and save Hyrule. We led the princess to safety out of the castle. We defeated Ganon. Not the cutscene. Zelda games won’t win any awards for originality, but when it comes to evoking emotion within the player, they’re often masterpieces and its why Shigeru Miyamoto is such a well respected game designer. He understands and has always understood this fundamental concept of game design.

This is why Hideo Kojima is a well respected game designer and the Metal Gear franchise has the most die hard, loyal fans out of any stealth action game. Hideo Kojima is a master at evoking emotion within the player. We as players connect with Snake more than most videogame characters despite not even knowing his full real name or background. We experience key moments as Snake because we actually get to play those key character defining moments and the characters’ reactions to them. Liquid reminds Snake of the amount of men he’s killed at the end of his mission in MGS1 and it’s true. He’s also in turn reminding the player of the amount of men that’s been murdered and both Snake and the player each have an epiphany and realize they hadn’t really thought of it that way until now. It’s why the player is called upon to shoot The Boss instead of simply letting a cutscene handle it. It’s why the player is forced to mash the hell out of the buttons when Snake is crawling through the microwave tunnel at the end of part 4. These are all reasons we as players connect and understand Snake as a character far more than some bio or flashback cutscene telling us of his background could achieve.

Why can't more people get it like these guys do?

While technology has advanced videogames forward and allowed us more interactivity than ever before, sadly, the ways to effectively craft a meaningful, memorable tale using these new options has not. Many FPS games capture the intensity of being on a battlefield, but little else. They capture sounds and explosions and environments, but not the important stuff. They fail to capture any sense of loss. Often times your storyline buddies can’t die until the game dictates it. There’s never a moment of downtime in between the battles to take any of it in, to learn about the people you battle with, or to dread the next onslaught. Some games such as Heavy Rain have managed to merge technology with effective storytelling. Heavy Rain achieves suspense far more effectively than jump out scare games like Resident Evil ever could. The designers force the player to cut their finger off themselves rather than let a scene play out. There are real consequences to the player’s actions and when they die, it wasn’t the fact that they may have pressed the wrong button at the wrong time that bothers them, its more the fact that they made an error in judgment, the ultimate error resulting in death that has consequences that the player is forced to reflect upon. The story simply doesn’t end and allow the player to forget the erroneous decision. No. The player got that character killed and the story is now altered because of it. The player is forced to reflect and not pretend it didn’t happen and simply “reload.”

Videogames are the toughest style of storytelling there is. Not many have the ability to do it effectively, so my hats off to those game designers out there who have taken the time to truly make attempts to mesh technology with storytelling and make videogames a respectable means of storytelling comparable to books or film. I truly believe they can in their own way inspire us, make us cry, make us feel joy and enlighten us in ways that books or film simply cannot achieve.

Why Nintendo wins not just E3, but the industry itself.

2010-06-18T16:47:00.004-05:00

To tell the truth, I hate this console generation. I really do. Never in my life have I felt so apathetic toward videogames. I’m not sure if that was due to just my own personal issues in life. And yes, while real life issues may have been somewhat the cause of it, I couldn’t help but feel as if there was perhaps something wrong with the industry itself. I saw no clear winner in the “console wars” in fact I couldn’t care less about dumb console wars, never have. It was all just laughable pointless bickering amongst fan boys each pimping their own merits of the console they bought failing to see any of its weaknesses or just flat refusing to accept them all together. They all sucked to me. They each had their problems and I just hated the direction the entire industry was going.

Until E3 this year.

E3 this year gave me a sense that maybe videogames aren’t moving in such a bad direction after all. Sadly, the only ones I saw an indication of good things to come from this year was Nintendo. But at least someone gets it. To tell truth, Nintendo has always gotten it for the most part. The only difference is that now, they’ve finally got some results to go along with their vision. Initially, back in 2006 I was contemplating on which console I should get first and my initial knee jerk reaction was to support the Wii. After a few months my interest waned. While Nintendo had the right mindset, sadly the industry wasn’t on board or catching up to them quite yet. My biggest problem with the Wii was that the only ones who cared about making products for it were Nintendo themselves. Everyone else saw its technology as nothing but a gimmick and dump their shovel ware titles and flood the system with it, not bothering to take care or interest in the design of the game itself. Nintendo sees the technology as more than a gimmick but rather a useful tool with which to design a good game around. The technology supports the game, not the game supporting the technology and that is the difference to me. However at this years E3 I finally got the sense from other developers in the industry that they too finally understand this concept. In short, the Wii has become more appealing to me because it finally looks to have some quality variety.

All of the greatest consoles in the short history of the industry have all had variety in games. That is the number 1 reason a console is successful. Nintendo showed me that they understand this concept. Emphasis was not placed on gimmickry, but rather on showcasing a variety of games that people want to play. The Super Nintendo, Playstation 1, the original NES, all of these had the most variety of good games for everyone’s tastes. That’s when I realized what I had been irritated with concerning this console generation. The sheer lack of variety games lacked anymore. Contrast the original Playstation with the Playstation 3. When comparing library of good, varied titles it puts the PS3 to shame. Sure the PS3 does hit the mark occasionally (Heavy Rain/Little Big Planet), but more often than not they’re simple rehashes or knock offs of other titles that don’t bother to utilize the power of the PS3 and are instead HD versions of games I already played on PS2. For example, I played about 3 stages of God of War III, realized it was just a goof in clashing red and white paint killing every damn thing on the screen, screaming about Zeus again (except this time its in HD!) and got bored with it.

I eventually settled on a PS3 in early 2008 after holding out for a long time after seeing no real reason to launch to the next generation. I was perfectly fine with my old PS2 and Game Cube. But eventually the fan boyish lure of Metal Gear Solid 4 finally enticed me to make the plunge because I felt it was the first game and still 2 years later one of the only games on that system to utilize the PS3 to its fullest. I chose the PS3 over the other two because I honestly felt it to have the most potential out of the three to deliver a truly next generation experience, and in some cases it does. However more often than not that is simply not the case. Most games don’t utilize the full resolution they’re capable of, Six Axis use is all but ignored, or at worst given applications that don’t have even a modicum of sense or purpose (Ninja Gaiden Sigma’s jiggling boobs comes to mind). PSN is a joke, lame avatars, no cross game chat, constant getting signed out of the network while you’re playing a game, freezing…of course a PS Plus membership might fix all that but screw you you’ve given me little reason to warrant a purchase in the first place.

I hate this console generation because more than ever game companies flat don’t get it. You want to know why Wii is outselling the market consistently? It’s not motion controls you damn fools. It’s the fact that Nintendo puts emphasis on games and product quality. Basically they view games as more important than the other two companies, because that’s all they do. It’s what they specialize in. Its not just another piece of the corporate pie. Now I’m not naïve enough to think that Nintendo isn’t just like any other business and doesn’t care about things like sales figures and marketing, but the difference with them is that that’s not just all they care about. Sony and Microsoft just flat don’t have a freakin’ clue and are painfully attempting to mimic the success of Nintendo rather than focus on their systems own merits. PS3 sadly sees Blu Ray capabilities as not a way to deliver a truly revolutionary game play experience, but rather as a way to sell some movies.

Microsoft was an even unbelievably bigger joke offering absolutely nothing of merit. You know when you open up a press conference showcasing two multiplatform games you know haven’t got anything to deliver but shit on a plate. Once again they’ve shown that Xbox 360 is almost all about guns and guns and blowing things up and in the case of Gears of War manages to fail on that front more than anything the PS3 has to offer with Killzone or Resistance. How fitting they end with the biggest joke of all the Kinect, a piece of hardware costing up to 150 dollars that allows you, yes you to bounce around like an idiot as long as you stand 6 feet away from the TV standing up. You know if you want to stand up and move around I have a better idea that doesn’t cost 150 smackers. It’s called go outside. Walk your dog, shoot some hoops, jog; you know, the old school way to exercise. You fools don’t have a damn clue, you never did and the only thing you’ve ever done is ride the coattails of Sony’s successes and mimic them. You suck and have been more harm than good the industry. Not that Sony is a whole lot better mind you. While on the handheld front, Nintendo delivers the promise of fresh revolutionary technology supported by a plethora of games each with variety, Sony delivers the promise of even more lame ad campaigns telling me about how games are “the bizness” instead of actually focusing on those games. I don’t care if my console does EVERYTHING when it excels at NOTHING. I just want a damn game to play and a variety of them.

But there is perhaps hope on the horizon. For the first time I’m seeing a clear “winner” of these companies. Finally the industry is on board with Nintendo’s vision. Nintendo has always had the right mindset, but needed industry backing to get there. I truly believe still that the PS3 has the capability to shine and deliver, but that’s all it is, potential. Potential never got anything anywhere. Being the most powerful dog in the yard doesn’t make it the best. No one still talks about 3DO despite it being amazing for it’s time after all. I’m holding out hope that Nintendo can make me enjoy the direction video games are headed. They’ve managed to accomplish one thing, they’ve at least made me feel hopeful for the future and that’s more than the other two have managed to accomplish in ten years.

Sony and Microsoft need to get on the ball.

2010-06-16T23:48:00.003-05:00

I just finally watched all of the press conferences and to summarize, basically neither Microsoft or Sony get why Nintendo is getting all of the praise and are making fat profits. It's not stupid motion control gimmicks particularly its the fact that they promote games that people want to play. Games with variety, a little something for everyone. They had optimism, a sense of looking forward to the future.

Sony and Microsoft had guns, guns, and uh....GUNS. Oh and Marcus. Ugh.

Basically I felt that Nintendo is going places and it made me want to own a Wii and definitely a 3DS. For Sony and Microsoft it was just rehashing the same games they've already released or talking about new versions of them with another number tacked on. If it wasn't that it was promoting knock off software that Nintendo had already introduced 4 years ago.

In short, buisness as usual and that's why you two fail.

My crappy day.

2010-06-13T15:24:00.001-05:00

This is nothing more than some random musings I felt the need to share as it was so bizarre I figured I would never experience anything like it again. Well, I hope not anyway. It just goes to show once you think you’ve seen it all in this world, you haven’t. If you’re queasy or sick to the stomach over hearing things that are kind of gross, read no further. Just a warning.

So I work in a local video store and it was a fairly slow morning and I decided to go up into the tape archive in the back where we keep the really old stuff and do some reorganizing/cleaning etc. since every so often a customer will go back there and check it out looking for older stuff. Well, as I was cleaning I couldn’t help but notice a particular odor. I raised my head and made sort of a face as it felt like a fairly distinct smell but I figured maybe it was just me and ignored it and continued my work. As I made my way down the rows making sure everything was in its proper place, that’s when the smell started to become more prominent. I became much more aware at this point and looked around and took a sniff. “What the…?” I thought to myself as the smell I picked up on felt something akin to a gas pipe that had been busted or something. That was my initial thought before I did a bit of poking around and I noticed a few movies had been shuffled out of place more than usual and I walked closer to get a better look. The strange smell had turned to a flat out disgusting stink at this point when I noticed a white paper towel balled up behind the shelf. I stupidly reached for it without thinking before seeing a dried brown turd wrapped up inside of it. It was oddly hot dog shaped and about as large. It took me a split second before I put 2 and 2 together and realized I had just touched a disgusting block of shit and nearly gagged as the disgusting stink had filled my nostrils.

Needless to say I ran to the back and quickly disposed of the paper towel with the offending substance inside and struggled to maintain my gag reflex as I tried to forget about the fact that I just grabbed a ball of shit. Not that I don’t have a strong stomach or anything (I agreed to help load some farm animals for the FFA club in high school as a favor to a friend years ago) but I guess the very idea that someone would be so disgusting as to stash their disgusting poop somewhere in a public place like that just made me wretch. I ended up having to remove every movie from the area and sanitize the damn thing and spray the hell out of it with disinfectant. I then rushed to the city dumpster in the back, threw all of the garbage away and some of the smell still lingered afterwards. The clean up process isn’t even finished yet. The most important thing I want to know is, was this some sort of prank or what? And if so, why in God’s name would you keep a dry turd around with you and stash it somewhere? I just don’t have an answer folks.

The moral of this story? Some people are fucking disgusting and you really have to wonder what their houses look like. How can people be so nasty like that?

Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker First Impressions

2010-06-09T15:24:00.004-05:00

So I’ve logged about roughly 5 hours into Peace Walker and so far I haven’t enjoyed a Metal Gear this much since Snake Eater, in fact this game seems to ignore the oft maligned (and rightly so) Portable Ops and picks up right where Snake Eater left off in terms of story. This time they got the play control down right. At first it seemed a tad bit confusing but now things seem second nature and within about 30 minutes I was sneaking around like a pro. Thankfully Kojima and his team seem to have taken a few lessons they learned from the new play control schematic in MGS4 and applied to Peace Walker, while at the same time addressing some of the more annoying points from that game. Seriously, who ever thought being forced to shoot a ton of Bob-Ombs in Chapter 4 for the whole damn level would be fun should be kicked in the nuts.
However, thanks to the PSPs simplified controller, you can’t do as much in terms of moves and stealth options but the game more than makes up for it with it’s almost RPG like item management component. Assigning members to various positions and outfitting them with various weaponry and gear and training them so they gain experience in target practice modes is extraordinarily fun. Essentially, this is the first real game to capture the Metal Gear experience on the go and its perfect for on the go play as the story is divided up into short, but plentiful missions while the story provides just enough for those who don’t want to get wrapped up in lengthy 30 minute long conversations, but still extensive enough to provide lots of background info for those who want to learn a bit more about the game’s world and characters in the form of briefing files that can be played at any time before the mission. There’s something for everyone here and so far its quickly becoming my favorite PSP game ever.

In other unrelated news, any action movie fan should definitely check out From Paris With Love, I was pleasantly surprised; it’s a good decent action flick that doesn’t try to dazzle with special effects or show copious amounts of blood/sex to get attention. It’s a nice throwback to action films of old with solid pacing and a decent cast. One of Travolta’s better films in a while.

Metal Gear Solid Perfect Walker?!

2010-06-03T11:58:00.000-05:00

Well, about a week away from Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker and I flat out cannot wait. I’ve played through the demo over quite a few times and from what I can tell the game looks uh, solid, no pun intended. But what really has me intrigued is the fact that apparently Famitsu thought well enough of the game to grant it a perfect 40/40 score. That makes Peace Walker only the 14th game and only the 3rd handheld title to garner such an accolade in the magazine’s 20+ year history. That would seem like a remarkable feat, however, a total of eight of those scores came within the past 2 years or so. My question then is, has Famitsu just flat lowered it’s standards or are these games just that good? My personal perspective rests far more closely with the former than the latter. It really started with Nintendogs in 2005. Really Famitsu? A perfect score? So you mean to tell me that its better than classics like Super Mario 64, Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past and Metal Gear Solid 3? Really Famitsu? Let’s take a look at these eight “classics” Famitsu claims to purport are classics since 2008.

1. Super Smash Brothers Brawl: Are you kidding me? This was fun but please. This game was nothing more than fan service masquerading as a fighting game. Calling this a perfect game does a disservice to other fighting games and just flat slaps them in their collective faces.

2. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots: Okay, this one I can’t really argue with too much.

3. 428: Never played it so I can’t comment.

4. Dragon Quest IX: Again, have yet to play it but if Dragon Quest VIII couldn’t make the cut I can only imagine what this game did that was so different.

5. Monster Hunter Tri: Monster Hunter is fun but is it perfect? Hardly.

6. Bayonetta: Again, good game but the plot left a little to be desired to say the least.

7. New Super Mario Bros. Wii: What? But no Super Mario 64? It only revolutionized 3D gaming as we know it today, but who’s counting right?

And finally here we are at Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker. And I would love to believe that the game earned that perfect 40/40 that has eluded many a fantastic game over the years but given the apparent bar being lowered from one of the most respected magazines in Japan over the past few years, it feels so much like a tainted victory to me.

But one thing is for sure, it will be awesome and I can’t wait for June 8th.

Hot Dog Days of Summer.

2010-05-30T08:42:00.002-05:00

So we already had our first 100 degree weather day here where I live and today is supposed to be even hotter than that. I hope some really good games last me throughout the summer because I don't think I plan to step outside much and get baked. Texas is the reason I gave up playing Boktai years ago.

God of Bore.

2010-05-28T14:11:00.001-05:00

You know if you had talked to me a few months ago, like say around December when I was playing through the God of War Collection on PS3, and asked me, "Hey, Ken, you ready for that God of War III?" My answer would likely have been a resounding "Yes!" But 6 months later and I'm singing an all too different tune. I had planned on preordering a copy of the game but looking back on it more and more I'm glad I didn't. Hell, I still don't own a copy and don't plan on making a purchase anytime soon. I just have little interest in it. The demo just flat failed to impress me. To me the God of War franchise is one of the most overrated franchises of all time.

Now before you start getting your hands ready to clack this angry rebuttal to my statement, I want to make this clear before I continue. I don't hate God of War and I don't think the games suck. I just think after 2 direct sequels and a PSP prequel they've gone to the well far too often and it's quickly running dry. Of course, taking a look at my page would incline one to retort with pointing out the Metal Gear Franchise, which has an equal amount of 4 games being released since 2005 as well, but the difference here is that these games all offer something different or additional gameplay elements that previous installments did not. MGS3 introduced the camo index and CQC. Portable Ops added a few RPG elements and party management. MGS4 introduced a whole new gameplay scheme altogether and gave the series a completely updated look and addressed nearly every issue that was annoying about the older titles. Peacewalker combines those gameplay elements with the party management and capture system of Portable Ops. Every entry in the series has provided something different and unique to justify so many releases in such a short time frame. Each game is noticably distinct from the last.

God of War was a great game for it's time, I'll give it that. However God of War II was really just more of the same with a crappier story. Instead of a fallen warrior seeking redemption, in this one he's more akin to a small child who kicks and screams, or in this case, bludgeons and maims because he didn't get his way. The game was essentially the same; you still stabbed stupid minotaurs in the throat, still ripped out cyclops eyeballs, still mashed buttons like a mad man just to open up a freakin door and the same crappy weapons besides the Blades of Chaos were available for use if you just felt like making the game harder than it has to be for some reason. The game wasn't really God of War II, but rather GOW 1.5 with minimal increments and contained mostly the stuff they had to cut out of the first installment. In short, it wasn't a true sequel in a gameplay sense. So now we come to God of War III and after 5 years, the gameplay design that made the first one stand out has now become a little more tired, and a little more worn and I can get my action game fix in better areas anyway. My need for puzzle solving is satisfied by Uncharted. My need for decent combos and kicking ass is satisfied by Ninja Gaiden(although in no way am I saying it had a better story than God of War) and my need for adventure is satisfied by Metal Gear. So why bother with God of War at this point?

I feel that Sony Santa Monica may be falling into the same trap that I felt Rockstar had been before finally created Red Dead Redemption in that they're returning to the well of what had been successful in years prior but not making the proper advancements necessary to justify rapid installments. If they decide to create a God of War IV I can only hope that they make stabbing minotaurs and ripping cyclops eyeballs a little more entertaining.

Spring Renovations and Cheap Plugs.

2010-05-28T13:14:00.005-05:00

As you've no doubt noticed*, this blog has been given a complete overhaul and new scheme thanks in no small part for a good friend of mine's hatred of Bleach and consequent love of Persona 4 and my own disgust at having looked at for nearly a year. Pretty much everything is updated including the embarrassingly outdated links page. Anyway, be sure and check out a good friend of mine's story as well, you can either find it in the links page or I can just post the link right here...

http://gamiamagicacademy.blogspot.com/

Now you have no excuse. Everyone who reads her story is blessed with 10 years of good luck, so do it!

* Probably not, though. Noticing it was different would have required you to have been at my page beforehand. Don't feel bad. Not many have.

Ode to a fallen PS3.

2010-05-26T15:37:00.012-05:00

Here's to my original PS3. You've given approximately 1.5 years of faitful service...just enough time for the warranty to expire. What a worthless piece of shit you were. Ah well I guess I'm a victim of Sony's grand scheme to get a slim into everyones home. Rest assured your "fattie" is NOT safe from the YLOD. No matter what you do. It will come. It will come....

Wile E. Coyote mug and cheap alarm clock not part of assembly.

$399 well spent!

The game you see before you would happen to be Uncharted 2. You see, I had to completely dismantle the mother fucker to retrieve it.

This is the cover to the Blu Ray drive itself. Take this off and you get...

Ain't technology wonderful!? (For about 2 years anyway.)

And finally Yuna to perform the sending. May you rest forever in videogame heaven.

Anyway, the whole thing pretty much pissed me the off and I went ahead and bought a slim. You happy now Sony? And a word of advice, I had my PS3 sat upright like a tower. I would probably recommend against that since the heat escapes from the side of the console and thus it probably doesn't get good enough circulation. Also, dust is more likely to enter the port holes with it sitting upright like that.

And so it begins.

2010-05-26T15:14:00.000-05:00

Seriously, fuck you and the horse you rode in on THQ. What if someone wants to rent the game before they buy it? Even if they decide to go buy it they'll have to pay an additional fee now if they want online access. I hope this doesn't become a far reaching trend in the gaming industry.

My Top 10 Best Playstation Games Ever.

2010-05-25T14:33:00.002-05:00

This is just a list of what I consider to be the ten best PSX games of all time. I haven't played every single game on the system out there out a library that runs into the thousands obviously, so I'm not considering this list as the end all be all of greatest of all time lists. This is just my favorite out of the hundreds of PSX games I've played over the years. Without further ado, my personal list...

10. Final Fantasy VII: FFVII is arguably the most polarizing game of all time. You wanna start a flame war, just drop the name FFVII and you'll likely send all fanboys into a frothing frenzy of hate. To some its the greatest game ever made, to others it hailed the death knell to RPG games as we know it. Me? I kind of fall in between the two extremes. While no one can doubt it's impact on the industry and the RPG genre as a whole, the game itself has not aged well at all and a fairly ambiguous and slightly confusing storyline marred by a shoddy translation didn't help matters. Still, its good enough to make number 10 on my list for its contributions to the RPG genre alone.

9. Xenogears: Yet another controversial title that can at times raise the ire of many who didn't care much for its gameplay. While the game itself was fairly unremarkable it makes my list simply for being arguably the greatest story ever told in a videogame. It's a shame the gameplay itself, while not bad per se, failed to live up to the amazing storyline and music it had. Still this is a bonafide classic RPG by any definition and its a shame those lousy Xenosaga games failed to capture the magic of this one.

8. Chrono Cross: This game has the unfortunate stigma of being one of the most disappointing sequels of all time. After all, how in the world do you follow up an RPG created by a team that created both Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest with character designs by the man who created Dragonball? Poor Chrono Cross couldn't possibly live up to such lofty expectations in mine and many other fans eyes, but make no mistake. This is still a superb game with a near flawless combat system and a unforgettable music score. I just wish it had a better ending.

7. Tekken 3: I hate the Tekken franchise. It's overrated and pales in comparison to the much more superior Virtua Fighter and I never could understand its popularity.....unless you're talking about Tekken 3. Tekken 3 addressed many of the issues that plagued the first two games; the characters were more balanced and the gameplay was mercifully sped up to something resembling action. Plus the inclusion of the Tekken Force beat em up mode only adds to the entertainment. While I still don't think Tekken is as good as Virtua Fighter, the series has really come into its own and it all started with this game.

6. Valkyrie Profile: Tri-Ace isn't exactly known for creating games with amazing storylines, but in the case of VP they nailed it and as a result it is to this day their greatest game of all time. Not only that but the game also was a breath of fresh air, taking elements from Actraiser and combining them with traditional RPG gameplay. The game is arguably the most gorgeous looking 2D game on PSX and will always stand as Tri-Ace's greatest triumph.

5. Street Fighter Alpha 3: Simply put still to this day my favorite 2D fighting game. Give me this over SF4 any day.

4. Final Fantasy Tactics: My favorite FF game isn't even a numbered one. Final Fantasy Tactics, in addition to being one of the greatest strategy games of all time, also happened to present a mature, intriguing plot full of twists and intrigue and introduced the world to the land of Ivalice and I thank Yasumi Matsuno for that. Absolutely brilliant game. The tranlsation was legendarily awful though.

3. Suikoden II: If only it weren't so easy, this game would be my greatest RPG of all time, period. It's that awesome. From the music, to the story to the absolutely gorgeous 2D graphics, this game stands as a benchmark for RPGs and is the last gasp for really good traditional RPGs with 2D graphics. Simply put, a masterpiece that absolutely must be experienced by any RPG faithful. Too bad it runs for $200 on Ebay/Amazon. Here's hoping for a PS One release.

2. Metal Gear Solid: The ground Metal Gear Solid broke in 1998 simply cannot be understated. The game sought to revolutionalize gaming much like its NES counterpart over 10 years prior. And boy did it ever. MGS was the game that proved that games can present a well designed story that is every bit equal to and many times superior to most action movies and that action games can be something more than just violent crap. The gameplay has not aged very well in comparison to later games in the series, but make no mistake. This game is one of the most influential and ground breaking games of all time with a presentation and a superb plot that still holds up and evokes emotion like no other even today. In a word, play it!

1. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night: Numero uno. While Metal Gear Solid was better in terms of telling a story and contains scenes that resonate with me to this day, nothing and I mean nothing compares to the sheer perfection and brillance of SOTN. While there are some that challenge that games are not art, in my opinion this game represents the finest arguement against that. From the character designs to the absoultely gorgeous backgrounds and haunting music, every moment of SOTN is one to be savored. Fusing Metroid like gameplay with Castlevania elements proved to be a successful model and gave new life to a dying series. 20 years of 2D platforming all culminated with the creation of this game and no platformer of yet has even come close to topping it. Best PSX game? Hell, its a contender for best game ever, period!

Rockstar's Redemption

2010-05-25T11:04:00.001-05:00

There aren't many times where I can say "wow, that was unexpected." But in the case of Red Dead Redemption I can safely say that it has turned out to be a pleasant surprise. It is entirely more fun than I would have given it credit for. It's not just a good western game (well, the best western game of all time really) but just a good game period.

You see, after the colossal disappointment that was GTA4 I was pretty much ready to swear off Rockstar for good, As they seemed poised to be unable to replicate the success of the initial GTA games that made them famous (GTA 3/Vice City) and fail to recapture the magic of what made those games so fresh and original for their time. Every sandbox style game subsequently made thereafter was simply window dressing. Different time periods, pointless minigames, polished graphics, a dumb dating mechanic...all of these simply only made temporary fixes. Sort of like putting a fresh coat of paint on a termite infested house. RDR mercifully gets to the root of the problem of the GTA games and addresses each one of them while actually expanding on the concepts that DID work and made GTA fun in the first place.

For starters, gone is the wacky silliness of GTA in favor of a more mature and realistic presentation. Sure you can still do what you want, but just like in real life people react to your behavior. Bad behavior has consequences. People remember and don't forget your misdeeds. Shooting up a town and killing everyone like a maniac will do that. Even if you manage to evade the law temporarily, rather than forget about you like an idiot, they actually chase after you until you pay your bounty. Unlike just about every GTA game ever made, action sequences are actually FUN to play and when you die you don't feel like it was due to sloppy controls and more to do with your bad aim/judgement. Couple all of this with soemthing else GTA has needed for a long time, characters and a story both worth a damn and you've got a nice recipe for a fantastic game.

I tip my hat to you Rockstar, there's hope for you yet.

Where did "Ambrosia" go?

2010-05-21T01:23:00.005-05:00

A question I'm sure a grand total of zero people are asking. But nonetheless if you happen to be some crazy straggler who happens to have lucked your way to this page you can now check it out here....

Hope to ~~not~~ see you there!

Final Fantasy XIII: I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?

2010-03-15T11:29:00.006-05:00

Um...so I pretty much went into this game thinking it would suck and be the ruination of the series.

This is because I'm an idiot.

Yes Ken, yes you are.

No, far from it. This game boldly redefines the JRPG genre in ways that work. The trials and tribulations of FF VII, VIII and X have come together to forge this game. All of the bad parts of those game have been taken out, keeping the good things about those games. Coupled with some of the best storytelling and character development a JRPG has had in years, I owe a heartfelt and public apology to a game I now have trouble putting down.

Final Fantasy XIII, I am so sorry. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?

Grandia's voice acting sucks and other obvious statements.

2010-03-05T19:47:00.007-06:00

So Grandia is available for purchase and download as a PS One classic on PSN. I urge all those with PS3s to download this not because it's a great game (it is by the way) but because you can all finally shut the fuck up with your nitpicky bullshit about how bad the voicework in Persona or Final Fantasy games are. Seriously, play Grandia and weep.

In other news...Bobby Kotick is an idiot. That is all.

I'm in the process of making a 1UP page.

2010-03-04T16:26:00.002-06:00

Yes, because I need to waste time out of my life writing on THERE as well. God is there some kind of medication for my ridiculous insanity?

Playstation NOTwork

2010-03-01T16:18:00.004-06:00

Well, I guess I can finally catch up on all those RPGs I have yet to beat on my PS2 if push comes to shove and I have to wait a long time for them to get their shit together.

UPDATE: Apparently everything is in working order now. Guess those RPGs will have to wait.

White Knight Chronicles: Oh what could've been Level 5...oh what could've been.

2010-02-17T15:40:00.006-06:00

White Knight Chronicles is a tough game to rate. It's tough because most of the game will be spent playing the offline story mode, however, it is the online functionality that is the best aspect of the game and saves it. It was a tough decision to weigh but overall I can place White Knight Chronicles just barely into the "worth the $60 purchase" category provided you have access to online.

If you enjoy playing RPGs for fantastic plots with memorable scenes and epic moments, then don't bother with White Knight Chronicles. Despite a few plot twists, there's absolutely nothing here that anyone who has ever played an RPG for the past 20 years wouldn't be able to see coming. The main character of the plot is driven by a young boy, Leonard who, for reasons that are grossly inadequately explored, falls in love with Princess Cisna because he saw her once when they were children many years ago and has taken the mantle upon himself to save her from a group known as the "Magi" who wish to use her to awaken the powers of the "knights", large body armor suits a la Escaflowne or Aura Battler Dunbine for those familiar with those anime shows. Of course, "because I saw her once a few years ago" hardly constitutes any realistic justification to involve oneself with such important world matters and in any realistic scenario the Princess wouldn't be waiting to be saved by her shining "prince" Leonard, and would probably issue a restraining order or in the very least assume he's just as evil as those that would kidnap her. Nonetheless along the way you'll meet the usual ragtag bunch most of whom just tag along "just because" with the only real interesting characters of the bunch being Kara and Eldore who's mysterious personalities barely hold the plot above water during your quest.

This is unfortunate given that terrible pacing of an already hum drum, paper thin plot only compounds matters. Once the party arrives at the city of Greede about halfway into the game, I very nearly quit as the storyline comes crashing to a screeching halt and the game enters "fetch quest hell" as at least 4 to 5 hours of the game are spent backtracking to previous areas to find items only to have to repeat the process and find yet another item the party must obtain before finally progressing to the next chapter of the story. This wouldn't be such a problem if any meaningful advancement was made. There's no character development, no new areas to explore, no meaningful backstories revealed. It's literally there to pad the length of the game and try to squeeze every last ounce out of a plot that barely held much water to begin with. Once this awful valley is finally overcome, the plot does improve towards the end, but that middle portion will have many gamers less patient than myself crying foul.

Fetch Quests are really nothing new to RPGs really, but its particularly noticeable with this game's plot due to its length, or rather, lack thereof. The main quest can literally take no more than 20 hrs just playing it normally, so when nearly 1/4 of a game's plot is relegated to fetch quests, it's highly noticeable. Once finished the game feels like a TV dinner for starved RPG fans. It satiates those of us that were looking for a next gen RPG experience just enough, but ultimately I and many others are probably already hungry for a real, true next gen RPG storyline. The story ends on a cliffhanger, which hopefully will lead to a much more intriguing plot in future installments, but for now the plot just seemed like a complete waste of time as the only moments of merit could be summed up in about 5 hours.

Well, the storyline is out but what about the gameplay? Suffice to say, the gameplay is vastly more interesting than the scenario. Once the game begins the player must create his/her avatar to use in not only online play, but you can also take that character and use them for the story mode as well. This is an exciting feature that unfortunately is amazingly underutilized by Level 5. Often times during scenes the avatar is barely even seen in the background and has virtually no involvement with the main plot whatsoever. The idea of the avatar being not the main character but rather an "onlooker" to the events unfolding isn't a particularly bad in and of itself but the problem lies in the fact that the other characters in the story never even acknowledge the avatars presence. The avatar never expresses any kind of emotion whatsoever and is really just a doll who happens to pop up in a frame from time to time.

Gameplay is structured very similarly to that of Final Fantasy XII. Combat is a combination of free roam and turn based. A timer bar fills up and once filled the player can execute a variety of commands that the player assigns from the menu screen. Unfortunately, the combat is really just a poor man's version of the previous mentioned battle system as it lacks any of the refinement or challenge of FF XII. Simple tasks like changing targets is made ridiculously cumbersome as it requires a few seconds of fumbling around the menu systems just to find the command. A "hot key" that instantly allows you to switch targets would have been much preferred. A nice plus to the game is the amount of customization. You can literally build your party members however you like as you earn ability points to spend on various skills and magic. Weapons each have their own class and abilities allowing for a large amount of flexibility and strategy. You can even create and name your own combos by stringing together abilities and assigning them to various command slots provided you have enough Action Chips stored to do so.

Not that you'd need to employ strategy or anything. Unfortunately the game is so ridiculously easy that you can pretty much skate by the entire game by teaching the party healing spells and giving them the strongest equipment and weapons. This is without employing the main characters ability to transform into the White Knight armor. Then the game becomes borderline broken. I never once had to transform into the knight unless the game dictated that I do. Magic doesn't even become a remote factor until perhaps the final area of the game when the game begins to present at least some modicum of challenge. RPGers looking the plumb the depths of strategy and really be tested akin to something of a Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne will be sorely disappointed here.

Where this game shines is in it's creativity. How creative of a person are you? That's really the question that has to be asked when deciding on a purchase of this game. The most shining moments of the game come in the form of the different ways you can be creative. The game gives you the option to literally create your own town and populate it with select residents in the various towns in the storyline. You can find and pick up materials to build houses and other structures and then assign those residents to cultivate the town. Hiring different professions yield different items that are created. This town can then be uploaded into the online mode and you can invite players to come visit the town or visit other players towns as well. You can take materials and items and combine them to create new, more powerful weaponry. Online is literally where its at. Up to four people can go on assigned quests that can be purchased in the story. Eventually you'll recieve a camera that lets you take pictures of you and your friends and upload those online as well. If you get involved and make friends online you can have tons of fun playing the game and its many shortcomings become less noticeable. I've logged about 60 hours total myself because I was having so much fun online.

Even still, even though I'm having fun going on quests with other players and friends, once you return to the main game, you're reminded all too well of how mediocre everything really is. The game isn't awful by any stretch of the imagination but you can't help but notice that Level 5 had a ton of unrealized potential here and coming from them, that's a disappointment. Also a company known for having great graphics in their games, Level 5 did a surprisingly subpar job here compared to their previous work. Rogue Galaxy and Dragon Quest 8 are among the finest games ever graphically on the PS2 but White Knight Chronicles doesn't even come close to maximizing the graphical potential of the PS3. The graphics aren't bad, but this game is seriously behind the curve and the fact that this finally released over year later doesn't help matters. Even still, there's fun to be had in this title provided you make a lot of friends who also enjoy the creative aspects of the game and if you so desire, you can go through the main quest one more time and unlock even more items and equipment on a second playthrough, but suffering through it once may be enough for most gamers. The final verdict: Level 5 and JRPG fans who are looking to be creative and not to be challenged, will get most enjoyment out of this game. The rest of you are perhaps better off looking further to the horizon to get your RPG fix.

Level 5.1

2010-02-05T10:20:00.003-06:00

Not that this is new news or anything but IGN's review of White Knight Chronicles is less than stellar for sure.

Now normally I don't contest many others opinions on reviews but a major flaw in this review is that the main selling point of the game, the online component isn't even discussed. Not that this game still should have recieved such a poor score even if you don't factor the online component. I admit I've only played about 10 hrs so far so I really can't offer a complete criticism but already I can tell that its not even close to that bad. Could it have been better? Yes, but there isn't anything that seriously hampers the gameplay experience. He mentions the graphics aren't spectacular or anything, which is true, but this game has also been aged a bit since it should have released a very long time ago.

But really the death knell to this review is when he begins discussing the "flawed gameplay". He describes it like it's a complete mess. It's a little rough around the edges to be sure, but its described as something that completely breaks the game. He mentions nonsense like enemy draw distance and the fact that enemies respawn in areas where you've already killed them as though this is something new to MMORPGs or something. No mention of the Georama system, Geonet, how characters develop and learn skills, how battle commands are assigned or anything. Instead he wastes an entire paragraph on how fake birds that can telepathically communicate as justification that the story is weak and poorly told. Just a bad review all around in my personal opinion.

IGN gave Final Fantasy XII (which is pretty much what this game is) a 9.5, so why in the world does this get less than half of the score that game got when it has pretty much the same battle system and similar storyline structure?

A Videogame Movie?Run Awayyyyyy!!!

2010-01-20T09:09:00.002-06:00

So I managed to catch Gamer. And yes, it sucked. I guess I could end the synopsis right here but I'll elaborate some more since I know everyone out there in internet land is only dying for my opinion. Actually....believe it or not...the movie isn't as horribly bad as I expected. But then again that's faint praise as I merely got a train wreck instead of a nuclear holocaust. The idea actually had some potential; a reality game that uses real life people as avatars that are controlled by other people themselves forced to play a multiplayer deathmatch. What could have been a decent, if not overly stylish commentary on human will and the dark ugly truth about our own species resembling the snake eating its tail instead descended into mindless nonsense designed to shock and oddly revel in the violence it intended to make a commentary on. It went from making fun of a Uwe Boll movie almost to....well, becoming a Uwe Boll movie. Oh well.

Jim Cornette's Epic Rant about the new Monday Night "Wars"

2010-01-06T09:20:00.002-06:00

I was going to offer my opinions about this show as for the first time in years I've actually watched both Raw and Impact but Jim Cornette so well discussed my thoughts that I'll instead yield the floor to him instead.

Now you can "Draw" on the go!

2009-12-19T08:29:00.004-06:00

Yup, FF8 is now available on PSN for download. Now for only the low, low price of $9.99 can you draw endless magic from the same goddamned enemy over and over and over! Thrilling! Don't forget it's exciting ability to amaze with awesome cool weaponry like the GUNBLADE! Yes, now you too can waste a bullet on an enemy up close thereby negating the ENTIRE PURPOSE of using a gun! Don't waste time folks, this is a limited offer so get your Final Fantasy 8 on TODAY!

A small Disney fanboy plea.

2009-12-18T17:13:00.007-06:00

If you haven't done so yet, please, please, please for the love of God go watch The Princess and the Frog in theaters sometime. Not necessarily because I think it's such a great movie (it is but that's beside the point), but rather because if this movie grosses well Disney might actually make even more 2D films and that's a good thing. They've been stuck in crappy 3D cartoon hell for several years thanks to the utter failure of Treasure Planet and perhaps they can finally return to prominence and maybe Jeffery Katzenberg will light a fire in his ass and create something quality like The Prince of Egypt instead of this "furry little critters get into madcap hijinx" nonsense we've all been subjected to for nearly a decade and finally leave this pathetic blight on American animation behind. I'm serious. Shrek FOUR is on it's way sometime next year. Be afraid. They'll keep making this horseshit too if you don't show them that 2D movies can still make money.

Dante's Inferno Demo

2009-12-16T15:25:00.003-06:00

So the latest demo up on the PSN is Dante's Inferno and I managed to play a little bit of it. Just like most every other game EA makes, it seems okay, but ultimately fails to achieve what made the games it's based on so fun. In short, Dante's Inferno is a knock off of God of War, nearly apeing that game right down to the button configuration. It's not a bad game but with GOW III around the corner there's really no reason to get it. Why settle for a cheap steak when you can have a porterhouse? Know what I mean? Sigh, EA couldn't come up with an original idea to save their ass anymore, which is why I never buy any of their games. Oh well.

Too tired to think up a clever title...

2009-12-09T08:27:00.005-06:00

Folks, they've managed to encase the power of Benadryl into DVD form. Trouble sleeping? No problem! Pop this sucker in and get that well deserved nights rest. You've earned it.

Well, it's not a terrible movie, per se, but everyone in the theater I went to to go see it all looked like one of those episodes of Sailor Moon where everyone was getting the energy drained out of them by the end of it.

Maybe fans of the books will enjoy it but I just found it to be fucking boring. I miss the lighthearted Harry Potter personally.

I'm selling a Limited Edition copy of Demon's Souls.

2009-12-03T14:06:00.004-06:00

For all parties who are interested, I'm selling off my copy for $40. I figured I'd make a good offer to my friends before going the Ebay/Amazon route. That's half the purchase price brand new and I promise it's in near perfect condition. Primarily because it spent 90% of the two months that I've had it sitting on my shelf. I'm afraid the game is entirely too damned beastly for me to bother to ever continue to play it. Maybe one of you out there will have better luck. In any case, if anyone is interested email me here.....

kenolabar@hotmail.com

And we'll do buisness.

UPDATE (Dec 7): $old!!! Thanks for playing!

Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia Review

2009-11-30T14:08:00.005-06:00

After all this talk about vampires, I figured I should post this review that I had already typed up well over a month ago. I planned to post it back during Halloween time, but that nasty little thing called real life got in the way. It's honestly amazing how despite my utter lack of a healthy social life that I harbor, I still have trouble finding free time to work on this blog. It really is.

It's often been said, "You can never have too much of a good thing", but sadly, that doesn't apply when playing Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia. Really though, it's not Order of Ecclesia's fault, either. Unfortunately, we've all been so spoiled by excellent Castlevania games leading up to this point that OOE just seems like a fairly pedestrian retread of the same old concepts we've been accustomed to since Symphony of the Night.

Poor Order of Ecclesia.

Although this game does have enough to make it stand out. For starters, you play as a female, only done once before in a Castlevania game, named Shanoa. Set in the early 1800s, Shanoa's task as a member of Ecclesia, a group dedicated to the eradication of Dracula, is to recover the stolen pieces of Dominus from fellow Ecclesia member Albus, who seeks to use the Dominus to resurrect who else...Dracula. Along the way you'll learn both the purpose behind Albus' plot and the mystery behind Shanoa's dark past as well. The story, while fairly simple, works well enough to keep you entertained, and Shanoa's mysterious behavior and back story are enough to keep the player interested and there's just enough plot twists timed at the proper moment to hold that interest. The story doesn't particularly impress, it's just that many other Castlevania games have plots that follow the same formula. Some evil guy gets something with which to revive Dracula and the main character must stop said bad guy from reviving him, eventually revealing their tie to the whole plot and discovering something about themselves that they either forgot, or didn't realize altogether. Sound familiar? It's the basic outline for every Castlevania game since Symphony of the Night. As a result, most players will feel a grand disconnect despite the game not having any glaring flaws in its narrative.

Poor Order of Ecclesia.

The game itself does absolutely nothing wrong in the gameplay department either. From a design standpoint, the game is arguably the most refined out of any of the Castlevanias on the DS. The weapon leveling system from Portrait of Ruin and the Soul System have been combined into one to form the Glyph system used in OOE. In a change of pace, the need to equip weapons has been completely excised in favor of equipping these glyphs. Glyphs have many different uses and purposes. Some glyphs are swords for stabbing and piercing attacks, some glyphs are hammers for slow, powerful attacks, etc. You can equip one of these glyphs on each hand and by alternating between both the X and Y buttons; you can attack quickly in succession. You can keep this up for as long as your stamina meter allows. Pressing both X and Y at the same time will yield a special attack that consumes hearts. The attack varies depending on which combination of weapons you have equipped. Glyphs purposes don't stop there though. Some Glyphs are also magic glyphs that allow you to perform various magic spells. Some allow you to emit lightning from your fingertips; some recover your health slowly. There's a gamut of possible uses and combinations with the glyphs for you to experiment with. Much like the Soul System, most glyphs can be obtained by defeating enemies. Other, more important ones that the game requires you to obtain can be found in specific areas. You'll definitely need to experiment with all different possible combinations in order to enjoy success with the game, particularly when it comes to the bosses. The game boasts some very interesting and challenging boss encounters that force the player to think rather than swing their weapon over and over until all their health his depleted. Many boss fights will have you stumped in learning the proper strategy on how to defeat them. It may seem frustrating at first, but it's an ultimately rewarding experience when you do figure it out. The game's innovations don't stop with the battle system either; most of the game takes place outside of Castlevania, and similar to Simon's Quest, there's a village that serves as a central hub, where assisting some of the townsfolk will net you various items and information to aid you in your quest. Unlike Simon's Quest however, the game's different areas are connected together via a world map where you just select where you want to go and you're instantly transported there rather than having to trudge through interconnecting areas to progress. Exploring existing locations will eventually open up new areas and getting the proper items or glyphs will allow you to return to an area previously explored and open up a new path that wasn't there before. Sound familiar? That's because it is. Ultimately, the game, despite its little nuances, is exactly the same kind of Castlevania game they've been making for over 10 years now. Koji Igarashi has gone to this particular well many times and Order of Ecclesia may have just drained it of every last drop. The game does everything well. It's a perfect refinement of the formula we've come to expect from Castlevania now. Ayami Kojima returns after being absent for the first two DS games to design some absolutely stunning and gorgeous characters and locations. Michiru Yamane returns to score a fabulous soundtrack. The piece, "An Empty Tome" takes its place among the all time Castlevania themes. However, throughout the entire game experience, right up until the credits roll, in the back of your mind you can't help but feel and overpowering sense of sheer apathy towards the whole thing, despite the fact that you just played a great game. You can't shake the feeling that no matter how great of an experience it is that you've already experienced greatness that is similar or equal to this before. It's the same problem that a franchise such as The Legend of Zelda currently faces. Each subsequent experience is less intriguing or engaging than the last. Not because of any faults within it's design, particularly, but rather because of the company it keeps.

Poor Order of Ecclesia.

Sad, but true. Order of Ecclesia's main problem is that well, it exists. It's not the game's fault that it's simply another Symphony of the Night offspring in a family that has grown too large. Hopefully, the game will be seen as the end of an era. This game will hopefully represent for the SOTN era of Castlevania games that Rondo of Blood did for the originals. Order of Ecclesia could be, and really, should be, the proper send off to the Symphony of the Night style of Castlevania. I'm not saying that the series is dying or that no future Castlevania games need to be made, but rather I'm issuing advice towards its creators. Guys, take heed of the lessons from franchises like Mega Man.; that sometimes, too much of a good thing and lead to just too much of something, period. It's obvious that the series, and indeed Koji Igarashi himself may have burned themselves out by making so many games in such a short time frame. That being said, I still encourage all to check out Order of Ecclesia if they haven't yet done so, as it's a really fantastic game that has a sad, unfortunate fate of being bundled with equally excellent brethren and that’s what keeps it from being classified as simply good, rather than truly great.

Poor Order of Ecclesia.

Um....wow.

2009-11-23T19:15:00.004-06:00

Just.....wow. I think it's safe to say that Stephanie Meyer's MTV and hairspray vision of vampire lore is definitely a lucrative gold mine if anything else.

UPDATE: Apparently Sony isn't making the money from Playstation Home or DLC for the PSP Go as they thought they would. Oh well. As long as they keep the ability to play online free we're good I guess.

One Man's Twilight is Another Man's Dawn.

2009-11-19T23:58:00.006-06:00

You know, this weekend is one of those times that I'm glad that I don't have a girlfriend.

There's no way in hell I'd be caught anywhere near that thing. I almost feel sorry for all of the poor souls who have their significant other drag them to watch....nay, suffer through this film.

Okay, okay, I know I'm being a bit of a facetious jerk here; it's not going to be nearly as bad as say, Tranformers or G.I. Joe or presumably any other film Hasbro decides to make.

However, will it still be utterly pretentious, moody and annoying as hell?

Yes.

Up Review

2009-11-12T13:39:00.006-06:00

Given all of the scathing, opinionated reviews of movies in particular that I often deliver, one may come to the conclusion that I'm some elitist jerk that can't find the slightest bit of entertainment in anything I watch. I'll admit, it's no secret that yes, most movies I end up watching that look like they'll interest me absolutely disgust me, particularly animated movies. I find most animated movies to be among the most annoying of movies often times. They're usually loud, boisterous, generally unfunny piles of trash with furry little animals running around and getting into madcap zany adventures with poorly told pop culture jokes that barely half, if any, of the intended target audience (young children) will even get. They don't serve any particular purpose; they're merely Looney Tunes shorts that run entirely too long and fail to capture even a fraction of the wit contained within those Looney Tunes classics. In summary, they're just damned obnoxious and they need to die a horrible death.

Thank God for Pixar, though.

This company mercifully doesn't fit the mold of what has become a typical 3D animated film these days. Pixar films have become the standard by which all other animated films should be judged over their long history, and rightly so. They continue to churn out excellent film after excellent film and Up is no exception. By touching upon simple themes that everyone can relate to, Up has managed to warm even my often cold, jaded heart. What makes Up such a success is in its simplicity. The film is only 90 minutes long and as such, very little time is wasted. It gets to the point right from the get go in its first 10 minutes.

Are you guys taking notes?

Carl Fredrickson, once a youthful child in the early 50s, enjoys a spirit of adventure as he and his best friend Ellie, who would eventually become his future wife, plan to visit Paradise Falls. Years pass and they grow old, Ellie eventually passes away and Carl grows remorseful that he could never keep their childhood promise and continues to live out a fairly lonely, mundane existence as an old man. The film does this beautifully in a musical motif that lasts only a few minutes, and instantly you get a sense of Carl's entire character without one whit of dialogue being spoken.

Eventually, Carl begins to realize that world is beginning to pass him by and he just doesn't feel the same anymore. He can't stand all of the construction going on around him, he can't understand why anyone would want to buy his house. In his refusal to let go of his house, he strikes a man with his cane and is forced to be sent off to a retirement home. Rather than be sent along, he reveals millions of balloons that uproot his house and he plans to fly away to Paradise Falls. Along the way he accidentally gets a stowaway in the form of Russell, a chubby little boy scout who, like many young children displays goofy eccentricities that otherwise annoy Carl. He talks too much. He asks too many questions. He's clumsy. He's well; he's what most little boys are like, including Carl himself, when he was a child. Most of the middle portion of the film is spent with just the two on their journey to Paradise Falls, with Carl reluctantly taking the boy along with little choice, although deep down inside, he does care for the kid. In order to transport the house to Paradise Falls he needs Russell's help in carrying it over there, by tying a string around both of their waists and literally dragging it over there while the balloons support it in the air.

The film is a treat, visually as well, displaying bright, beautiful colors and looks particularly gorgeous on a Blu-Ray if you have one.

Thus does Up subtly reveal it's moral lesson. Carl is not only literally tied to his house and his possessions, but rather he's tied emotionally to it as well. He can't let go. Of course, there's a token bad guy present as well, who doesn't play a particularly large role in story, however, his role is very important for displaying what Carl will eventually become if he doesn't let go. That's what makes Up such a brilliant story. Rather than beat you over the head with any particular plot points it wants to address, it tugs at the heart strings of all of us by subtle expression of common themes that people of all ages can connect with. Basically, it represents what Disney movies used to be, not to say that this is a serious film and that there's no place for humor at all. Of course the movie has it's fair share of humor; the exchanges between Russell and Carl in particular are hilarious. The reason why I don't mind the humor in Up is because the humor here works. The characters aren't trying to be cute and funny, they just are. Hence the difference between most Dreamworks swill and this.

Thank God for Pixar.